Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, only you can truthfully know whether -- perhaps -- you encouraged you daughter to apply to the very best private school to satisfy your own ego; that is, to prove to yourself and the world that you have raised a daughter who is intelligent and talented enough to succeed on her own merits in this world. I am assuming that this was not your motivation.

Why on earth would you assume that? Part of the reason I try very hard to raise my DDs right is to satisfy my own ego. It's part of the reason every parent puts in time and effort. We just don't like to admit it to ourselves. But it seems to me that perceiving reality for what it is yields better results than PC delusions.

I now assume that this entire thread has been a put on. The joke's on me and all of the other posters who have expressed genuine empathy, sympathy and concern, and offered well-thought out advice. Candid camera, you can step out from behind the curtain!

Anonymous wrote:Most of the people crying the loudest on this thread could not afford private if their life depended on it. So why so angry?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe posters are giving OP slack. Parents are supposed to protect their children from disappointment. Not put them in situations that are not only hugely disappointing but involve hours and hours of work. I'm sorry but this is one instance where I cannot give this parent an ounce of empathy. She screwed over her daughter in the most egregious way, and comes back all huffy at anyone who calls her one it. (Geez? Yes, geez.)

In a nutshell you have captured much of what is wrong with this country. A little disappointment builds character, makes you hungrier, work harder, helps you to learn to deal with adversity. I am sure OP regrets what happened but you people and your judgment really need to give it a rest.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok I get it, I am terrible! I already know that. Jeez!

She cried for a bit, was upset. She has stopped now and is talking to me. We are quite close. She knows I am always there for her. I typically give her everything she needs and wants. She knows this!

Yes, I owe her big time. I am sure there is something I can give her to compensate as a couple posters mentioned, she is 12 years old after all.

I haven't formally declined the offer yet. We can do it, just money will be tight for us. I haven't dismissed the idea completely.

OP, you need to figure out a way to send her. You said you have lots of equity and lots of stocks. You also said it would be tight but you could do it. So, you CAN do it, you are just risk adverse and are worried something will go wrong financially. Well, that is why you have stocks and savings. IF someone goes wrong, you can sell stock or dip into savings. You have years to rebuild any finanl losses. Your daughters doesn not hav years to wait to go to private school. Also, call the school and see if they can help you somehow. in other words, TRY!

Not only are you be trying your daughter by saying " oh never mind" you are also teaching her that it's okay to just give up on something important. She put all the time and energy into getting into this school, you now need to put time and energy into figuring out how to make it happen for her.

Anonymous wrote:Ok I get it, I am terrible! I already know that. Jeez!

She cried for a bit, was upset. She has stopped now and is talking to me. We are quite close. She knows I am always there for her. I typically give her everything she needs and wants. She knows this!

Yes, I owe her big time. I am sure there is something I can give her to compensate as a couple posters mentioned, she is 12 years old after all.

I haven't formally declined the offer yet. We can do it, just money will be tight for us. I haven't dismissed the idea completely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Were you expecting aid? I'm unclear why you applied?

We never applied for financial aid. I don't think we would have qualified (i.e. lot of equity, savings stocks etc)

Initially I was looking at other options outside of public school. We thought we could afford it. However, as we starting adding up all our expenses it seems we can do it but we will be very tight financially.

Sorry OP, why didn't you go through your finances before making your daughter go through all the motions to get accepted???? I don't get it. I'm sure you know a ball park figure of how much school was going to cost $12k or $30k.

Your daughter has a right to be upset, she worked hard and you set her up!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don't think it is that big of a deal. She know she is smart enough to get in but when it comes down to it, it is a big waste of money if your public is a good option. I actually think saying we decided not to afford it instead of we can't afford it is fine.

People must really pamper their kids to think this is such a big deal.

This thread reminds me of when gasp my friend's daughter had to drive a corolla (the nanny's old car) instead of their old BMW (that they told her was hers when she turned 16) because they were in an accident. The dad was willing to give her the old Family car but not go out an buy a BMW for her, she cried, oh well.

There is NO comparison to your, gasp, friend's daughter and OP's situation.

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe posters are giving OP slack. Parents are supposed to protect their children from disappointment. Not put them in situations that are not only hugely disappointing but involve hours and hours of work. I'm sorry but this is one instance where I cannot give this parent an ounce of empathy. She screwed over her daughter in the most egregious way, and comes back all huffy at anyone who calls her one it. (Geez? Yes, geez.)

Anonymous wrote:Wow, you guys are dramatic.

OP, yes, this is a disappointment for your daughter, but it also says a lot about you that even though you did make a mistake and put her on a bit of an emotional roller coaster unnecessarily, you recognize the importance of financial stability and THAT is more important for your family. You are teaching your daughter that yes, even parents make mistakes, what you should have done to avoid this, that you can apologize for it, and that it will be ok and it is important to be financially responsible. These are solid lessons to learn, and honestly, the public schools in this area are fantastic. It's so easy to get caught up in the craziness of the private school world in the DCUM land. But ultimately, kids do great in a variety of circumstances and adversity builds experience and character that ultimately leads to real success and self-reliance/self-esteem.

I do think you need to own this mistake, and explain how proud you are of her and where you went wrong, but really that this will be ok and she will be great no matter where she is. She would rather have a stable, happy family than any private school.

Fyi, I went to pretty mediocre public schools in Florida of all places (which I know gets knocked on these boards a lot). I went to a state university for free, got my PhD at a state school (a UC) for FREE, and work alongside my Ivy league colleagues for the same salary, though I have more cash because I don't have any loans to contend with.

Hang in there. She will get over it and not even look back eventually. Plus, middle school is hard anywhere you go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, only you can truthfully know whether -- perhaps -- you encouraged you daughter to apply to the very best private school to satisfy your own ego; that is, to prove to yourself and the world that you have raised a daughter who is intelligent and talented enough to succeed on her own merits in this world. I am assuming that this was not your motivation.

Why on earth would you assume that? Part of the reason I try very hard to raise my DDs right is to satisfy my own ego. It's part of the reason every parent puts in time and effort. We just don't like to admit it to ourselves. But it seems to me that perceiving reality for what it is yields better results than PC delusions.

I now assume that this entire thread has been a put on. The joke's on me and all of the other posters who have expressed genuine empathy, sympathy and concern, and offered well-thought out advice. Candid camera, you can step out from behind the curtain!