Anonymous
12/08/2015 20:20
Subject: Difficulty making friends with women
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was also going to ask you about your mom. It's less of an issue for me now, but when I was younger, I found myself frequently uncomfortable with many women, especially "girly girls". My mom got cancer when I was 13, and died a few years later. This phenomenon of being uncomfortable with women is actually described in the "Motherless Daughters" book.
PP who talked about her mom here. You hit the nail on the head. It is very hard to enjoy the company of women when not socialized to. My mother never taught me how to do my hair or dress, she never took an interest in who I was. I don't have any of the formative experiences that other women take for granted - manis/pedis, shopping for clothes, talking about boys, maybe cooking/sharing recipes, or just hanging out with mom. I had no idea how to carry myself as a woman or what it was like to feel safe in the company of women. Now, I am a fashionable, feminine woman (the learning has been hard work), but it is very hard as an unmothered woman to relate to other women.
Oh, I can so relate to this. In fact, it is painful to read. Mom has NPD, and I have intimacy issues with women big time. I try, and have friendships, but don't reveal enough about myself to truly be seen/known. Perpetually working on it, but it is hard. I realize this was pages ago, but hugs to you, PP.
PP here. Big hugs to you too. I know how it is. Losing one's good mom at a young age is hard, but having a mother who is alive but perpetually hateful and neglectful is a different level as far as what it does to one's perception of other women and sense of self as a woman. For many years, the word "mother" was practically a curse word to me. Only now that I am estranged from that woman and a mother myself has my dynamic with other women began to improve as I heal. Revealing myself to other women enough to permit real intimacy is a huge struggle and may always be.
Anonymous
12/08/2015 18:56
Subject: Re:Difficulty making friends with women
not using your friends as a sounding board to talk about yourself
I like this suggestion