Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 20:32     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I think 10-15 min late is optimal. Somehow arriving right on time seems odd to me (unless it's like your sister or best friends house and then presumably you're doing it so you can help). It screams -- I've never been invited to a party before and I want to take advantage of every single second of it.

As for the Indian standard of being an hr late -- I'm Indian and my family did that only for big events where we knew we wouldn't be missed. If someone invited me and another family for dinner -- no way would I be an hr late -- as it holds up eating for everyone. For the big big Indian parties (you know -- your standard 500 people in a reception hall parties), I think it matters a lot less because dinner is served when it's served no matter how many are there.


I always thought people were fairly late to Indian parties bc they are REALLY long. It isn't odd for a party to end around midnight, so do you really want to get there at 6 pm? The worst etiquette I've ever seen was at an Indian party though. Graduation party starting around 6 pm. While I'm Indian, I was one of the school friend invitees, so I couldn't be super late -- got there around 630-ish. No freaking food served -- besides one mini samosa and a glass of coke -- by the time our high school group ditched that party at 10 pm and hit McDonalds. I'm sorry -- if you don't want to serve friends, don't invite them. If you do want to feed everyone, then start feeding them at a reasonable hour no matter who is coming or going -- keep the party buffet style with "courses" if you have some inclination to keep people there all night, but starving your guests leaves a bad impression.


OUCH! Not serving lots of appetizers when your guests start arriving is bad form. If it is any consolation these sorry excuse of hosts were universally criticized and condemned by other Indians. You can bet there were comments about the family background and upbringing of the hosts - these things do not go unpunished.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 20:29     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
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Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.


+1



Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50


so funny!


don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!


I think she was referring to Italy, not 2nd/3rd generation Italian Americans.


I am first generation. My parents were born there. We were never taught to arrive late.


If you were born in Italy and immigrated to the US you are 1st generation. But it sounds like your parents immigrated here and you were born here so you are 2nd generation.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 20:26     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Never show up early. So rude! The host has stated when they want to start entertaining. Please respect their wishes.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 20:21     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.


+1



Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50


so funny!


don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!


I think she was referring to Italy, not 2nd/3rd generation Italian Americans.


I am first generation. My parents were born there. We were never taught to arrive late.

So? I'm an immigrant, but I won't teach my American-born children norms of the old country that don't make sense here. We live in the US, I teach him American manners. Perhaps that's what your parents did.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 17:11     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.


+1



Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50


so funny!


don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!


I think she was referring to Italy, not 2nd/3rd generation Italian Americans.


I am first generation. My parents were born there. We were never taught to arrive late.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 15:07     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:No one wants to be the first one to arrive. Awkward. But I tend to think past 15 minutes after announced time, happens to be rude.

While we are on the subject, don't make anyone wait until the wee hours to eat. I am so over the late nights, as are most people I know.

MIL throws some carrots on the coffee table, which disappear quickly while we wait 2 hours to eat. Kills me every time.


Ugh. When we go to ILs for meals we snack beforehand because they take our arrival as the cue to START preparing the meal. The long prelude to the meal with them is torture.



I hate that!
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 15:03     Subject: Re:Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Even if you are the perfect hostess who is always completely prepared and eagerly awaiting early arrivers 10 minutes before the scheduled start time, I think there have been enough responses to the contrary here to show that this is not the case for everyone. Since you may not know which one your host may be (or whether a host who is usually the former had a mishap in the prep and therefore is not ready 10 minutes early this time), can we just agree that it is a kindness for those hosts to not show up early? After all, part of being a good guest is not unreasonably imposing on your host, and sitting in your car or walking around the block for ten minutes is a small effort to be kind to a host who may not be ready quite yet.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 15:02     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm always early to everything. I've never been late to anything ever. 10 min early to me is normal.


Me too. I start panicking when people are late. Late to me is anytime past the designated time.


You should both know that arriving early to a dinner party - or any event at someone's house - is ruder than arriving 5 minutes late.


ABSOLUTELY RIGHT
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 15:00     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
I have friends that ALWAYS do this. I usually end up serving dinner with wet hair, as I always get dressed after I'm done cooking so I can avoid sweaty red face and splattered clothes syndrome. It's rude and now when I invite them over (love 'em despite their quirks), I have to plan to be done with everything even earlier so I can be the gracious hostess handing out drinks when they arrive 10 (or 15-20!) minutes early. Makes timing stuff more difficult because two other families are usually late.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 14:20     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Ten pages on this, really???

I sincerely hope the consensus was NOT to arrive early. Those last ten minutes are almost always fraught w/ last minute preparations.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 14:00     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:There's a good Office episode about Michael arriving early to a party.
http://www.tvweb.com/shows/the-office/season-3/the-negotiation--potato-salad


That about sums it up!
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 13:57     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
There's a good Office episode about Michael arriving early to a party.
http://www.tvweb.com/shows/the-office/season-3/the-negotiation--potato-salad
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 13:54     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

You're probably one of those people who intentionally arrive early to make the host uncomfortable. You probably don't get many repeat invites.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 13:51     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.


+1



Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50


so funny!


Indians show up usually an hour late. It is called IST (Indian Standard Time). Being 1/2 hour late means that you are actually early. So, in a party where both Indians and Americans are expected - Americans are given the correct time and Indians are given an earlier time.

- Indian.


And I had black friends in college who called it CST - colored people time. So, I guess everyone has some version! If you go to an Indian party at the time requested, you will most certainly be the first one there, and the host will not be expecting you at that time.

Yep. I mentioned that (CPT) in an earlier comment.
Anonymous
Post 10/20/2014 13:47     Subject: Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Ten minutes early used to be the expected norm. Far, far better than being at all late. Any prepared hostess would have everything ready, and have herself ready to greet guests.

If a host/hostess isn't dressed ten minutes before IMO they aren't organized.

I try now to be only a couple of minutes early.

You obviously don't host much. And, if you do, I bet you serve take out.


Even if the host is disorganized, it is bad manners to arrive early, therefore highlighting the hosts lack of organization, and make the host feel uncomfortable. Courtesy dictates that you don't put others on the spot and make them uncomfortable, but rather that you make an effort to smooth over the little awkward moments that may arise in social situations. It is foreseeable that a person planning a dinner party may run into some unexpected delays and need a few minutes of extra time; therefore a polite person allows the host that 5-10 minute buffer.