Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 18:07     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote: OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.


A mixer? You want to give a new DIL you barely know a kitchen appliance??? Does she even cook???

Either your good gift giving sense is off, or you have a very finely tuned sense for the slingshot bad gift.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 18:00     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You got a gift for the dog, not your DIL . Your son shouldn't have told you but you picked a terrible gift.


you are so not a dog person.


I'm a dog person and dammit, a gift for the dog is a gift for the dog! If it were my birthday and you gave me a cute dress for my DD, I'd be like, WTF?

It's in the similar vein, but not that bad. Get her something femininely stupid and personal for her birthday. Gap? Victoria's Secret? I don't know. She may just be overly sensitive these days, or she may be permanently difficult to please. Only time will tell.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 17:38     Subject: Re:new DIL didn't like my gift :(
It is a devious and passive aggressive gift to a new DIL. Don't act so innocent, OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 17:37     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I still side with DIL - of course she's hurt - you got your son a gift and you got the dog a gift - an animal you admittedly call your "grand-pet" that you love, but basically didn't get anything at all for DIL.

Note, she didn't mention a thing to you. Your son did. I imagine her feelings would be pretty hurt if she even said something to him.

I would be hurt if my mil bought my husband something for himself and gave me a gift card to buybuybaby to spend on my kids. Now, maybe I don't love them as much as dog people love dogs, but no matter how great a stroller or outfit or backyard toy is, it's not for me.


Op again-my mom and I were just talking about this yesterday. Now, I would be thrilled to get a buybuybaby card-I would splurge on something fancy for baby that I might otherwise not have. My mom likes things like that too. She pointed out that maybe not everyone is like us, and maybe would have wanted something just for them. So I guess that is a possibility here.

I didn't get her the clothes card because I thought that might look like 'I thought you looked raggedty so get some new stuff'. Ds DID look like that hahaha so I got that for him.

So many landmines in these situations!

As far as DS, I worry...it's out of character for him to have said something at all. I hope he wanted to tell me this stuff, and wasn't made or guilted into it. We've always been close, and I am very supportive of him. Like I said, I am letting it go and will act like nothing happened. I do understand that DIL and I probably are not going to be close, sadly, but I will always act nice. I think that is what my DS would prefer.


... OP you are very manipulative and you got just what you wanted which is discord between DS and DIL. Now its the poor me -- I hope SD wasn't forced to complain about my awfully inappropriate gift, because we are so close that DIL would not mind a gift for DS and the DOG. DIL ranks lower than the family et is the subliminal message.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 17:22     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:Appliances make sense if it is for a known hobby of the recipient. But a random kitchen appliance may not be useful and may add to clutter in a small apartment.

DIL's pet is her hobby, so gc was not a random gift.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 14:46     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
I did not realize until I read this thread that MIL didn't give me a specific gift of my own. She gave my kids gifts and that's what I expected and what most of my family does. When you have a new baby, stuff for the baby is your gift. Why is your DIL offended by this? Weird. I think what you sent was nice OP.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 10:10     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Appliances make sense if it is for a known hobby of the recipient. But a random kitchen appliance may not be useful and may add to clutter in a small apartment.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 10:05     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Not op- why can't appliances be for the individual? My dh cooks for a hobby and he's gotten items. He loves them.
Anonymous
Post 01/07/2015 08:23     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
I see right through you, OP.
I kind of sided with you on the first post...maybe it was an oversight, unintentional, whatever. But your follow up posts show how manipulative and passive aggressive you are.

You're trying so hard to be seen as the victim "they have no money...I just went to help them...they don't need to give me anything." Oh come on. There is absolutely more to this situation that you haven't divulged.

You're in your 40's, you're not an elderly MIL who doesn't "get it." Household appliances are for the family, not the individual. And that includes pet supplies and kitchen-aids. You're not trying to make this right, you're trying to hear how right you and how rude your DIL is. Seems like you aren't interested in making this relationship with her work.

Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 14:29     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Wow, both your son and DIL sound rather immature. Your son should never have shared what she said with you. And she should not have made such a big deal out of the gift. My MIL doesn't get me Christmas gifts and I don't get them for her. I like her just fine, and assume she feels the same way about me.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 14:17     Subject: Re:new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
OP - With a new baby and the holidays, you did very well to remember your DS and DIL, and I would not say anything and do as you have behaved quite appropriately with your MIL over the years. Since they are both poor students, you and DH might sent them "a joint" gift card for a dinner out for Valentines Day with a nice car to both S/DL about what a nice couple or whatever theme. This will be an unexpected surprise and hopefully appreciated. In time you will get to know her preferences in terms of stores and may feel comfortable doing that.


Op here-Thanks, this is a good idea! I hadn't thought of that-maybe it will smooth things over a bit too.
Anonymous
Post 01/02/2015 10:40     Subject: Re:new DIL didn't like my gift :(

OP - With a new baby and the holidays, you did very well to remember your DS and DIL, and I would not say anything and do as you have behaved quite appropriately with your MIL over the years. Since they are both poor students, you and DH might sent them "a joint" gift card for a dinner out for Valentines Day with a nice car to both S/DL about what a nice couple or whatever theme. This will be an unexpected surprise and hopefully appreciated. In time you will get to know her preferences in terms of stores and may feel comfortable doing that.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 23:13     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You know, if my mom OR MIL was ever interested enough to get me something for my dogs, rather than another useless piece of girly nonsense, I'd be delighted.


Put "Dog gift" on your wish list for next year. Maybe they'll finally figure it out!


+1
I say be crystal clear. Write them and tell them you are only accepting gifts for Fido. And be specific about what Fido wants.
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 22:11     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
Anonymous wrote:You know, if my mom OR MIL was ever interested enough to get me something for my dogs, rather than another useless piece of girly nonsense, I'd be delighted.


Put "Dog gift" on your wish list for next year. Maybe they'll finally figure it out!
Anonymous
Post 01/01/2015 22:09     Subject: new DIL didn't like my gift :(
You know, if my mom OR MIL was ever interested enough to get me something for my dogs, rather than another useless piece of girly nonsense, I'd be delighted.