It (mostly) goes out the window in the moment. But I still think about it sometimes and cringe (22 years later). I'm a very private person, and my kid's delivery was complicated and in a teaching hospital -- lots of people in the room.

Anonymous wrote:Do you have a history of CSA or similar?

Can you stop with this? No, those of us who didn't feel comfortable with our medicalized birth process staffed by people who do not respect physiologic birth and are trained to move labor along as fast as possible to protect the hospital's bottom line , do not have something wrong with us.

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I've seen my Dad through multiple cancer surgeries and I think that was much worse for him. He had the added complication of his kids seeing him not himself and covered in bandages. So it is part of life.

I realize no one can tell you it's fine and no one cares, as the reality is that it is in your head. Find the small things you can control. Like for me, wearing my own silly socks during medical procedures helps me feel better. I even bought my own grippy socks. My Dad had his own music in the hospital and was able to being his own robe from home. It's just a small things you can control.

Birth is a physiologic process. It doesn't need to be treated the way that it so often is in hospitals.

Women should not have to be confined to hospital beds in order to have the babies electronically monitored during an uncomplicated birth. They should be able to move freely and walk around . But the hospitals are understaffed (gotta save up money for the fat administrator paychecks). So they use electronic monitoring to allow the nurses monitor all the laboring moms centrally, instead of having someone check on each person intermittently.

I mean, I've seen my Dad through multiple cancer surgeries and I think that was much worse for him. He had the added complication of his kids seeing him not himself and covered in bandages. So it is part of life.

I realize no one can tell you it's fine and no one cares, as the reality is that it is in your head. Find the small things you can control. Like for me, wearing my own silly socks during medical procedures helps me feel better. I even bought my own grippy socks. My Dad had his own music in the hospital and was able to being his own robe from home. It's just a small things you can control.

Anonymous wrote:it is amazing how much you truly DO NOT CARE - it is like temporary insanity

Disagree. I'm not a modest person either, but very few people have seen me without underwear on. I didn't care about men vs women either. In fact, I actually minded the men less than the women during delivery. I felt more judged for the amount of pain I was in by the women.

The whole thing was very humiliating and I did NOT stop caring during labor. I truly cared the entire time. I just wanted to GTFO of there.

And no, I'm not a SA victim. What a weird connection.

Do you have a history of CSA or similar?

I really, really need those of you explaining your personal experience as universal to stop.

You may have been amazed by how much you did not care about modesty during birth. This is not how everyone feels.

You may have ripped off your clothes, become very bold, not cared how many people were in the room, not cared about whether people present were men or women, etc. This is not how everyone feels.

Many people on this thread have explained that they felt humiliated and uncomfortable during birth, especially when modesty was not respected. I am one of them. It's not weird or unusual -- many women feel this way.

Please stop telling people "oh you won't care" or acting like women who do care are weird outliers just because that wasn't your personal experience. There's no "normal" and "abnormal" when it comes to how women feel about their own birth experiences. It's all valid.

Stop telling women how to feel, invalidating the feelings they express, predicting how they will feel, etc. You don't know. All you know is how you feel.

it is amazing how much you truly DO NOT CARE - it is like temporary insanity

If you are that modest then ask for an all female L&D. staff.

Anonymous wrote:Any FTM worries about some aspect of delivery: will I need a c-section? Will my preferred OB be on call? You may be worrying generally and focusing on humiliation.

For me, normal inhibitions went out the window. So when the anesthesiologist started to walk away w/o giving me an epidural, I barked at him, “Where do you think you’re going?” I never talk to anyone like that. ( I was fully dilated faster than expected after Pitocin and had no painkiller for L&D.)

Childbirth will bring lots of new experiences. You may be surprised that humiliation isn’t one of them.

But no one needs to bring an entourage into L&D. And if you don’t want students observing, you can say so.

Good luck.

OP, with my first DC, a nurse asked if a student could observe and I declined. Best decision for me and my family and it was no big deal.

Anonymous wrote:Modesty goes completely out the window in labor. You'll see.

This!

Any FTM worries about some aspect of delivery: will I need a c-section? Will my preferred OB be on call? You may be worrying generally and focusing on humiliation.

For me, normal inhibitions went out the window. So when the anesthesiologist started to walk away w/o giving me an epidural, I barked at him, “Where do you think you’re going?” I never talk to anyone like that. ( I was fully dilated faster than expected after Pitocin and had no painkiller for L&D.)

Childbirth will bring lots of new experiences. You may be surprised that humiliation isn’t one of them.

But no one needs to bring an entourage into L&D. And if you don’t want students observing, you can say so.

Good luck.

You will not care, but depending on what kind of husband you have, you may feel he does not need to be there. In many cultures, the husband does not see or participate and there are valid reasons for this.

Good luck, OP. I am a person with ... issues and I had specific worries prior to my first birth. I was so comforted by the another-day-at-the-office attitude of the workers involved, that I didn't worry the second time around. It is a big deal for you, and you should do anything that makes you comfortable, but all those folks involved don't see much as a big deal.

Gotta love how intolerant certain people are about how other people feel about their own experiences..you call yourselves feminists and that's absolutely disgusting.