Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm finding out that baptisms are a very big thing in DH's family. They're big to me too, but not as the social event that my IL's see them as. DC is getting baptized this summer and MIL and FIL are insisting on coming, except they want us to pay their travel expenses! (They live halfway across the country). We're not poor, but we do have very expensive childcare, and this will deplete our vacation fund plus some, which means no vacation this year and possibly next year. They also want us to throw a big party for DC. DH has told me there's no other way and he won't put his foot down with mom and dad. I've offered to fly them here on award tickets, but they "don't fly that airline, dear." I just wanted a sacrament performed and now it's costing us $1500+ at the very LEAST (we don't have room in our house for them so we'd have to put them up in a hotel as well). Am I in the wrong here?

absofuckinglutely not.

this sounds like the dh in the other thread...if he won't put his foot down and say NO then you do it.

Oh, I did. But I can say no all I want, and he'll still buy the tickets. They live in a small town with barely any air service and it's expensive. I cringe just thinking of the cost.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, did this get resolved?

They aren't coming. DH finally admitted that since they really don't care about the baptism itself, it doesn't make much sense to go out of our way for them like that.

I don't think he's told them that yet though.

Anonymous wrote:Good for you, OP!

Anonymous wrote:OP, did this get resolved?

Anonymous wrote:Okay, enough people have harped on the issue of the recalcitrant parents and the lack of marital negotiation.

So, if your husband is dead set on this and insists that he needs to do this, then you need to say that if you two are going to commit to this, then he needs to find a way to replenish the savings that are being used to pay for this. If he gets coffee in the morning on the way to work, he has to cut that out. If he buys lunch, he'll need to start brown-bagging. Lose cable, cut back on the cell plan, etc. He'll have to give something up to save that money and pay it back. Look for ways to save a little more. Even if it is just $100-150 per month, after a year, you'll have paid the savings back and have your vacation fund back.

Make him understand that if he wants to use the nuclear option of insisting that family funds be used in a way you don't agree with, that he'll have to make sacrifices to pay it back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would reschedule the baptism for next week. Get it done in a quick private ceremony and then tell them sorry, had to get it done because x. But I'm an a-hole and my husband knew this when he married me. Problem solved.

And with that said, I would also offer to have a little party in their town when we visited. Perhaps I would invite their priest/minister to pray over the baby.

Anonymous wrote:I would reschedule the baptism for next week. Get it done in a quick private ceremony and then tell them sorry, had to get it done because x. But I'm an a-hole and my husband knew this when he married me. Problem solved.