Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 12:58     Subject: husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:Op here:

Contrary to immediate PP, I think I learned a lot from this thread. I"m not going to go for this and have found a lot of logical reasoning, and support on here.

This tread got me from a reactionary, emotional place to one of peaceful logic.

So again, thanks to all of you, especially the poster who shared the personal dementia story. It opened my eyes to the fact that we have to have some conversations about helping family because it is possible that other demands and requests will be made. We need to have that global discussion now before real needs are expressed and clearly this is a want that doesn't benefit either of us or our children.

Maybe he feels like he should return what they gave to him. IDK yet.


You need to watch this. It's a rabbit hole. Nothing will ever be good enough. No amount of money spent on or amount of time spent with them will ever be enough
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 11:47     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:I like my parents very much, and one reason for that is that they wouldn't dream of imposing on me and my DH in this manner.

As long as they are in full command of their faculties. Senility, dementia, stroke may put paid to that but quick.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 11:43     Subject: husband wants to buy house with his parents
OP, just say NO with capitals. My BIL has been trying to guilt trip us and my other BIL's to buy his parents two properties and build one of the homes from scratch. Not one but two. Money does not grow on trees!
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 11:23     Subject: husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:Wow OP these posters have you divorced already!!

Hurry, get those assets he manages for the two of you out of his name! You'll be sorry.

Sorry, but I didn't get the impression your marriage was in trouble. Yes, your husbands childish but most are in their own way.




I'm sorry but I disagree. I'm less concerned about buying a house than the fact that DH agreed without her consent, screwing her retirement plans, is continuing to pout, and refusing to do other house-parenting chores. His methods of communication and decision making are worrisome.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 11:21     Subject: husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:I think this conversation about scams and so forth might be drifting. OP herself says her ILs are good people, and who are we to think we know better? To me it sounds simpler and less nefarious. The ILs want a significantly nicer house than they can afford; DH wants to give it to them and has convinced himself it's a good idea, but it isn't at all (except for the ILs). While in all all probability DH and ILs would be going in with the best of intentions, I suspect this purchase would begin a slippery slope of also asking for rent breaks, assistance around the property, etc. etc. etc. And that's not including tax and inheritance ramifications. I posted earlier about this and think it's the biggest danger: that DH would cut his parents breaks on the rent - more and more over time as health bills and other costs mount - and OP would be stuck holding the bag on a house she doesn't want.


+1. I'm not thinking they are out to scam her, but this deal is going to drift in a bad direction as the parents age. OP is going to be carrying all the normal risks of owning rental real estate, but also dealing with a DH who is not on the same page as she is about how to treat the ILs, which will be hard on the marriage. And the DH and FIL thinking they don't need professional advice is a red flag-- their overconfidence will lead them into a bad deal and bad tax planning.

The scenario that scares me the most is that one of them gets sick and they have to spend their nest egg on that, but the other one is healthy and doesn't want to move out of the house, yet can't manage the property without help. So the OP would be stuck getting no rent, paying all the taxes and maintenance, and also doing a ton of work. With a normal tenant you have the option of evicting (though it's very difficult to do even then), but OP's DH would never evict his parents. This is going to leave OP holding the bag, and her DH will be very disappointed when his rosy scenario does not come true. For the sake of his own relationship with his parents, OP, I beg you, say no!

And all of this just because they want a nicer house than they can afford. It's not like they would be destitute. They just want a McMansion on their DIL's dime.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 11:10     Subject: husband wants to buy house with his parents
I think this conversation about scams and so forth might be drifting. OP herself says her ILs are good people, and who are we to think we know better? To me it sounds simpler and less nefarious. The ILs want a significantly nicer house than they can afford; DH wants to give it to them and has convinced himself it's a good idea, but it isn't at all (except for the ILs). While in all all probability DH and ILs would be going in with the best of intentions, I suspect this purchase would begin a slippery slope of also asking for rent breaks, assistance around the property, etc. etc. etc. And that's not including tax and inheritance ramifications. I posted earlier about this and think it's the biggest danger: that DH would cut his parents breaks on the rent - more and more over time as health bills and other costs mount - and OP would be stuck holding the bag on a house she doesn't want.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 11:09     Subject: husband wants to buy house with his parents
Wow OP these posters have you divorced already!!

Hurry, get those assets he manages for the two of you out of his name! You'll be sorry.

Sorry, but I didn't get the impression your marriage was in trouble. Yes, your husbands childish but most are in their own way.

Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 11:05     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All I can think of is your DH thinks that ANY house he buys here will surely appreciate and then he will have the money.
I know someone who did what your DH is proposing. the DW was the breadwinner and her DH talked her into buying a home with his sister. Why ? It never made sense. She was young and made a high salary by working all the time. SIL basically forced the sale of the house to get "her" equity out, forced DH and DW to buy another home at the top of the market after they lived there for 5 years. It was a disaster. Sister's DH said "It was that or goodbye to sister, so I chose that" they lost their shirts on that deal. And it was "family" I think keeping family together means acting responsibly by not getting into situations like this one.


I would never enter into any agreement like this with a sibling. Parents are another story. I thinks it's really amazing that most of these posters think their parents will cheat them or be nightmare tenants. This is crazy talk. These posters must have had just the worst parents, it's a wonder they were even able to go to college and have careers. Gee, I wonder if their did something right in instilling that desire ?

Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.


In the interests of finding out the truth, I think YOU, pp, should go ahead and buy your responsible parents a house and report to us how it works out, k?



PP most people who take charity never start out wanting to screw anyone. It happens. Perhaps you have very limited life experience. People will shirk responsibility when things get hard and feel completely justified.

You know I would if I could. I talked to my parents. We had a NORMAL adult relationship. They are now both deceased and never in a million years would they have taken advantage on me. Let's flip the coin, if you have children, would you screw them over ?


My guess is I'm much older than you and probably have much more life experience. My family has a sense of responsibility, tied to their value system. It's pride. This whole situation really depends on OPs relationship with these people. They could be scam artists but then what does that say for her choices? She married their son..
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 10:59     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.


Then let them get jobs and work for what they want.


Guess you don't like your parents either ...and I'm pretty sure OP said her FIL is a lawyer.



Your attempts to shame any poster as not loving his/her parents when questioning this set up is manipulative and dishonest.


It's more dishonest to be snarky behind their back and assume the worse behavior.

No shaming here . I could less if you love your parents or not. I just find it really interesting the amount of posters that seem to really distrust parental motivation. Granted these are the OPs in laws but she loves their son - right? He mostly likely was shaped by them - right?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 10:59     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Bad things can happen at any age. Yes, it's more likely to happen to someone in their 60s but don't assume they haven't already debated this and decided this was a viable option. OP needs to ferret out why they want to go this route. It could totally be some type of nefarious ploy to get money or it could be a win for all involved .


There's no nefarious ploy, just a bunch of clueless people who think they have a genius plan, if only OP would give them her money.


You do not know that there isn't a nefarious plot behind all of this. I'm active on a marriage board on another site and yes, stuff like this does happen when a spouse is considering divorce and knows divorce will cause poverty.


This is actually a very interesting point I never thought of (I have responded before with a host of reasons against this as well). If OP and DH's name are both on the deed and mortgage, then a division of assets could result with DH getting the home his parents live in, is that correct?
Yikes OP, I'm sure you aren't going to mention this to your DH or inlaws, but keep this in the back of your head for sure
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 10:14     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:All I can think of is your DH thinks that ANY house he buys here will surely appreciate and then he will have the money.
I know someone who did what your DH is proposing. the DW was the breadwinner and her DH talked her into buying a home with his sister. Why ? It never made sense. She was young and made a high salary by working all the time. SIL basically forced the sale of the house to get "her" equity out, forced DH and DW to buy another home at the top of the market after they lived there for 5 years. It was a disaster. Sister's DH said "It was that or goodbye to sister, so I chose that" they lost their shirts on that deal. And it was "family" I think keeping family together means acting responsibly by not getting into situations like this one.


I would never enter into any agreement like this with a sibling. Parents are another story. I thinks it's really amazing that most of these posters think their parents will cheat them or be nightmare tenants. This is crazy talk. These posters must have had just the worst parents, it's a wonder they were even able to go to college and have careers. Gee, I wonder if their did something right in instilling that desire ?

Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.


In the interests of finding out the truth, I think YOU, pp, should go ahead and buy your responsible parents a house and report to us how it works out, k?



PP most people who take charity never start out wanting to screw anyone. It happens. Perhaps you have very limited life experience. People will shirk responsibility when things get hard and feel completely justified.

You know I would if I could. I talked to my parents. We had a NORMAL adult relationship. They are now both deceased and never in a million years would they have taken advantage on me. Let's flip the coin, if you have children, would you screw them over ?
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 10:08     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

Bad things can happen at any age. Yes, it's more likely to happen to someone in their 60s but don't assume they haven't already debated this and decided this was a viable option. OP needs to ferret out why they want to go this route. It could totally be some type of nefarious ploy to get money or it could be a win for all involved .


There's no nefarious ploy, just a bunch of clueless people who think they have a genius plan, if only OP would give them her money.


You do not know that there isn't a nefarious plot behind all of this. I'm active on a marriage board on another site and yes, stuff like this does happen when a spouse is considering divorce and knows divorce will cause poverty.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 09:47     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:

Bad things can happen at any age. Yes, it's more likely to happen to someone in their 60s but don't assume they haven't already debated this and decided this was a viable option. OP needs to ferret out why they want to go this route. It could totally be some type of nefarious ploy to get money or it could be a win for all involved .


There's no nefarious ploy, just a bunch of clueless people who think they have a genius plan, if only OP would give them her money.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 09:46     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:

You know I would if I could. I talked to my parents. We had a NORMAL adult relationship. They are now both deceased and never in a million years would they have taken advantage on me. Let's flip the coin, if you have children, would you screw them over ?


It's not that they're planning to take advantage. It's just that things don't always turn out as expected. It's very, very hard for some older people to accept that they won't always be healthy, or that they can't have the standard of living they were expecting. OP's in-laws are not being realistic about either of those things.


Bad things can happen at any age. Yes, it's more likely to happen to someone in their 60s but don't assume they haven't already debated this and decided this was a viable option. OP needs to ferret out why they want to go this route. It could totally be some type of nefarious ploy to get money or it could be a win for all involved .


Please, tell us how it could be a win for the OP.
Anonymous
Post 03/10/2015 09:38     Subject: Re:husband wants to buy house with his parents
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Give all these seniors some credit - btw 60's in no longer considered that old.


Then let them get jobs and work for what they want.


Guess you don't like your parents either ...and I'm pretty sure OP said her FIL is a lawyer.



Your attempts to shame any poster as not loving his/her parents when questioning this set up is manipulative and dishonest.