This rings true for many women I've talked to:

1) Cheated in the past
2) Doesn't put wife first.
3) Disloyal
4) Doesn't understand communication is #1. Not doing their share in the marriage.

Some people are asexual. For others it's never going to be at the top of their list when they can be doing other things. Those people are neither wrong or have medical problems. With women making more money, better equality they now have choices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

1) I still find my DH attractive. I just don't have the same desire for him as I did when we were newlyweds. I assume this is true for most women.

2) Rarely, that part is mostly switched off.

3) We have sex a couple times a month, but lack of desire is routine, exhaustion, no time for me. Sex is just not something I want. Sometimes I get into it when we start.

4) Occasionally.

The novelty of a new relationship isn't hitting your gas pedal as much as it used to, and the context of your relationship with your spouse isn't often sexy in other ways that hit the gas pedal. Meanwhile, you have a lot more things (e.g. kids, mortgage, work, stress of all kinds) hitting the brake pedal than you used to. Easier said than done, but if you want to want more and better sex, your husband and you have to figure out ways to rearrange your life to reduce the brake and hit the gas.

Not PP, but I fixed this for you.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/ss/50-1.html

This was really an interesting read. I may show this to my husband. It would be great if getting in the mood for sex didn't feel like a lot of work and effort on my part. We still have sex 2-3 times a week, and he doesn't complain, but it feels to me more like exercising 2-3 times a week...I enjoy it, but I mostly do it to stay healthy...than, say, eating ice cream 2-3 times a week...something I do just because it makes me happy.

More b.s. telling woman it's them and hubby has to always get his way. If not it must end in counseling, lol. Admit it, you're are doing it so you don't end up in divorce court losing half your assets. Yes he doesn't complain because you've weighed all the options like many women.

I doubt you read the link.

Most men are not good in bed, plain and simple. Women need orgasms. Period. They need them easily and without "a lot of work"... if it is physically hard for a woman... get a vibrator... men need to get over the fact that sometime the vibrator is better. But mostly they need to know orgasms are not optional for women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

1) I still find my DH attractive. I just don't have the same desire for him as I did when we were newlyweds. I assume this is true for most women.

2) Rarely, that part is mostly switched off.

3) We have sex a couple times a month, but lack of desire is routine, exhaustion, no time for me. Sex is just not something I want. Sometimes I get into it when we start.

4) Occasionally.

The novelty of a new relationship isn't hitting your gas pedal as much as it used to, and the context of your relationship with your spouse isn't often sexy in other ways that hit the gas pedal. Meanwhile, you have a lot more things (e.g. kids, mortgage, work, stress of all kinds) hitting the brake pedal than you used to. Easier said than done, but if you want to want more and better sex, your husband and you have to figure out ways to rearrange your life to reduce the brake and hit the gas.

Not PP, but I fixed this for you.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/ss/50-1.html

This was really an interesting read. I may show this to my husband. It would be great if getting in the mood for sex didn't feel like a lot of work and effort on my part. We still have sex 2-3 times a week, and he doesn't complain, but it feels to me more like exercising 2-3 times a week...I enjoy it, but I mostly do it to stay healthy...than, say, eating ice cream 2-3 times a week...something I do just because it makes me happy.

More b.s. telling woman it's them and hubby has to always get his way. If not it must end in counseling, lol. Admit it, you're are doing it so you don't end up in divorce court losing half your assets. Yes he doesn't complain because you've weighed all the options like many women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

1) I still find my DH attractive. I just don't have the same desire for him as I did when we were newlyweds. I assume this is true for most women.

2) Rarely, that part is mostly switched off.

3) We have sex a couple times a month, but lack of desire is routine, exhaustion, no time for me. Sex is just not something I want. Sometimes I get into it when we start.

4) Occasionally.

The novelty of a new relationship isn't hitting your gas pedal as much as it used to, and the context of your relationship with your spouse isn't often sexy in other ways that hit the gas pedal. Meanwhile, you have a lot more things (e.g. kids, mortgage, work, stress of all kinds) hitting the brake pedal than you used to. Easier said than done, but if you want to want more and better sex, your husband and you have to figure out ways to rearrange your life to reduce the brake and hit the gas.

Not PP, but I fixed this for you.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/ss/50-1.html

This was really an interesting read. I may show this to my husband. It would be great if getting in the mood for sex didn't feel like a lot of work and effort on my part. We still have sex 2-3 times a week, and he doesn't complain, but it feels to me more like exercising 2-3 times a week...I enjoy it, but I mostly do it to stay healthy...than, say, eating ice cream 2-3 times a week...something I do just because it makes me happy.

I love this thread. Makes me feel more normal. Getting out of marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
3-I feel like he is only nice to me when he wants sex and that makes me resentful

Not at all saying this is the case for PP, but "only nice when he wants sex" reminded me of similar comments by my wife at times. When my wife made a comment along those lines, it surprised me and made me a little mad. I feel like: a) I'm frequently kind, thoughtful, and nice to my wife; and b) my wife takes me for granted and often doesn't notice me. She does notice me when I'm trying to initiate sex, but notices me negatively. If I'm not doing something that generates negative attention, I might as well be part of the furniture. So, no matter how many nonsexual touches I've initiated -- no expectation of sex, no move to escalate, nothing but a touch on the arm, back scratch, kiss on the cheek, foot massage, whatever -- when I do touch her in a sexual way, she notices that and forgets (or never noticed) the other interactions.

There's no winning in that scenario.

I'm sorry to hear that, PP. I'm the person you quoted. He will be a dick to me all day and then approach me at bedtime and I just want to smack him. I've been upfront about it; I think we are both trying now.

PS I am late 30s and hormones take off a decade, at least.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

It's hormones. You can rationalize it all you want... but ultimately it comes down to decreasing levels of hormones as you age. I went on hormones for some health reasons and was jumping his bones regularly during that period, could not hold myself back. And no, for me it doesn't have to do with attraction to other men. Rarely masturbate (see above re: hormones).

1. He has lost his ambition and there's nothing sexy about a lazy slacker that doesn't want to achieve anything.

2. On occasion. There are a few people I who I find very attractive in my networking circles. One of them I suspect I could easily fall in love with.

3. My husband has a low drive and isn't that interested. He does much of the household stuff I work more hours than he does. I'm tired from the pressure of working two jobs to make ends meet and his lack of ambition just adds to the resentment. I'm sure the grass isn't greener and if he was always at work I would be lonely. I just wish we were working toward the same thing. We only have sex a few times a year. It's sad, really.

All that early love chemistry is long gone and now he's like that sweet, reliable, not so sexy best friend...the one you love to watch a movie with, but not the one you want to rip your clothes off for. 15 years of marriage.

4. A few times a week...often thinking about that bloke at work.

What makes you unattracted to your spouse? When he drinks too much, gets angry about his work, and then wants sex but no foreplay.

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely? Sure.

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active? If he would be more helpful about getting the kids to bed, doing housework, and treat me like a partner and not a roommate. We do have sex about once every week or two, but only about once a month am I really into it. I need time to unwind before I'm in the mood and our timing seems to suck lately.

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation) On occasion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

1) I still find my DH attractive. I just don't have the same desire for him as I did when we were newlyweds. I assume this is true for most women.

2) Rarely, that part is mostly switched off.

3) We have sex a couple times a month, but lack of desire is routine, exhaustion, no time for me. Sex is just not something I want. Sometimes I get into it when we start.

4) Occasionally.

The novelty of a new relationship isn't hitting your gas pedal as much as it used to, and the context of your relationship with your spouse isn't often sexy in other ways that hit the gas pedal. Meanwhile, you have a lot more things (e.g. kids, mortgage, work, stress of all kinds) hitting the brake pedal than you used to. Easier said than done, but if you want to want more and better sex, your husband and you have to figure out ways to rearrange your life to reduce the brake and hit the gas.

Not PP, but I fixed this for you.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com//graphic/ss/50-1.html

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

1) I still find my DH attractive. I just don't have the same desire for him as I did when we were newlyweds. I assume this is true for most women.

2) Rarely, that part is mostly switched off.

3) We have sex a couple times a month, but lack of desire is routine, exhaustion, no time for me. Sex is just not something I want. Sometimes I get into it when we start.

4) Occasionally.

The novelty of a new relationship isn't hitting your gas pedal as much as it used to, and the context of your relationship with your spouse isn't often sexy in other ways that hit the gas pedal. Meanwhile, you have a lot more things (e.g. kids, mortgage, work, stress of all kinds) hitting the brake pedal than you used to. Easier said than done, but if you want more and better sex, you have to figure out ways to rearrange your life to reduce the brake and hit the gas.

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious about the points below:

What makes you unattracted to your spouse?

Are you still attracted to and turned on by other men (cute doctor, guy at the gym etc) or is that part of your brain just switched off entirely?

What would you say is the main reason (relationship or otherwise) that you and your spouse are not sexually active?

Do you still take care of your own needs? (Masturbation)

1) I still find my DH attractive. I just don't have the same desire for him as I did when we were newlyweds. I assume this is true for most women.

2) Rarely, that part is mostly switched off.

3) We have sex a couple times a month, but lack of desire is routine, exhaustion, no time for me. Sex is just not something I want. Sometimes I get into it when we start.

4) Occasionally.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I don't have more sex with my husband is because he doesn't want more.

Why didn't I marry someone like you?

Probably because she wanted sex in the second date so you put her in the "whore" column instead of the "wife material" bin.