Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. I don't think it's that big of a deal unless BIL is still hurt by it. My mother was beaten as a child. She came from a family where harsh whippings were just the norm not regular whippings, but whippings with cords, hangers, switches, etc. She and my grandmother have the best relationship. My grandmother acknowledges it was wrong and my mother chose to forgive her, it's just the way some people dealt with kids back in the day.

People still do. It was wrong then, it's wrong now. People us this phrase to excuse racism too, and it's bullshit. My father was born in 1918--he's neither a racist, nor was he ever hit with hangers. Because it has always been wrong.

No argument here, but extreme whippings were very prevalent in some groups in the past and still continue to be. That doesn't excuse it but it's the reality. My mother chose to accept it as something that was just prevalent with parents in her time and has moved on. Perhaps BIL has chosen to move as well which is why he's able to have a good relationship with his dad.

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing. I don't think it's that big of a deal unless BIL is still hurt by it. My mother was beaten as a child. She came from a family where harsh whippings were just the norm not regular whippings, but whippings with cords, hangers, switches, etc. She and my grandmother have the best relationship. My grandmother acknowledges it was wrong and my mother chose to forgive her, it's just the way some people dealt with kids back in the day.

People still do. It was wrong then, it's wrong now. People us this phrase to excuse racism too, and it's bullshit. My father was born in 1918--he's neither a racist, nor was he ever hit with hangers. Because it has always been wrong.

Anonymous wrote:Youve told the whole world on the internet. Uou should have told your sister first and then shut it.

This is an anonymous forum and she has given no identifying information. Do you know who OP is? Didn't think so.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just one question. If I found out her FIL was a convicted rapist, would that be OK to tell her? Or would you keep that under wraps too? The man was a violent child abuser, and she spends time with him. She needed to know.

God, you're dumb.

Youve told the whole world on the internet. Uou should have told your sister first and then shut it.

You did the right thing. I don't think it's that big of a deal unless BIL is still hurt by it. My mother was beaten as a child. She came from a family where harsh whippings were just the norm not regular whippings, but whippings with cords, hangers, switches, etc. She and my grandmother have the best relationship. My grandmother acknowledges it was wrong and my mother chose to forgive her, it's just the way some people dealt with kids back in the day.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just one question. If I found out her FIL was a convicted rapist, would that be OK to tell her? Or would you keep that under wraps too? The man was a violent child abuser, and she spends time with him. She needed to know.

You did the right thing. No need to question yourself now.

OP, I didn't get the sense that you were out to stir up trouble by talking with your sister about this. Now that you've done so, you do need to back off and let her sort it out. It's between her and her husband. And if it's true, she knows now to keep an eye on things.

OP here. Just one question. If I found out her FIL was a convicted rapist, would that be OK to tell her? Or would you keep that under wraps too? The man was a violent child abuser, and she spends time with him. She needed to know.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing telling your sister.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. She further victimized the victim by gossiping about him with a stranger and then spreading that gossip further. She sounds like both a busy-body and a callous piece of work. I feel very sorry for this man for having married into this family.

+1 Sadly true.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the purpose is simply for information. I come from a culture where people talk, and support each other, and aren't afraid of family and so on. There is no way that I would not tell her. I have never kept anything form her, and now is not the time to start.
That woman did not betray anyone, she just said it as it was. If they wanted no one else to know they were beating their kids, they should have lived in some mountain cabin. Tough --- for his father, the cat is out of the bag.

I, too, come from a culture where people talk.

Sometimes we should talk less. This is not your story to share, and theirs is not your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the purpose is simply for information. I come from a culture where people talk, and support each other, and aren't afraid of family and so on. There is no way that I would not tell her. I have never kept anything form her, and now is not the time to start.
That woman did not betray anyone, she just said it as it was. If they wanted no one else to know they were beating their kids, they should have lived in some mountain cabin. Tough --- for his father, the cat is out of the bag.

You heard an unsolicited and unfounded rumor about BIL, And. You want to run to your. Sister and tell her.
My siblings and I went through what you describe. And we dealt with it in out own ways. My husband knows a little, but not much. I'm not hiding anything - my parents are no longer the people they were 20+ years ago. They've apologized for their treatment of us. They came from dysfunctional backgrounds themselves and had no parenting classes or therapy. They treated us as they were treated. My generation broke the cycle. It isn't relevant. Unless you see some signs of abuse - don't tell your sister and treat it as petty gossip.

Anonymous wrote:You did the right thing telling your sister.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. She further victimized the victim by gossiping about him with a stranger and then spreading that gossip further. She sounds like both a busy-body and a callous piece of work. I feel very sorry for this man for having married into this family.