Anonymous
02/07/2014 21:31
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.
it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.
Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.
Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.
I find that sad. Do you not?
What would he do, if god forbid, you died?
Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.
I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.
Where do you all find these Neanderthals?
My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.
Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.
Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.
Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.
I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.
Ok.
For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.
So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.
Carry on with your smug self.
Signed,
Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.
So sad and pathetic when women wrap up their self worth in what their husbands do for a living. Awful. Sorry for you.
Signed,
Woman with her own career who doesn't define herself by what her husband can do.
Ugh, your banter is more exhausting than my 2 yr old's temper tantrums.
How do YOU define yourself? By your job? So on your death bed your definition or yourself, your pride and last memories will be how you had a great job? You want be remembered as employee of xyz company, not daughter of, wife of, mother of?
You never asked how I define myself, you superimpose your beliefs and preconceived notions of what a SAHM is and project that definition onto me.
Even my husband defines himself as husband and father, before doctor. That is his career and he loves it, but it is only one part of his definition of himself.
I willingly, with eyes wide open gave up my career because it was the best decision for MY family. You like to convince yourself that this automatically ties my self worth to my husband's career. Why? What insecurities are you suppressing?
I feel sorry for you. Your career is the sole savior of your self worth.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 21:31
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.
it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.
Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.
Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.
I find that sad. Do you not?
What would he do, if god forbid, you died?
Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.
I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.
Where do you all find these Neanderthals?
My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.
Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.
Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.
Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.
I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.
Ok.
For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.
So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.
Carry on with your smug self.
Signed,
Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.
So sad and pathetic when women wrap up their self worth in what their husbands do for a living. Awful. Sorry for you.
Signed,
Woman with her own career who doesn't define herself by what her husband can do.
Can your husband braid hair and make a mushroom sauce? Because that is how I hope to define myself.
Actually yes, he can braid my daughter's hair and is quite proud of it. I despise mushrooms, as does he, but he makes a spaghetti sauce from scratch that is awesome. But I still define myself by .... myself. Not what my husband can and cannot do.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 20:50
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.
it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.
Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.
Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.
I find that sad. Do you not?
What would he do, if god forbid, you died?
Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.
I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.
Where do you all find these Neanderthals?
My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.
Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.
Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.
Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.
I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.
Ok.
For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.
So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.
Carry on with your smug self.
Signed,
Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.
So sad and pathetic when women wrap up their self worth in what their husbands do for a living. Awful. Sorry for you.
Signed,
Woman with her own career who doesn't define herself by what her husband can do.
Can your husband braid hair and make a mushroom sauce? Because that is how I hope to define myself.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 20:42
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.
it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.
Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.
Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.
I find that sad. Do you not?
What would he do, if god forbid, you died?
Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.
I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.
Where do you all find these Neanderthals?
My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.
Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.
Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.
Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.
I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.
Ok.
For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.
So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.
Carry on with your smug self.
Signed,
Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.
So sad and pathetic when women wrap up their self worth in what their husbands do for a living. Awful. Sorry for you.
Signed,
Woman with her own career who doesn't define herself by what her husband can do.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 18:32
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:SAHM's with husband who have high incomes so it isn't worth it for you to work, how much money are you talking about?
1M
Anonymous
02/07/2014 18:26
Subject: Re:Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
This stupidity needs to stop.
If the family needs the income - then both should work. If the family need a SAH parent - then one should stay at home.
Every family is different, every individual is different.
I find it distasteful when the question becomes "what if DH leaves you for another woman?" Well, what if DW leaves the DH for OM? In either case the family is **** - isn't it? (Oops, forgot that JSteele wants sanitized language here)
Wife or Husband - it is important to have financial security (Insurance, Savings, Retirement, College etc) for the worst case scenario. If your spouse is a cheating scum or your wedding vows of "till death do us apart" is not true - then it is another story and complexity to your work situation. In that case all I can say is that you have my sympathies. But please do not paint everyone with the same brush.
Not everyone is in the situation that we have to worry about our spouses leaving us or belittling our contribution at home, and for that reason we have to work.
If the family needs the income - then both should work. If the family need a SAH parent - then one should stay at home.
Every family is different, every individual is different.
I find it distasteful when the question becomes "what if DH leaves you for another woman?" Well, what if DW leaves the DH for OM? In either case the family is **** - isn't it? (Oops, forgot that JSteele wants sanitized language here)
Wife or Husband - it is important to have financial security (Insurance, Savings, Retirement, College etc) for the worst case scenario. If your spouse is a cheating scum or your wedding vows of "till death do us apart" is not true - then it is another story and complexity to your work situation. In that case all I can say is that you have my sympathies. But please do not paint everyone with the same brush.
Not everyone is in the situation that we have to worry about our spouses leaving us or belittling our contribution at home, and for that reason we have to work.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 18:24
Subject: Re:Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
This stupidity needs to stop.
If the family needs the income - then both should work. If the family need a SAH parent - then one should stay at home.
Every family is different, every individual is different.
I find it distasteful when the question becomes "what if DH leaves you for another woman?" Well, what if DW leaves the DH for OM? In either case the family is fucked - isn't it?
Wife or Husband - it is important to have financial security (Insurance, Savings, Retirement, College etc) for the worst case scenario. If your spouse is a cheating scum or your wedding vows of "till death do us apart" is not true - then it is another story and complexity to your work situation. In that case all I can say is that you have my sympathies. But please do not paint everyone with the same brush.
Not everyone is in the situation that we have to worry about our spouses leaving us or belittling our contribution at home, and for that reason we have to work.
If the family needs the income - then both should work. If the family need a SAH parent - then one should stay at home.
Every family is different, every individual is different.
I find it distasteful when the question becomes "what if DH leaves you for another woman?" Well, what if DW leaves the DH for OM? In either case the family is fucked - isn't it?
Wife or Husband - it is important to have financial security (Insurance, Savings, Retirement, College etc) for the worst case scenario. If your spouse is a cheating scum or your wedding vows of "till death do us apart" is not true - then it is another story and complexity to your work situation. In that case all I can say is that you have my sympathies. But please do not paint everyone with the same brush.
Not everyone is in the situation that we have to worry about our spouses leaving us or belittling our contribution at home, and for that reason we have to work.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 17:40
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
MY SAH wife doesn't get a paycheck. But I do give her an annual performance review.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 17:39
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM now - but I was unemployed for awhile so I was one by default for awhile. Not being able to bring in money scared the crap out of me. My husband lost his job too. I don't ever want one of us to be without a job again. As much as I understand the point about running the household, making life easier, everyone's happier etc...
what happens if you husband drops dead? or has an affair and decides to divorce you? What then? What if you become miserable and feel trapped because he makes all the money and you don't? Not working for years and years will ruin your chances at employment and then you'll be sitting at some doctors office as a receptionist making $10 per hour.
I wonder why this question is directed at the husbands - I think it should be directed at the wives. It just seems like too big of a gamble to stop working. I keep seeing post after post of all these women "stuck" in marriages because they rely on the man for money. Its really depressing to me. It sounds like most of them never thought it would happen to them..yet its a recurring theme over and over again.
I suppose if you've never experienced job loss, or had major financial issues, or thought never crossed your mind that your husband could one day leave you - then I guess you wouldn't think about it.
But seriously - once the kids are grown and in school for most of the day - what then? By then you've been out of work for how many years? I just think women get screwed in this scenario. Its all about "making the man happy and successful"...but what about you? What do you get?
Raising kids is a hard job, but you don't get paid for it, so how are you insuring your future if your husband bails on you or drops dead?
Better yet - what happens when the kids are grown and your husband gets resentful that all you do is spend money and have lunch and play tennis with friends all day. I mean, he set you up for that life, and now he wants to take it away...? I've seen that happen too.
Husband is bored with his wife of 10-15 years because she does nothing interesting, and talks about nothing except for the latest gossip in the neighborhood. So - he trades her in for a newer, younger, prettier version. Meanwhile, first wife gets to move into some crappy little condo with her three children and get a job at Starbucks. Sounds like a great plan.
MY GOD! You are so right to go back to work. Kudos for anticipating your future...you are set!
Hey , a question for all the women in this forum ...
Do you think your husband will leave you, cheat on you, get bored?
AND - if your answer is "YES"...tell me why did you end up with him in the first place.
+1
Do the WOHM feel like if your husband left you, your life and your children's lives would not be uprooted and undertake a difficult change just because you have job? It would be hard either way, for a SAHM and for a WOHM. You may have your finances figured out right away, whereas the Sahm might take a little longer to get back on her feet. There's that. So she should fret her way throughout her entire marriage for the possibility of "just in case he leaves me".
My mom worked full time as did my dad. When he died our entire lives changed, she went from one job to 2, we went from a house to an apartment and sibling and I to a new school. Shit happens, life can suck, but you tough it out and you make a new life. It's not any easier losing your husband or losing your dad because you work outside the home.
This argument of "what if he leaves you" is overused.
That's foolish, pp. Im the pp that was a SAHM that recently returned to work. No SAHM (esp long-term) would be able to wake up and get a 200k job with excellent benefits. Yes, death, illness, disability or if my DH were tp leave me would be horrendous. It would require major life changes -- but, yes, I believe by having a great career of my own that I would be in mich stronger footing to get my sh*t together in any of these events.
No, you cannot live in fear of these events happening. That's not a good or sane way to live
But I do rest easier knowing I am my own woman.
I loved*loved*loved my 5 years at home. It was wonderful. Truly. But I also love having a professional identity. I do work that positively affects many, many people - not just my kids/DH and I derive a lot of personal satisfaction from that.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 17:38
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.
it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.
Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.
Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.
I find that sad. Do you not?
What would he do, if god forbid, you died?
Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.
I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.
Where do you all find these Neanderthals?
My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.
Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.
Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.
Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.
I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.
Ok.
For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.
So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.
Carry on with your smug self.
Signed,
Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.
I highly doubt your husband would stop much of anything for his kids. I'm not worried.
I wouldn't be surprised if your husband plays up the doting father, selfless husband facade to cover up his steamy affair. But your ready for it since you have a job. And then I guess you'll have to make your own dinner and braid your own daughter's hair.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 17:35
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
This argument of "what if he leaves you" is overused.
This is probably true, but I don't think many SAHMs understand the significance of what happens IF their spouse leaves. Am going through divorce right now. Was stay at home mom for 13 years (married 25). The current legal system in Maryland gives me almost no credit for those years. Alimony is only for a couple of years. The current system sucks for any stay at home parent. I wish I had more knowledge of this as I made the choice to stay at home. Knowledge is key.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 17:28
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM now - but I was unemployed for awhile so I was one by default for awhile. Not being able to bring in money scared the crap out of me. My husband lost his job too. I don't ever want one of us to be without a job again. As much as I understand the point about running the household, making life easier, everyone's happier etc...
what happens if you husband drops dead? or has an affair and decides to divorce you? What then? What if you become miserable and feel trapped because he makes all the money and you don't? Not working for years and years will ruin your chances at employment and then you'll be sitting at some doctors office as a receptionist making $10 per hour.
I wonder why this question is directed at the husbands - I think it should be directed at the wives. It just seems like too big of a gamble to stop working. I keep seeing post after post of all these women "stuck" in marriages because they rely on the man for money. Its really depressing to me. It sounds like most of them never thought it would happen to them..yet its a recurring theme over and over again.
I suppose if you've never experienced job loss, or had major financial issues, or thought never crossed your mind that your husband could one day leave you - then I guess you wouldn't think about it.
But seriously - once the kids are grown and in school for most of the day - what then? By then you've been out of work for how many years? I just think women get screwed in this scenario. Its all about "making the man happy and successful"...but what about you? What do you get?
Raising kids is a hard job, but you don't get paid for it, so how are you insuring your future if your husband bails on you or drops dead?
Better yet - what happens when the kids are grown and your husband gets resentful that all you do is spend money and have lunch and play tennis with friends all day. I mean, he set you up for that life, and now he wants to take it away...? I've seen that happen too.
Husband is bored with his wife of 10-15 years because she does nothing interesting, and talks about nothing except for the latest gossip in the neighborhood. So - he trades her in for a newer, younger, prettier version. Meanwhile, first wife gets to move into some crappy little condo with her three children and get a job at Starbucks. Sounds like a great plan.
MY GOD! You are so right to go back to work. Kudos for anticipating your future...you are set!
Hey , a question for all the women in this forum ...
Do you think your husband will leave you, cheat on you, get bored?
AND - if your answer is "YES"...tell me why did you end up with him in the first place.
+1
Do the WOHM feel like if your husband left you, your life and your children's lives would not be uprooted and undertake a difficult change just because you have job? It would be hard either way, for a SAHM and for a WOHM. You may have your finances figured out right away, whereas the Sahm might take a little longer to get back on her feet. There's that. So she should fret her way throughout her entire marriage for the possibility of "just in case he leaves me".
My mom worked full time as did my dad. When he died our entire lives changed, she went from one job to 2, we went from a house to an apartment and sibling and I to a new school. Shit happens, life can suck, but you tough it out and you make a new life. It's not any easier losing your husband or losing your dad because you work outside the home.
This argument of "what if he leaves you" is overused.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 16:49
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:I am not a SAHM now - but I was unemployed for awhile so I was one by default for awhile. Not being able to bring in money scared the crap out of me. My husband lost his job too. I don't ever want one of us to be without a job again. As much as I understand the point about running the household, making life easier, everyone's happier etc...
what happens if you husband drops dead? or has an affair and decides to divorce you? What then? What if you become miserable and feel trapped because he makes all the money and you don't? Not working for years and years will ruin your chances at employment and then you'll be sitting at some doctors office as a receptionist making $10 per hour.
I wonder why this question is directed at the husbands - I think it should be directed at the wives. It just seems like too big of a gamble to stop working. I keep seeing post after post of all these women "stuck" in marriages because they rely on the man for money. Its really depressing to me. It sounds like most of them never thought it would happen to them..yet its a recurring theme over and over again.
I suppose if you've never experienced job loss, or had major financial issues, or thought never crossed your mind that your husband could one day leave you - then I guess you wouldn't think about it.
But seriously - once the kids are grown and in school for most of the day - what then? By then you've been out of work for how many years? I just think women get screwed in this scenario. Its all about "making the man happy and successful"...but what about you? What do you get?
Raising kids is a hard job, but you don't get paid for it, so how are you insuring your future if your husband bails on you or drops dead?
Better yet - what happens when the kids are grown and your husband gets resentful that all you do is spend money and have lunch and play tennis with friends all day. I mean, he set you up for that life, and now he wants to take it away...? I've seen that happen too.
Husband is bored with his wife of 10-15 years because she does nothing interesting, and talks about nothing except for the latest gossip in the neighborhood. So - he trades her in for a newer, younger, prettier version. Meanwhile, first wife gets to move into some crappy little condo with her three children and get a job at Starbucks. Sounds like a great plan.
SAHM here. Some of this does concern me. We've covered the death/accident/illness thing (his and mine) with fat insurance policies. If he were to leave me, I'd be temporarily screwed. I say temporarily because my parents would help me (probably his, too) in the beginning. I know our lifestyle would change dramatically and it would be a rough road.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 16:44
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
She works part time - we both felt it was important an adult be at home when the kids get home from school. I'm happy with how much she works and how much she is there for the kids and to keep the house running.
Sometimes I will make a list of all the things that I'd like her to do and figure it'll take all week, but she cranks it all out in a day or two. I have teased her that she's an energizer bunny.
Sometimes I will make a list of all the things that I'd like her to do and figure it'll take all week, but she cranks it all out in a day or two. I have teased her that she's an energizer bunny.
Anonymous
02/07/2014 16:41
Subject: Husbands: do you secretly wish your SAH wives bought in a paycheck?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I bet the answer would depend on how old the kids are. I assume there are probably lots of men who might wonder what their wives do all day, once the kids are in school full-time. I know my guy friends have wondered this aloud to me. But when the kids are really young, it's cool for the wives to be home with them.
it would probably also depend on the salary that's not being earned. a $30K earner isn't going to have much impact on the family if the husband makes a lot, but a $100K salary could make a big difference.
Nope. Not in this house. I didn't stay at home until the older kids went to school. One of my school-aged sons threw up this morning. You can bet that my husband, away on business, doesn't want to deal with that. It seems like there is always a snow day/ doctor's appt/ after school sports/illness, especially when you have three kids.
Agree. I am a SAHM of 4 school age kids. While I am sure my husband would love the extra income, he literally wouldn't know how to handle things like snow days, needing to pick up the kids early if they got sick, etc. He has always had me around to take care of that.
I find that sad. Do you not?
What would he do, if god forbid, you died?
Quickly remarry, and hope that step-mom will do it all.
I am not the pp, but my husband and I have discussed this. He concluded that he would have to get a live-in nanny and have the grandparents rotate visits a lot. Certainly wouldn't be an ideal situation and everyone's lives would change a lot.
Where do you all find these Neanderthals?
My God, DCUM is so good for my DHs sex life. When I see stuff like this, it makes me want to fuck the hell out of my DH, we both WFH, so I suppose I can fit one in in the next hour before the kids get home. It serves as a good reminder that I picked a KICK ASS husband and father for our children.
Not only was dude's W2 this year sitting at 467K, but he also knows how to braid hair and whip up a delicious porcini mushroom sauce.
Somehow I doubt you want my husband to leave you open on his operating table so that he can go whip up some porcini sauce. But okay.
Yes, yes, yes...your husband is so important. we heard you already.
I have a newsflash for you. Most women do not marry old crusty surgeons. I for one would not. I love that my DH can make a half million dollars a year in 40hour a week with a bachelors from a state school.
Ok.
For the record, I originally posted about being married to the doc but did not post the replies above. Looks like there is at least more than one wife of a doc. You referring to them as "crusty and old"- kudos, so intelligent.
So do most women marry men with a Bachelors degrees that make 500K? Well that is a newsflash to me.
Carry on with your smug self.
Signed,
Wife of hot, 40 yr old Top Doctor that just might save your life or your loved ones life one day... or might leave you on the table to go braid hair.
That's a first!