Anonymous wrote:My divorce will be final November 4th. We are still living together and managing to co-parent okay. The assistant has sued my husband for child support. He recieved paperwork that lists him and her husband as co-defendants in May. Court date is August 11th. She is suing to take away her husbands paternity and make my soon to be ex-husband the legal father. She also wants the birth certificate changed. She has to prove that this is in the child's best interest. We are in Michigan and she must meet 4 parameters to take away her husbands paternity. I thought that her husband would not willingly give up his parental rights but he has now said that he wants to be "the step parent". Mu husband has hired a very aggressive attorney from a large firm. They are perplexed by this situation. They have never had a case where the man and wife stay married and raise the child together but the husband gives up all parental rights. My husband makes more money and will have to pay child support. A lot of child support. I have access to all correspondence from the two attorneys so no longer feel in the dark.

I know many think I am a troll but I am not. Wish I was. I recieved so many positive, supportive comments that it negated the mean people.

I am marching on, loving my kids and leaning on my crazy, amazing friends. Two years of hell have made me realize how very lucky I really am.

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Anonymous wrote:Apart from all the emotions here, I'm curious how this will be settled as a legal matter. The married couple are raising the child as their own (and that seems fine with exH/bio dad?) yet they're seeking to legally sever ties from he only father relationship this child knows. All this for child support. Is that right?

It sounds like it is all about money. He'd being an idiot for paying child support now without a court order and more importantly, a paternity test. They are spending thousands on attorney's when a paternity test is a few hundred dollars. It sounds like "dad" is allowed to be the favorite uncle in exchange for cash. But, OP is saying mixed things such as mom wants dad to have the kid for 10 days a month to he only gets visits 2 weekly at a public park.

OP here- What? He is not paying child support. He has not seen the child in months. If he is required to pay child support, the kid's last name is changed to his and he is determined the legal father, he will have 30/70 custody (around 10 days a month) and 50/50 legal custody. The family court system now gives generous rights to fathers.

There is no DNA at this point. None. I have not wanted him to do DNA until my settlement was complete. She has wanted DNA all along. He did not do it because I asked him to let me get my child support in place first.

Do you really think she would go this far if she wasn't 100% sure it was his? Always a small chance but I doubt it.
My child support is in place. The child support she receives goes off the reduced income from what we get.


DNA away at this point.

So now she wanted Dna all along? When you posted about this originally your husband did and she balked:

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/360/419905.page

OP here - I was lied to by my husband. Imagine that.

Convenient! All inconsistencies are his lies. Oh is he the one who came here at Christmas and claimed you attacked her lawn decorations and told all the neighbors she was a whore? Or is he the one lying now when your comments claim you never said that....

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Anonymous wrote:NP here.

Best of luck to you and your family OP.

I would just advise that your husband stop trying to play hardball. The paternity test is inevitable. He needs to simply give it to her instead of waiting on a court order. The attorney simply wants to milk this case for all he can. He's not concerned about the best interest of your family.

It's clear the AP and husband want to have their cake and eat it too. They get to stay together, raise the child, but get financial support from your husband. And I think they'll have it their way. If they decide to stay together, that's on them. But your husband will still have to support his child. Usually the only time a court will refuse to sever paternity ties is if there's no one to step into the role of father. The courts will not legally bastardize a child. They will, however, make changes to acknowledge the true biological father.But you never know. As you said, it depends on the judge and what kind of morning s/he has.

As far as the child support the AP did not get for the past two years, it is very possible he will be forced to pay it. My sister insisted on back child support for the 1st 3 years of her child's life after things were finally addressed in court when he was 3. And she got it. The father could not afford the lump some but was ordered to pay on top of the original amount until the past debt was settled.

Finally, I do vaguely recall a post about you slashing Christmas decorations in front of the AP's dingy $19,000 home. But that's neither here nor there.

Usually child support is retroactive to the date of filing, not birth. But, it really depends on the judge. In this case he knew about the child and refuses to acknowledge paternity. Its going to get very messy.

Yeah, to the date of filing for an unsuspecting guy who had no idea a child existed. In OP's case--as well as my sister's--the father was well aware there was a child that could likely be his.

Was your sister married with her husband raising the child as his own? Providing medical care, food and shelter. This child has a legal father that loves him. If your sister was single, I can understand this but OP's husband's OW has had her own husband supporting the child the entire time.

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Anonymous wrote:Women stupid enough to have babies with married men should get absolutely nothing. It is contributory negligence. Married Men who can't keep their pants zipped should be given a public vasectomy and a damn good public flogging!

Amen

-1

It's not about the mom. It's about the child. The child didn't choose to have pathetic people for parents. The child deserves to be cared for. The child's father is equally responsible for the child's care.

Despite what you want to believe allowing your husband to neglect the child he made "to get back at" the OW will not make you feel better or make your husband's affair any less real.

Step dad wants child support so he can stay in the house they bought a mile from us. He wants to be dad in every other way. I have to messages to prove he wants to raise the child. If they win in court, he doubles his pay and gets to raise the child every day

OP here - Is this to me? I didn't type Amen. You are right, the child is an innocent victim and my children are just as innocent. I am divorcing my husband so I am not allowing him to "neglect" the child. The child also has a father who is raising him. She is not a single mother. He was there for the baby shower, birth, baptism, etc. Being biologically related to someone is not near as important as being emotionally bonded.

One of our children is adopted, one is biological. I love them both the same. My husband is our adopted child's father 100%. I don't consider the woman who gave up my daughter for adoption as neglecting her. My two kids share zero DNA and are really close. This would be my son's half brother technically but nothing to my daughter. I am not trying to "get back" at the other woman. What is in the best interest of all the children? I really don't know.

This is very different than adoption. Stepfather does not want to be dad or they would not go to court. Your husband is dad, bond or not, he is dad.

I disagree. Is my daughter's birth father in Korea her dad? No. This dad wants to be step dad because it is the only way he can collect money and remain in the house they bought a mile from ours. No one in his family knows the story and even his parents think it his his biological child. He is dad in every sense of the word. He has raised this child for two and a half years. Nothing will change for him except he will get his mortgage paid. My husband is not this child's dad as he really has no bond. He has a huge bond with the child he shares zero DNA with. A dad is someone who raises you regardless of any biological connection.

They are going to court for money. A woman is never forced to be a mom. She has options. She can put the child up for adoption or abort. A man has no reproductive rights. He shouldn't have screwed her in the first place so he is to blame but had he been the pregnant one (sounds ridiculous, I know). He would have aborted. I am all for him supporting this child financially and emotionally if he did not already have a father. He does not want to be a father to this child but will if the woman's husband does not want the responsibility. But HE DOES! He just wants more money to live a lifestyle they can't afford.

You are confusing the issues. Your husband is DAD. Bond or no bond, there has been no adoption so assuming a paternity test confirms it, he IS Dad. There is far more than "bonding" which is a very subjective term. He may be a very good stepfather but he will never be dad in less there is a legal adoption. As a mom through adoption, I find your bonding nonsense very unfortunate. Part of being a parent IS financially providing as well.