Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

I wonder if that is me you see. I am default 3/4 of the year because DH is a teacher. It is not all that good for my career. The good news is that I have my own clients, and therefore can set my own schedule, more or less. Makes it hard, though.

You realize that you are the default parent not because DH is a teacher, but because you are a woman, right? I am also a teacher and the default parent--as is 95% of the other female-mother teachers I work with, including those whose husbands are in BigLaw. Division of parenting responsibilities--even beyond the breast-feeding stage--is still remarkably sexist.

Because there is no reason for the parent who gets summers and school holidays off to be the default parent other than sexism? Come on.

Did you read the previous PP? This woman is a law firm partner, her DH is a teacher, and SHE is the one who is the default parent.

It makes sense for many reasons for teachers to be the default parent--which is one reason why so many women are attracted to teaching as a career--but it really only serves to reinforce the idea that parenting responsibilities remain largely divided along gender lines.

I don't think that was her point. I think she was saying she was the default parent as far as school events, drop off and pick up, because her DH as a teacher does not have the flexibility to do these things. As a teacher, you must be at work at a certain time and it is very difficult to leave during the school day. I am a teacher and I never do drop off for my kids because I am already teaching 90 minutes before they are in school. My husband (not a lawyer, but still busy at his own job) does all the drop offs and many of the field trips/parties because it is easier for him to run out for a couple of hours during the day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

I wonder if that is me you see. I am default 3/4 of the year because DH is a teacher. It is not all that good for my career. The good news is that I have my own clients, and therefore can set my own schedule, more or less. Makes it hard, though.

You realize that you are the default parent not because DH is a teacher, but because you are a woman, right? I am also a teacher and the default parent--as is 95% of the other female-mother teachers I work with, including those whose husbands are in BigLaw. Division of parenting responsibilities--even beyond the breast-feeding stage--is still remarkably sexist.

Because there is no reason for the parent who gets summers and school holidays off to be the default parent other than sexism? Come on.

Did you read the previous PP? This woman is a law firm partner, her DH is a teacher, and SHE is the one who is the default parent.

It makes sense for many reasons for teachers to be the default parent--which is one reason why so many women are attracted to teaching as a career--but it really only serves to reinforce the idea that parenting responsibilities remain largely divided along gender lines.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

I wonder if that is me you see. I am default 3/4 of the year because DH is a teacher. It is not all that good for my career. The good news is that I have my own clients, and therefore can set my own schedule, more or less. Makes it hard, though.

You realize that you are the default parent not because DH is a teacher, but because you are a woman, right? I am also a teacher and the default parent--as is 95% of the other female-mother teachers I work with, including those whose husbands are in BigLaw. Division of parenting responsibilities--even beyond the breast-feeding stage--is still remarkably sexist.

Because there is no reason for the parent who gets summers and school holidays off to be the default parent other than sexism? Come on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

I wonder if that is me you see. I am default 3/4 of the year because DH is a teacher. It is not all that good for my career. The good news is that I have my own clients, and therefore can set my own schedule, more or less. Makes it hard, though.

You realize that you are the default parent not because DH is a teacher, but because you are a woman, right? I am also a teacher and the default parent--as is 95% of the other female-mother teachers I work with, including those whose husbands are in BigLaw. Division of parenting responsibilities--even beyond the breast-feeding stage--is still remarkably sexist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

I wonder if that is me you see. I am default 3/4 of the year because DH is a teacher. It is not all that good for my career. The good news is that I have my own clients, and therefore can set my own schedule, more or less. Makes it hard, though.

Anonymous wrote:AUSA: I worked at three different big shops in NY and DC (eventually as a income partner) and by all accounts did well enough to gracefully land at the USAO. They were all the same. The pressure of institutional attrition, client billing origination fights, and just non-sense. No, people really didn't want me to be successful beyond raising their star. I actually saw terrible things in the evaluation process of associates as a young partner, and looked up and saw my life. It wasn't just fighting with opposing counsel. It was fighting with my colleagues, pushing junior people out the door, and trying to squeeze every ounce of billing out of clients who didn't want to pay my (inflated) rates.

It was, a miserable existence. And I wasn't a peach to my husband (who was the default parent).

We drastically downsized our lifestyle expectations, but we're fine. OP needs to realize that if her husband's job is the problem, it needs to go. Or she needs to accept it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pretty much. One of you has to do it, and if he is a partner, he can't.

Says who? I am a BigLaw partner and I am the default parent. Welcome to 2014.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

She picks her child up every day from school? This doesn't seem possible to me. Drop off I could see since many lawyers go in late, but pick up??

No, she doesn't pick up every day. I don't either. I work. But anytime I've been at pick up because of a special occasion (class party, holiday, etc), she is the one there.

I'm guessing she isn't a high earning partner. There are some firms that allow partners to work part time or take a slower pace for a few years, but this is only acceptable for women and they earn less because of it.

Totally disagree. I'm guessing that she has more flexibility in her schedule for one-off events like that, but would never be able to make the daily pickup work.

Anonymous wrote:AUSA here (who did biglaw). It's a lot of work but completely different. We work together to further the agency's mission. There's no mission in biglaw except to survive. That usually entails taking anyone who is a threat down and going out of your way to not be collaborative, and to be overly critical over stupid things to justify your existence. That's the toxic environment people are talking about.

When you spend 60-80 hours a week with people vested in your failure, it takes a toll. So, OP, your husband is probably not the best person right now. You wouldn't be either under the same circumstances. Trust.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. There is a mom in my son's class who is a law firm partner and she is the only one I have ever seen at drop off or pick up or at any type of school function. It's like the dad doesn't exist. So seems like she's the default parent.

What a shock - it probably depends whether law firm partner is the husband or the wife.

I wonder if that is me you see. I am default 3/4 of the year because DH is a teacher. It is not all that good for my career. The good news is that I have my own clients, and therefore can set my own schedule, more or less. Makes it hard, though.

When you spend 60-80 hours a week with people vested in your failure, it takes a toll.