Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That when he whines and plays the victim for some really really absurd reason I wouldn't tolerate even for a child, I want to yell at him "MAN UP For Christ sake you are a unappealing pussy".

But I don't, because I love him, don't yell or say nasty words as a principle, and I know his ego cannot handle the idea that he acts "like a pussy"... But damn does it feel tempting...

Are you living with my husband? Is it possible he has two houses and two families?

DH here. This a great thread (really). I am inspired to lose some weight and be a bit more forceful (manly?) with my wife, for her own benefit. I haven't exactly been a push over, and I don't whine, but its clear that -- for physical attraction, at least -- women are looking more for Christian Grey than for Steve Martin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I told them I was done with them, told them they'd better have long-term care insurance and explicit funeral instructions for their executor, and that they should leave everything to my brother.

I let my uncle, with whom I remain close, know what was happening and why. We have an understanding that he'll let me know if my father is at death's door and that he won't judge me if I conclude I can't be there. Knowing what my parents have done, he gets it. I'm lucky to have a relative who understands.


If you do disengage from parents I recommend you do your best not to let it destroy all of your familial relationships. It takes extra effort to stay in touch with cousins, aunts, and uncles when you're not just showing up at thanksgiving but it can be done and it's worth it.

Whoa.
What did he/they do? I'm sure you did not take such action lightly, so it must have been something really awful.

How much time have you got?

Suffice it to say I managed to maintain a relationship in spite of their lifelong emotional abuse because I wanted my child to have grandparents and because after growing up in such a terrible household I actually didn't understand just how far from acceptable their behavior had been.

After years of therapy I had a perspective on that, and most people were encouraging me to cut them out entirely before they struck again.

Unfortunately they were even more damaging as grandparents, which is hard to believe.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That when he whines and plays the victim for some really really absurd reason I wouldn't tolerate even for a child, I want to yell at him "MAN UP For Christ sake you are a unappealing pussy".

But I don't, because I love him, don't yell or say nasty words as a principle, and I know his ego cannot handle the idea that he acts "like a pussy"... But damn does it feel tempting...

Are you living with my husband? Is it possible he has two houses and two families?

DH here. This a great thread (really). I am inspired to lose some weight and be a bit more forceful (manly?) with my wife, for her own benefit. I haven't exactly been a push over, and I don't whine, but its clear that -- for physical attraction, at least -- women are looking more for Christian Grey than for Steve Martin.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That her obsessive focus on the numbers on the scale is fucking stupid -- a heavier, strong body is sexier than a body which merely contains less mass.

You have a good attitude! Tell her this please, she probably just doesn't realize for some reason.

OK, but at some point, it does make a difference. Not 5 or 10 or perhaps even 20 pounds, but at some point even "lights off and wine" don't help. This goes for the ladies too, from what I am gathering in the thread above.

Yes, those jeans DO make you look fat.
You've gained 40 pounds, so guess what?
You ARE fat!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you are a really nice guy, a wonderful friend, partner, and father but that I am madly in love with another man. If it weren't for our children I would end the marriage.

Do him a favor and leave. A guy like that deserves someone better.

She deserves to be happy with the other man. Let her DH find someone who is madly in love with him.

Why did you marry him, PP?

Because I didn't realize what love could be like until I stumbled onto this other guy. I thought contentment and marrying your best friend would be good enough. I didn't realize there was more. I never, ever meant to fall in love with someone else. I don't feel good about it.

Other guy just sees you every so often with no 'life stuff' attached. He probably wouldn't stick around for 20 years like the husband you do have is and he can't be a good guy (like the one you are married to) because he's screwing someone else's wife. You're being a fool.

+1

BTDT. I have to agree with this.

+1000. I haven't been there or done that but I'm also smart enough to figure out that of course AP is going to be more attractive and satisfying that DH or DW. You see each other when you're at your best with none of the real life issues that plague a married couple. It's like dating was when you and your spouse were single. They looked good too back then before the issues of real life got in the way.

A friend told me years ago that dating was all tits and weenies, and marriage was all ear wax and nose hair. With AP's you get the tits and weenies without the ear wax and nose hair.

Anonymous wrote:That her obsessive focus on the numbers on the scale is fucking stupid -- a heavier, strong body is sexier than a body which merely contains less mass.

You have a good attitude! Tell her this please, she probably just doesn't realize for some reason.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you are a really nice guy, a wonderful friend, partner, and father but that I am madly in love with another man. If it weren't for our children I would end the marriage.

Do him a favor and leave. A guy like that deserves someone better.

She deserves to be happy with the other man. Let her DH find someone who is madly in love with him.

Why did you marry him, PP?

Because I didn't realize what love could be like until I stumbled onto this other guy. I thought contentment and marrying your best friend would be good enough. I didn't realize there was more. I never, ever meant to fall in love with someone else. I don't feel good about it.

Other guy just sees you every so often with no 'life stuff' attached. He probably wouldn't stick around for 20 years like the husband you do have is and he can't be a good guy (like the one you are married to) because he's screwing someone else's wife. You're being a fool.

+1

BTDT. I have to agree with this.

That her obsessive focus on the numbers on the scale is fucking stupid -- a heavier, strong body is sexier than a body which merely contains less mass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have lied about my number of sexual partners for almost 20 years. Told the lie once and never found a way to tell the truth. And he is totally one that will be hurt by the dishonesty even 20 years later. Wish that I was mature enough to go with the "none of your business" line at the time.

I am convinced that when I am old and forgetful that I will let it slip.

What did you tell him vs. the true number?

Told him 2, real number is 7.

Um, you're wasting a whole lot of angst over 5 partners?

Goes to honesty. My DW told me two then a few years later let slip that there was a third. Why would she have lied about him to begin with? I have to assume that there were more than that.

This goes to your being crazy!! That's her personal life BEFORE you, you have no right to know anything about it and a decent man wouldn't ask.

What's crazy is that I never asked about her number, she volunteered the information and then volunteered a different number some years later. Same as finding out about how endowed one of those guys was compared to me. I didn't ask because it's something I absolutely did not want to know. She volunteered that information as well. She tends to speak without thinking. A lot.

Anonymous wrote:That I wish he'd lose the weight and that it impacts how attracted I am to him.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That you are a really nice guy, a wonderful friend, partner, and father but that I am madly in love with another man. If it weren't for our children I would end the marriage.

Do him a favor and leave. A guy like that deserves someone better.

She deserves to be happy with the other man. Let her DH find someone who is madly in love with him.

Why did you marry him, PP?

Because I didn't realize what love could be like until I stumbled onto this other guy. I thought contentment and marrying your best friend would be good enough. I didn't realize there was more. I never, ever meant to fall in love with someone else. I don't feel good about it.

Other guy just sees you every so often with no 'life stuff' attached. He probably wouldn't stick around for 20 years like the husband you do have is and he can't be a good guy (like the one you are married to) because he's screwing someone else's wife. You're being a fool.

+1000

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still have an eating disorder.

Been there. I finally recovered after many hidden years. Hugs.

Congrats on your recovery, PP!

Did you get any kind of professional help before recovering? Does your DH know about the eating disorder now?

Yes, he knew about it and that I was working on recovery. I told him about some relapses but not all. What helped me the most was a combination of cognitive behavioral therapy (literally changing the way I thought about food), overeaters anonymous meetings (even though it was a different manifestation it was the same underlying issue and those meetings were lifesaving. Some even focus just on EDs), and then really just time passing and having kids helped me to get past it. I basically lost the black and white thinking and started challenging any thoughts I had that contributed to the cycle. For me, it was an addiction.

My dh was quite a rock during it all. Once I had substantial recovery, and he knew that, I couldn't bring myself to share the relapses. It's been almost 6 years now though.

Anonymous wrote:That when he whines and plays the victim for some really really absurd reason I wouldn't tolerate even for a child, I want to yell at him "MAN UP For Christ sake you are a unappealing pussy".

But I don't, because I love him, don't yell or say nasty words as a principle, and I know his ego cannot handle the idea that he acts "like a pussy"... But damn does it feel tempting...

Are you living with my husband? Is it possible he has two houses and two families?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That I wish he'd lose the weight and that it impacts how attracted I am to him.

+1

+1

We're never going to make $100k.