1-2x a week. Married 15 years.

Anonymous wrote:But they can control how much they prioritize sex and put an effort into getting into the mood. Which is where expectations kick in. If you're low drive but you and your spouse have set expectations for your marriage, you're less likely to sit around and wait for the mood to magically strike or expect your spouse to do all the heavy lifting getting you into the mood. You'll take some initiative by reading erotical or looking at porn or masturbating to keep in touch with your sexuality.

I'm a 3-4 a week person, but that was not always the case. My DH is high drive and it was a major problem in our relationship. One day I decided that I was going to just say yes instead of NO and not make it a big deal in my head. After 2 weeks of just saying yes, I asked DH to stop masturbating because sex was taking too long (I always orgasm and normally it happens in under 10 minuets). His masturbating was making sex last 30 min which often we simply don't have time for. In turn for him to stop masturbating, I agreed to more BJs and more HJs if I was not in the mood. It has worked out great and my drive has greatly increased. All I did was shift my attitude. Instead of it being a chore, I look at it as NBD.

For instance, this week we have been so busy, no sex M-F. He has been pulling 12 hour days. This morning, he said, hey, I'm going to head into the shower and need to masturbate. I asked him to stay in bed and I'd do it for him. I started to get turned on and we ended up having sex. That has been the way it has been playing out since I decided to shift my attitude. It was no big deal. Kids were sleeping, it's Saturday and it only took 20 minuets. He's happy, we are both happy. Marriage has greatly improved. People are fooling themselves if they think sex is not critical. For my DH, if he is getting regular sex, he is so pleasant to be around and just generally more relaxed. He will do just about anything and go with the flow when he's getting it. It truly makes him feel loved.

I think if you are both low drive in a marriage, my experience is of no relevance to you, but when drives differ, I do think the low drive person has to work more to meet the high drive person in the middle. Like anything in a marriage, compromise is healthy.

But they can control how much they prioritize sex and put an effort into getting into the mood. Which is where expectations kick in. If you're low drive but you and your spouse have set expectations for your marriage, you're less likely to sit around and wait for the mood to magically strike or expect your spouse to do all the heavy lifting getting you into the mood. You'll take some initiative by reading erotical or looking at porn or masturbating to keep in touch with your sexuality.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Love The earlier poster who said "my husband made it clear...." do you do everything he says?

I'm not that poster, but good for her nad her DH! To set clear expectations before getting married.

DOZENS of people on this website having affairs due to incompatible sex drives. Better to know up front what someone expects than to gwt a suprise

I call a big fat load of BS. The typical trajectory for a couple is to have sex constantly and the beginning of a relationship, then less and less and times go on. Between kids and aging, very few people are having the same amount of sex that 20 or 30 years into a relationship. And people can't really know how their drives will change over time.

Early 40s, 1 kid. Would like to every day, but five times a week will have to suffice.

I would be very unhappy with sex once a week, but that doesn't mean I think people who have sex once a week are unhappy. We're all different.

No kids but some medical troubles. 3x a week average, up to 6x when we are really in sync

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I love how the DCUM is populated by sex maniacs, but the national average of actual scientific studies shows something totally different.

3-4 times a week is a sex maniac?

What do they call those of us who prefer sex 7-12 times per week?

trolls and liars.

+1. Not to mention narcissists.

So, we should not judge those who are happy with infrequent sex, but those of us who are into it are trolls, liars and narcissists? That's a fail, ladies, a big, fat fail.

There's only one person on her whipped up into a frenzy here judging women as maniacs who enjoy frewuent sex. Nobodys judging the infrequent sex. This one frantic poster is all bent out of shape attempting desperately to convince herself that women really don't actuall have sex frequently and if they do they are sexual maniacs.

You are wrong, actually. More than one poster who is posting the fact that most Americans don't have sex 4 plus times a week. And the older you get, the less sex you tend to have. And if you aren't married, you have the least sex of all.


This is all statistical fact.

What does that have to do.with anything? Nobody has called the weekly sex posters liars, so your point is what exactly? There is indeed only one person judging people. This poster is statong that posters who enjoy frequent sex are teolls, liars, maniacs, and narcissists.

It is also a statistical fact that some married people still enjoy a frequent sex life. It is also a fact that many of them have chimed in. It is also a fact that a poster is very upset about it. It is theorized that said poster (s) has some unresolved issues about it and is projecting.

I am the poster who first raised the Kinsey Institute stats. No I do not think reports of high frequency sex are necessarily untrue. I just think it is important to know that sex once a week is perfectly average, not some kind of horrible pathology!

And who said it was? You are drawing conclusions for whatever personal reason.

Together 10 years. Married 6. A six year old and a two year old. Sex 2-3 times per week. It would be more but dh often works nights.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I love how the DCUM is populated by sex maniacs, but the national average of actual scientific studies shows something totally different.

3-4 times a week is a sex maniac?

What do they call those of us who prefer sex 7-12 times per week?

trolls and liars.

+1. Not to mention narcissists.

So, we should not judge those who are happy with infrequent sex, but those of us who are into it are trolls, liars and narcissists? That's a fail, ladies, a big, fat fail.

There's only one person on her whipped up into a frenzy here judging women as maniacs who enjoy frewuent sex. Nobodys judging the infrequent sex. This one frantic poster is all bent out of shape attempting desperately to convince herself that women really don't actuall have sex frequently and if they do they are sexual maniacs.

You are wrong, actually. More than one poster who is posting the fact that most Americans don't have sex 4 plus times a week. And the older you get, the less sex you tend to have. And if you aren't married, you have the least sex of all.


This is all statistical fact.

What does that have to do.with anything? Nobody has called the weekly sex posters liars, so your point is what exactly? There is indeed only one person judging people. This poster is statong that posters who enjoy frequent sex are teolls, liars, maniacs, and narcissists.

It is also a statistical fact that some married people still enjoy a frequent sex life. It is also a fact that many of them have chimed in. It is also a fact that a poster is very upset about it. It is theorized that said poster (s) has some unresolved issues about it and is projecting.

I am the poster who first raised the Kinsey Institute stats. No I do not think reports of high frequency sex are necessarily untrue. I just think it is important to know that sex once a week is perfectly average, not some kind of horrible pathology!

Anonymous wrote:Even if you think 4x/week is abnormal (and I suppose it is more than "normal"), it's not like there is a binary choice between 4x/week and once a month. Twice a week. Six times a month. All of these are good and viable options.

As to averages, somehow my wife is satisfied with average or below average sexual frequency but when I point out that the average American household income is $51k, she still isn't ok with the notion of me cutting down to working two days a week.

LOL! You are cracking me up! Good point.

Even if you think 4x/week is abnormal (and I suppose it is more than "normal"), it's not like there is a binary choice between 4x/week and once a month. Twice a week. Six times a month. All of these are good and viable options.

As to averages, somehow my wife is satisfied with average or below average sexual frequency but when I point out that the average American household income is $51k, she still isn't ok with the notion of me cutting down to working two days a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I love how the DCUM is populated by sex maniacs, but the national average of actual scientific studies shows something totally different.

3-4 times a week is a sex maniac?

What do they call those of us who prefer sex 7-12 times per week?

trolls and liars.

+1. Not to mention narcissists.

So, we should not judge those who are happy with infrequent sex, but those of us who are into it are trolls, liars and narcissists? That's a fail, ladies, a big, fat fail.

There's only one person on her whipped up into a frenzy here judging women as maniacs who enjoy frewuent sex. Nobodys judging the infrequent sex. This one frantic poster is all bent out of shape attempting desperately to convince herself that women really don't actuall have sex frequently and if they do they are sexual maniacs.

You are wrong, actually. More than one poster who is posting the fact that most Americans don't have sex 4 plus times a week. And the older you get, the less sex you tend to have. And if you aren't married, you have the least sex of all.


This is all statistical fact.

More than 80% of men are under 6' tall. That does not mean a man who's 7' tall is impossible. Do you understand the bell curve?

Anonymous wrote:Love The earlier poster who said "my husband made it clear...." do you do everything he says?

I'm not that poster, but good for her nad her DH! To set clear expectations before getting married.

DOZENS of people on this website having affairs due to incompatible sex drives. Better to know up front what someone expects than to gwt a suprise

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I love how the DCUM is populated by sex maniacs, but the national average of actual scientific studies shows something totally different.

3-4 times a week is a sex maniac?

What do they call those of us who prefer sex 7-12 times per week?

trolls and liars.

+1. Not to mention narcissists.

So, we should not judge those who are happy with infrequent sex, but those of us who are into it are trolls, liars and narcissists? That's a fail, ladies, a big, fat fail.

There's only one person on her whipped up into a frenzy here judging women as maniacs who enjoy frewuent sex. Nobodys judging the infrequent sex. This one frantic poster is all bent out of shape attempting desperately to convince herself that women really don't actuall have sex frequently and if they do they are sexual maniacs.

You are wrong, actually. More than one poster who is posting the fact that most Americans don't have sex 4 plus times a week. And the older you get, the less sex you tend to have. And if you aren't married, you have the least sex of all.


This is all statistical fact.

What does that have to do.with anything? Nobody has called the weekly sex posters liars, so your point is what exactly? There is indeed only one person judging people. This poster is statong that posters who enjoy frequent sex are teolls, liars, maniacs, and narcissists.

It is also a statistical fact that some married people still enjoy a frequent sex life. It is also a fact that many of them have chimed in. It is also a fact that a poster is very upset about it. It is theorized that said poster (s) has some unresolved issues about it and is projecting.