Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 19:41     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Now my entire family knows I am dead set against my D having a very expensive bag.


She has made fun of my Marshalls and TJ Maxx purchases many times in front of other family members including her stepdaughters. I come from the background where you respect a parents wishes/boundaries and would never dream of overstepping them by getting something so elaborate if I knew the parents would not approve.


I really can't imagine how a conversation about expensive bags would come up. No one on my side or my DH's side would ever have a conversation about a purse. Seriously! How does that topic come up?

I'm curious how she makes fun of your purchases. Just like purses, Marshall's and TJ Maxx just doesn't come up in our conversations. And the whole "many times"? Now THAT would be a topic for the relationship forum! "My DH doesn't stand up for me when my SIL makes fun of my Marshalls and TJ Maxx purchases".

Troll. Gotta be.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 18:21     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Boy, all the catty bitches are out in force.

OP made it quite clear she doesn't like her SIL. And she doesn't have to. Though, OP, the minute you made that clear you lost this argument. Because the claws were going to, and did, come out.

Really, this only comes down to some very basic things. The rest is just noise. You made your position known to your brother and SIL and they deliberately went against it. Which is controlling and way over the line. It doesn't matter your reasons: true moral objection to a bag of this sort, not wanting to have your gift shown up, dislike for SIL. You stated your wishes/rule and they deliberately defied it. Not ok.

I think you are well in your right to say so to brother/SIL. Once your DD is 18, then you'll have to relinquish the rules but for now your rules are the law.

I am also laughing at all the name-calling on here. People are stooping to the same behavior they are accusing you of.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 17:53     Subject: Re:Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:If a handbag can undermine "everything you believe in" and a relation by marriage on the other coast can leave you "fuming" you're the problem.

Go live your values. Do some good in the world. Quit bitching that someone else was generous to your daughter (who incidentally knows you're being irrational).

Everything you've said is far shallower than simply buying a pricy gift.


This. Accept the bag, write a thank you, move on with life. If one bag is undoing all your 16 years of raising your daughter to value cheap handbags over expensive ones, then you aren't doing it right.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 17:49     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Guys-- the purse was $1800. This is just nuts. Sorry, I don't think it's appropriate for a high school student to have a handbag that is the equivalent of a mortgage payment. Even if the SIL had the best of intentions and there wasn't a backstory, I would be embarrassed to accept such an expensive gift for my family.

I think the outcome is fine- daughter decided to exchange and have credit for another day. I would not have bothered to vent to the brother- of course, he will defend his wife and you shouldn't get in the middle of that.




a $1,800 mortgage payment? Not in this world, PP.




Uh, that is actually more than my monthly mortgage payment on a 15 year loan. Some of us saved and bought wisely, which means we can afford to buy $1800 bags if we want one AND keep a roof over our heads.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 17:46     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:OP here Bottom line, I do not agree with such an expensive gift for a young girl who still babysits and considers a good weekend getting $50-75.00. We give her an allowance but she is more than thrilled with a nice Coach bag, and incidentally I gave her one for her birthday.

it goes against everything my husband and I believe in and up until now we have done a darn good job. I have seen the destruction that takes place when kids get things too much and too soon. We want no part of it for our kids. We have raised three kids all who are straight A students, very accomplished athletes and "good well mannered kids" by all accounts from their teachers to their friends parents.

Even my daughter said she was shocked at being lavished with such a gift. And has decided to return it, get a small crossover LV bag that is a bit more suited to a younger person and will keep the credit for another time. This was her decision which I support. First thing we had her do was write a nice thank you.

My brother did call me last night to say he told his wife that wasn't a good idea as "we don't like giving those kinds of gifts" and he said they actually argued bout it but that she insisted. Getting a whiff of her personality now? We laughed over it in the end and agreed to let it go.

Why do i wear work out clothes? I am a full yoga instructor/personal trainer so it's my job! Hope this settles down a few very would up personalities!

All is good now, still do not approve of what she did but it worked itself out.


I'll say it again. Your daughter is 16 and starting to develop her own thoughts about what she likes and wants for herself. Those views may not mirror yours. You can't control kids, you raise them and do your best to teach them good values and mores, then send them out into the world. That's it. You like cheap bags. She is not you. She may decide that she wants to spend her money on things. The key here is HER money, not yours.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 17:33     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:I think OP sounds reasonable.


I do, too. Carrying around a bag that cost $1800 is beyond absurd for someone this age.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 17:31     Subject: Re:Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:Have your daughter write her aunt a thank you note - and let her carry the bag. Have her look up how to take care of it. The bag will last for years. You can't control other people.


It'll last for years if someone doesn't steal it!
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 17:23     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
I think OP sounds reasonable.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 17:08     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:OP here Bottom line, I do not agree with such an expensive gift for a young girl who still babysits and considers a good weekend getting $50-75.00. We give her an allowance but she is more than thrilled with a nice Coach bag, and incidentally I gave her one for her birthday.

it goes against everything my husband and I believe in and up until now we have done a darn good job. I have seen the destruction that takes place when kids get things too much and too soon. We want no part of it for our kids. We have raised three kids all who are straight A students, very accomplished athletes and "good well mannered kids" by all accounts from their teachers to their friends parents.

Even my daughter said she was shocked at being lavished with such a gift. And has decided to return it, get a small crossover LV bag that is a bit more suited to a younger person and will keep the credit for another time. This was her decision which I support. First thing we had her do was write a nice thank you.

My brother did call me last night to say he told his wife that wasn't a good idea as "we don't like giving those kinds of gifts" and he said they actually argued bout it but that she insisted. Getting a whiff of her personality now? We laughed over it in the end and agreed to let it go.

Why do i wear work out clothes? I am a full yoga instructor/personal trainer so it's my job! Hope this settles down a few very would up personalities!

All is good now, still do not approve of what she did but it worked itself out.

OMG woman, you are a ridiculous creature. Yes, you've raised three super-awesome kids, doing a darn good job despite evil society pushing you into wantonness and ruin. And now that wicked SIL comes along and ruins, I tell ya, RUINS it all with one bag.

Well look, I know LVs are well made and Helen Gurley Brown reported it took a blowtorch to take hers apart, but I never heard of such a thing as a free LV tote turning a good kid into a princess of conspicuous consumption. You sound very insecure and fearful. If you raised your children well, they ought to be able to run into Things With Which Mother Disagrees and survive. You come across as an ogre in all this.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 16:29     Subject: Re:Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
If a handbag can undermine "everything you believe in" and a relation by marriage on the other coast can leave you "fuming" you're the problem.

Go live your values. Do some good in the world. Quit bitching that someone else was generous to your daughter (who incidentally knows you're being irrational).

Everything you've said is far shallower than simply buying a pricy gift.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 10:10     Subject: Re:Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
We give her an allowance but she is more than thrilled with a nice Coach bag, and incidentally I gave her one for her birthday.


I find this whole thread amusing. It's a gift and you don't control the giver. To ascribe nefarious motives to the giver/gift is absurd, especially for someone who admits that she herself gives her daughter extravagant bags. Coach may be pedestrian, but it is pricey and, well, extravagant.
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 09:46     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here Bottom line, I do not agree with such an expensive gift for a young girl who still babysits and considers a good weekend getting $50-75.00. We give her an allowance but she is more than thrilled with a nice Coach bag, and incidentally I gave her one for her birthday.

it goes against everything my husband and I believe in and up until now we have done a darn good job. I have seen the destruction that takes place when kids get things too much and too soon. We want no part of it for our kids. We have raised three kids all who are straight A students, very accomplished athletes and "good well mannered kids" by all accounts from their teachers to their friends parents.

Even my daughter said she was shocked at being lavished with such a gift. And has decided to return it, get a small crossover LV bag that is a bit more suited to a younger person and will keep the credit for another time. This was her decision which I support. First thing we had her do was write a nice thank you.

My brother did call me last night to say he told his wife that wasn't a good idea as "we don't like giving those kinds of gifts" and he said they actually argued bout it but that she insisted. Getting a whiff of her personality now? We laughed over it in the end and agreed to let it go.

Why do i wear work out clothes? I am a full yoga instructor/personal trainer so it's my job! Hope this settles down a few very would up personalities!

All is good now, still do not approve of what she did but it worked itself out.


OP you are wrong. stop interfering in your brother's marriage. And frankly I think people who wander around in exercise clothes are trashy looking. Everything shows. Buy some clothes. Oh buy great that you have the "values" to avoid expensive hand bags. Now your daughter has a ridiculous credit that will probably require more money to spend. Well done.
. +1
Anonymous
Post 02/27/2016 08:54     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:Get over it already. You don't like her, your daughter thinks she is awesome. Chill out.

+1 and try not to come across as judgmental and shallow. You're are very focused on your SILs choices and looks.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2016 08:55     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
I still want to know how OP's SIL knows she shops at Marshall's unless OP talks about it, which is so lame. OP is a reverse snob. The bag your daughter bought is as ridiculousness as the gift. My first real designer bag for getting into law school on a full ride was a $150 coach backpack that I wore for years. OP only wants people who have her narrow and arbitrary view of extravagance.
Anonymous
Post 02/26/2016 08:52     Subject: Fuming! Need some advice about SIL and how she handled soemthing
Anonymous wrote:OP here Bottom line, I do not agree with such an expensive gift for a young girl who still babysits and considers a good weekend getting $50-75.00. We give her an allowance but she is more than thrilled with a nice Coach bag, and incidentally I gave her one for her birthday.

it goes against everything my husband and I believe in and up until now we have done a darn good job. I have seen the destruction that takes place when kids get things too much and too soon. We want no part of it for our kids. We have raised three kids all who are straight A students, very accomplished athletes and "good well mannered kids" by all accounts from their teachers to their friends parents.

Even my daughter said she was shocked at being lavished with such a gift. And has decided to return it, get a small crossover LV bag that is a bit more suited to a younger person and will keep the credit for another time. This was her decision which I support. First thing we had her do was write a nice thank you.

My brother did call me last night to say he told his wife that wasn't a good idea as "we don't like giving those kinds of gifts" and he said they actually argued bout it but that she insisted. Getting a whiff of her personality now? We laughed over it in the end and agreed to let it go.

Why do i wear work out clothes? I am a full yoga instructor/personal trainer so it's my job! Hope this settles down a few very would up personalities!

All is good now, still do not approve of what she did but it worked itself out.


OP you are wrong. stop interfering in your brother's marriage. And frankly I think people who wander around in exercise clothes are trashy looking. Everything shows. Buy some clothes. Oh buy great that you have the "values" to avoid expensive hand bags. Now your daughter has a ridiculous credit that will probably require more money to spend. Well done.