I have cousins who "are not that smart." Except guess what: They are. And it took them a looooooong time to get to their amazing, awesome adulthoods. They are not nor would they be comfortable in a high-pressure professional DC social environment that focuses on smarts and clever repartee. But they are fun-loving, nurturing, kind, caring, and completely responsible "real" people with whom I'd trust my life.

They started out in jobs like shoe sales at the mall.

They had kids young.

They went to community college to get medical tech degrees.

They thrived in those jobs. They learned amazing arts/manual skills like cake decorating; flower arranging; dry walling; plumbing.

They got married to responsible people.

They have homes with swimming pools.

They take care of the old and infirm great grandparents and are really good at it.

They handle the social gatherings and familiy reunions because they love to do it and they are GOOD at planning FUN. Bonfires, goofy games with popping balloons in embarrassing ways, giant roasts and bbqs.

Good people. Very, very good people.

I just found this 6-year-old stream, and I am wondering if the original poster could give an update on how her daughter is doing. I hope that her daughter is in stable health and wonder if she pursued a college degree or if she has found a satisfying job. I have a child with low-average IQ and learning disabilities. She is now 22 and about to be a junior at a college that has a significant number of students with LD and provides a great deal of academic support. My daughter has always been an organized and hard-working student and she has gained a great deal of confidence academically, but still struggles socially. She hopes to graduate in two years with a liberal arts bachelors degree. I think a lot about how to help her plan for a job after college. She is interested in performing arts management, but I worry that will be difficult to achieve. Dyslexia, slow processing speed, and dyscalculia make if hard for her to do a lot of jobs. I would be interested in hearing about others with similar backgrounds.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you and I are twins! My dd is a junior and we are looking at 'what next.' We are getting great guidance at her school. Id be happy to share what I've learned so far. Not sure how to contact you on an anonymous forum!

I'm a new poster who has been following this thread but I haven't chimed in yet. I, too, have a DD junior, with a couple learning disabilities that make IQ testing difficult. It's heart-breaking when she calls herself stupid. And she's not, she's just not book smart, can't remember a vocabulary word to save her life (or her SAT score), complains daily how she will never use Algebra 2 in her life (it's probably true), but knows she wants to go into a "helping" career, such as social work, which ironically means getting a master's degree. She's also possibly interested in teaching special ed.

So far, she's thinking about Salisbury, McDaniel and possibly Frostburg. I liked what I read about the LD program at Marshall University in West Virginia that someone on the thread mentioned, but it turns out to be the FAR west corner of the state, 400 miles away, and she wants to be closer to home. I'm not sure what schools will accept her, and community college is also a choice, but she really wants to have the full college experience and worries that will be too much like high school.

We are not getting much guidance from school. I checked with a few private counselors, but they are $3,500 and up, which isn't really in our budget.

We could continue this discussion via email if anyone with teens in a similar place wants to share an address.

OP, you and I are twins! My dd is a junior and we are looking at 'what next.' We are getting great guidance at her school. Id be happy to share what I've learned so far. Not sure how to contact you on an anonymous forum!

I work with some low-average people at a Fed agency in IT and accounting, both detailed fields. They struggle, but they muddle along. When planning my wedding, I met lots of disorganized, scatter brained event planners.

She doesn't have to be the top in her field at what she chooses, she just needs to be good enough. Is she personable and friendly? Do people like her? Is she attractive and does she present herself well? You may rely on your brains, but some very successful people are average intelligence but very good dealing with people.

She might have strengths you have overlooked.

You are awesome pp. thank you, thank you.

OP - I have scanned the exchange in this post between you and others, and I have been thinking about where you all are at.

- For yourself, I do think the suggestion to get some counseling for yourself and to perhaps have a sounding board about your thoughts and concerns on your daughter and her future is a good one. My closest friend also up in the DC area has a daughter in her 20s with a seemingly unending spectrum of illnesses who even though she is newly married still requires them to cover her health insurance and co-pays as she and her husband are in wage jobs and just could not do it. She is a lot like your posts echo - a very supportive and concerned Mom.

- Most importantly for your daughter, I think establishing stability in your daughter's overall health is the primary goal both short term and long term. It just seems that she needs to stay in the DC area where her team of specialists is, where she can learn to access health care services in the future and where her family is to also provide support.

- I think you really should be in praise of your daughter being able to handle the array of chronic health conditions that life has presented her including RA as well as she has. It is may well be that the array of medications and the length and breadth of the illness that she has dealt with has had an impact on her overall functioning. You have been a very wise parent in thinking outside the box and hooking her up to an on-line high school program. I would focus on the success that she has had in that pursuit and just note that besides a high school diploma, there is also the GED certificate which could be done.

- In terms of the social side of being with her peers and also exploring various settings which might be work related in the future, the idea of volunteering in places where other teens in her community do so in the school year or more likely in the summer is a suggestion for the next couple of years. Also, while she may not be in a regular high school, is there the chance to join in a church based youth group or other community group?
(Sorry we are not in the DC area for direct suggestions.)

- A community college would seem to be the ideal place
for further education for her, and I do believe that one age 16 or older who essentially is in a "home school" situation can take a class at such a site for credit or not.
Among the reasons a community college offers options for any student with a disability or chronic health condition I would note:

a- Ability to start whenever one wants and complete flexibility in the number of credits/classes taken. There is not the "lockstep" requirement of full-time.

b- Array of offerings in terms of non-credit and credit vocational or workforce skills programs.

c- Option to pursue an Associate Degree in a field or a transfer degree to a four year college. In doing a transfer degree option again possibility to start out slowly and/or to focus on the areas of weakness.

d- Option to simply take classes for one's own interest at an time which might be the best combination for some with a part-time job or volunteer job.

e- A setting with like-minded age peers in which to develop social relationships who are most likely to be in the area in which your daughter would reside in the future.

f- A setting in which one can truly "explore" different skills sets.

- One area that may be very important for you to become knowledgeable about will be health insurance coverage for your daughter in the future if you see that her health overall does not stabilize. The disability criteria for either SSI or SSDI is that one is not expected to be able to earn at least the Substantial Gainful Activity or SGA rate per month (gross) of currently $1,070 for at least one year.

a- There is no question she could stay on the family health insurance through age 26 and with COBRA really to age 29.

b- At age 18, it might make very good sense to establish her as " a family of one" for SSI with a disabling condition starting before age 18 less for the financial support than to have access to Medicaid Health Insurance. Note that Medicaid can simply be viewed as a secondary insurance to a family's to cover things not covered in full. The hard thing is that her assets would always need to be limited.(And to qualify for Medicaid there is a 60-month "look-back" period on any asset transfer out of her name.)

c- BUT it is also important to see how Supplemental Security Disability Insurance or SSDI might come into play for her. I do believe she has to work at least part-time to gain the quarters to have coverage on her own work record. Again, while the cash benefit would be very low, the key is that 24 months on SSDI and she would automatically qualify for Medicare. **In her case at some point would it make sense for her to have both levels of coverage - Medicare as well as Medicaid.

- It is very complex in trying to figure out how to help a young adult with a challenging disability or health condition to become as independent an adult as possible. If there was a known pathway in young adult transitions, it would be great, but unfortunately there is not. But keys to finding a pathway are definitely an understanding of:

a- Education level attainable
b- Workforce training
c- Disability benefits and working
d- Health care coverage related to benefits and assets
e- Transportation
f- Residential options
e- Social and recreational options

As you may guess we are pursuing a different and yet similar pathway for our young adult daughter.

Anonymous wrote:Hi, OP, I'm the person who posted about Lesley's Threshold program. I'm sorry your homebound program is not working for you. I have done a lot of academic research in this subject and have spent a lot of time trying to make these programs really work for families.

Take a look at the Lesley link. If you think that kind of program would be something you are interested in knowing more about, post here and I will do some more research for you and post more links if that would be helpful.

I still recommend an advocate or a guidance counselor, but, well, it takes a village and if a few hours of time could help you out, I'm happy to do it. I just don't want to offer you advice you don't need....

Thank you! The Lesley program looks interesting, and my family is in Boston. It's a possibility. I'm going to look into it. Im going to read more tomorrow, thanks!

Hi, OP, I'm the person who posted about Lesley's Threshold program. I'm sorry your homebound program is not working for you. I have done a lot of academic research in this subject and have spent a lot of time trying to make these programs really work for families.

Take a look at the Lesley link. If you think that kind of program would be something you are interested in knowing more about, post here and I will do some more research for you and post more links if that would be helpful.

I still recommend an advocate or a guidance counselor, but, well, it takes a village and if a few hours of time could help you out, I'm happy to do it. I just don't want to offer you advice you don't need....

Anonymous wrote:OP, a few pages back you thanked a teacher for posting, saying you didn't have access to teachers. Then, you posted that you came from a family of educators. Which is it? That's a pretty important question as you need to identify resources in your life who know your daughter and can recommend some paths to consider.

Secondly, children who have long term or frequent hospital stays have access to special hospital teachers/tutors, through the patient advocate or social work offices of the hospital.

In DC, this program is called Home/Hospital Instruction program (HIP). This is also the name of the program in MoCo.

As for long term concerns, a good independent guidance counselor, or a special education advocate, or a college counselor can be of help to you. There are many programs out there for young people with your daughter's challenges. Some focus on particular job and life skills training, others on a college curriculum.

The Threshold Program at Lesley is one of the most famous.

http://www.lesley.edu/threshold/

There are resources out there, OP. It just sounds like you need to research and access them. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Thank you.

What I meant was I had little access to area teachers. My family is out of state.
The tutor program here is called homebound. I won't get into details but it is wrought with issues, including lack of teachers available and lack of teachers who know high school level courses. And as the school told me, it's not designed for kids who have long term illnesses--it's meant for shorter, non permanent illnesses.

Thank you...

OP, a few pages back you thanked a teacher for posting, saying you didn't have access to teachers. Then, you posted that you came from a family of educators. Which is it? That's a pretty important question as you need to identify resources in your life who know your daughter and can recommend some paths to consider.

Secondly, children who have long term or frequent hospital stays have access to special hospital teachers/tutors, through the patient advocate or social work offices of the hospital.

In DC, this program is called Home/Hospital Instruction program (HIP). This is also the name of the program in MoCo.

As for long term concerns, a good independent guidance counselor, or a special education advocate, or a college counselor can be of help to you. There are many programs out there for young people with your daughter's challenges. Some focus on particular job and life skills training, others on a college curriculum.

The Threshold Program at Lesley is one of the most famous.

http://www.lesley.edu/threshold/

There are resources out there, OP. It just sounds like you need to research and access them. Good luck to you and your daughter.

Anonymous wrote:I for one would like to thank OP for posting about her concerns. She has sparked a great deal of healthy debate here, as well as probably echoing the fears that some SN parents may also have but are too afraid or embarrassed to ask/discuss.

A lot of helpful ideas were given out on these past NINE pages, so for that - I thank you OP.

It was quite an unexpected controversial question! Thx

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is a blessing and you have every right to be concern. The reality is God created us all with a purpose. If you don't know Christ, i highly recommend that you find him, and introduce all your children to him. Ask God to show you your daughter's purpose; to make it crystal clear; confirm and, if necessary, reaffirm her her talents; and enable you to cultivate these talents and help her develop new skills. As a mother, my prayer would would be that she is a respectful, respected, self-sufficient, productive and happy individual. Don't underestimate her--she just may be the one who is going to be there in your greatest time of need. As well as the child that brings you the greatest joy. Matt. 19:30: “But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

Thank you.

Your daughter is a blessing and you have every right to be concern. The reality is God created us all with a purpose. If you don't know Christ, i highly recommend that you find him, and introduce all your children to him. Ask God to show you your daughter's purpose; to make it crystal clear; confirm and, if necessary, reaffirm her her talents; and enable you to cultivate these talents and help her develop new skills. As a mother, my prayer would would be that she is a respectful, respected, self-sufficient, productive and happy individual. Don't underestimate her--she just may be the one who is going to be there in your greatest time of need. As well as the child that brings you the greatest joy. Matt. 19:30: “But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

I for one would like to thank OP for posting about her concerns. She has sparked a great deal of healthy debate here, as well as probably echoing the fears that some SN parents may also have but are too afraid or embarrassed to ask/discuss.

A lot of helpful ideas were given out on these past NINE pages, so for that - I thank you OP.