Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If my household made seven figures and my parents could not look after my disabled sibling properly, I would support him fully and not have him rely on food stamps or anything else. I would treat him like one of my own, and would set up long term care and also a retirement account for him, because one day he will be a senior citizen and you might not be around to look out for him.
I wouldn't be married to a man who would deny my disabled sibling while he's making over a million a year and banking 80% of that. An Aston Martin or his disabled brother in law being well cared for? I just don't understand how people lose their compassion and humanity. Would he treat his own sibling like this?
That being said, if your brother is so disabled that he has never even worked once in his life, how on earth is he able to maintain and operate a car? Where does he drive to and what does he need a $20k car for? If he can drive a car, he can get a part time job, even if it means just socializing, getting out of the house, and having some independence.
Completely disagree. Your brother is your brother. You have your own family & children to worry about. I think it is reasonable to support your brother for basic needs. Anything beyond that should be agreed by both spouses. Your DH is looking out for the family. Your primary responsibility is your family and not your brother & parents. They are also family but come after your kids & DH. If your parents love/loved you they will/would also agree with that line of thinking.
Anonymous wrote:DH earns a seven figure income. We decided that it would be best for our family that I leave my well paying six figure job to focus on the kids. DH is very generous with me and our children. I can pretty much buy and do anything for myself or the kids. I have a disabled brother that we support financially. It is probably my own guilt but I feel bad and guilty that I spend thousands and thousands of dollars on travel while my brother drives an old car and lives on a very limited budget. I often have to hide a few hundred in cash to give to my brother. DH bought a home for my brother and pays all his bills. I know he is generous but I would like to be more generous. I have brought this up to DH and DH gets upset about it and how he has 2 families to support. I would prefer DH to give me X thousand per month. If I choose to buy a new Chanel bag or save a few months and buy my brother a car, I want to do as I please. I want to buy my parents some new furniture. I hate that I feel like I have to ask DH for this. If I were still working, this would be a non-issue.
Anonymous wrote:Yes, my DH gives me an annual written performance appraisal (with more frequent oral feedback as necessary). A number of things go into determining my annual bonus. First, he firmly believes in a pay for performance approach. We set certain performance milestones across the board, and I am compensated more for reaching flexible or stretch targets. Of course, personal effort and attitude and being willing to put it out there and go all out matter.
Anonymous wrote:Yes, my DH gives me an annual written performance appraisal (with more frequent oral feedback as necessary). A number of things go into determining my annual bonus. First, he firmly believes in a pay for performance approach. We set certain performance milestones across the board, and I am compensated more for reaching flexible or stretch targets. Of course, personal effort and attitude and being willing to put it out there and go all out matter.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can jeopardize your brothers benefits giving him income.
This. Your brother may see his benefits decrease or lose them altogether, which is more expense for you.
In regards to my brother, I want to get him a new car. I don't need to necessarily give him more per month. I also have 2 elderly retired parents. They live a very modest life with no luxuries. This has more to do with my parents than my brother.
This thread has made it pretty clear. I will go back to work.
When I was working, I was very resentful that I took the hit for every snow and sick day. DH earned about 3x what I did so of course it made sense that I was the default parent.
Having a successful husband has a lot of negatives.
Anonymous wrote:If my household made seven figures and my parents could not look after my disabled sibling properly, I would support him fully and not have him rely on food stamps or anything else. I would treat him like one of my own, and would set up long term care and also a retirement account for him, because one day he will be a senior citizen and you might not be around to look out for him.
I wouldn't be married to a man who would deny my disabled sibling while he's making over a million a year and banking 80% of that. An Aston Martin or his disabled brother in law being well cared for? I just don't understand how people lose their compassion and humanity. Would he treat his own sibling like this?
That being said, if your brother is so disabled that he has never even worked once in his life, how on earth is he able to maintain and operate a car? Where does he drive to and what does he need a $20k car for? If he can drive a car, he can get a part time job, even if it means just socializing, getting out of the house, and having some independence.
Anonymous wrote:What is the diagnosis? OP isn't answering that!!!!
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No. If I felt like this was what I needed, I would get a job.
So you think DH has a right to feel upset that I want to be more generous with my family?
I know DH thinks that he is more than generous already. He bit my head off the other day because I had purchased a $100 gift card from Wegmens while I went grocery shopping. I can't remember if it was a target gift card or what I purchased for my brother. It caused a huge fight.