If I had the situation as described in the OP, I would sit my kid down and tell them what I found. They would have one chance to either come clean that they were speeding that badly & texting or explain what was going on if they claimed they weren't. If they had done those things behind the wheel, they would have no driving privileges for 3 months minimum and be required to watch videos, do research & write essays about the consequences of reckless driving before regaining *supervised* driving privileges with an adult family member in the front seat with them for at least another month. If all that was completed to my satisfaction, they could have their driving privileges back. In the meantime, they would either pay for uber rides, take public transit, or wait for rides at my convenience to get anywhere they wanted to go other than work and school.

If my kid claimed that it was a joke, or a misrepresentation of the facts, or otherwise gave me their word that they were NOT driving dangerously, I would tell them that because our family values integrity so highly I would believe them (in our family lying is a betrayal of family trust and the one thing that has worse consequences than anything else), HOWEVER due to the seriousness of the situation their driving and phone use would be closely monitored for an unspecified period of time to give them the chance to demonstrate that they respect basic road safety. Then I would immediately look into, obtain, install, and activate a means of tracking the car's speed. I would also check their phone and if it was used to send any texts at times when the car was in operation & no siblings were in the car who could have been texting for the driver (we do that sometimes), that would be instant loss of phone and car for minimum 6 months plus consequences listed above. Same if car tracker revealed speeding more than 9 mph over the speed limit. The harsher punishment would be because the kid was already on notice to watch it and because I would suspect that the denial of the original incident had been a lie if they showed a pattern of irresponsible driving.

Yes, it's harsh, and yes, it would be inconvenient for both of us, but driving is a huge responsibility and dangerous, so if my teens can't do so responsibly they will not be allowed to do so at all if I have anything to say about it which I do while they're minors, driving our cars, or on our insurance.

I guarantee the OP never did a thing and it's been out of sight out of mind.

I would buy them the civic that has auto braking

If DH has complete control over the money because he earns it tell him you have complete control over the children because you went through nine months and gave birth. Your son doesn't need to know how you found out. Tell him someone contacted you. This is not funny.

There are devices you can plug into your car's diagnostic port that send information, such as excessive speeding/braking and you can connect to it via an app.

I agree with PP that buying a teen a new Jeep was a bad idea, and that the temptation to show off creates a hazard not only for your son but for other drivers.

I think the text clearly shows that your son was engaging in risky behavior... OP, if you don't address it now, there could be disastrous consequences. Who cares if your son knows you can see his messages?!? I think now is the time to sit him down and let him know that as long as you are supplying his car and phone and he's living at home, and a minor... you are responsible for his safety and his conduct. And he will follow your rules.

Anonymous wrote:Her husband doesn't like it when she does all of the driving.

Can someone explain this part of her story -- why would a husband get "angry" (or whatever word she used) that she was carting the kids around? I'm assuming OP is a SAHM, that's pretty par for the course.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hypocritical faux outrage in this thread is funny. I'd guess 75% of people overall text & drive. Teens see mom and dad do it, so they do it too.

Then I guess you are seeing representatives of the other 25% here.

My oldest son drove tow truck for a few years. He texted behind the wheel until his first clean up of such an accident.

Yep. I never wore my seatbelt and didn't think twice about texting and driving until I attended an autopsy for multiple traumatic injuries from a car accident as part of my job. The parties were going less than 60 miles an hour and it was a horror scene. If you don't discipline your kid for this, and he continues to harbor the attitude of "it won't happen to me" and endanger everyone around him, you're a grade-A asshole.

OP, maybe call the police or fire dept and see if they have any sort of "scared straight"-type program for driving. Maybe crime-scene photos, or survivors/drivers/parents of victims who talk to kids.

Or maybe OP could, you know, PARENT HER KID?!

But... but... then he would know she was snooping. And he would change his password and she would lose access. And she would have to drive her other kids to all of their activities! Her husband doesn't like it when she does all of the driving.

Parenting her kid would inconvenience her.

god op you are a stupid asshole. if your stupid asshole kid ever kills someone i sure hope this thread comes up in the discovery process for the lawsuit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hypocritical faux outrage in this thread is funny. I'd guess 75% of people overall text & drive. Teens see mom and dad do it, so they do it too.

Then I guess you are seeing representatives of the other 25% here.

My oldest son drove tow truck for a few years. He texted behind the wheel until his first clean up of such an accident.

Yep. I never wore my seatbelt and didn't think twice about texting and driving until I attended an autopsy for multiple traumatic injuries from a car accident as part of my job. The parties were going less than 60 miles an hour and it was a horror scene. If you don't discipline your kid for this, and he continues to harbor the attitude of "it won't happen to me" and endanger everyone around him, you're a grade-A asshole.

OP, maybe call the police or fire dept and see if they have any sort of "scared straight"-type program for driving. Maybe crime-scene photos, or survivors/drivers/parents of victims who talk to kids.

Or maybe OP could, you know, PARENT HER KID?!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The hypocritical faux outrage in this thread is funny. I'd guess 75% of people overall text & drive. Teens see mom and dad do it, so they do it too.

Then I guess you are seeing representatives of the other 25% here.

My oldest son drove tow truck for a few years. He texted behind the wheel until his first clean up of such an accident.

Yep. I never wore my seatbelt and didn't think twice about texting and driving until I attended an autopsy for multiple traumatic injuries from a car accident as part of my job. The parties were going less than 60 miles an hour and it was a horror scene. If you don't discipline your kid for this, and he continues to harbor the attitude of "it won't happen to me" and endanger everyone around him, you're a grade-A asshole.

OP, maybe call the police or fire dept and see if they have any sort of "scared straight"-type program for driving. Maybe crime-scene photos, or survivors/drivers/parents of victims who talk to kids.

Or you'll catch him after he's been arrested for killing someone. Possibly one of your other kids.

If you really feel you can't act on this incident because you were snooping, go ahead and put some of the technology in the car that allows you to monitor speed. I can't imagine it will take very long to catch him again. Hopefully it will still be soon enough.