Nor it is a weapon or a reward...

I feel if DWs are not willing to seriously look at how and whether they are meeting the emotional and sexual needs of their husbands and vice versa, they really have no cause for complaint if the denied spouse is stepping out on the side. You've really left them with no other choice to have those needs met.

Sex is not an entitlement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than sex.

Yeah! Marriage is about partnership and taking care of each others needs. A man's need for sex is not only a physical need but also an emotional need. I am amazed that people are disparaging that need and encouraging women to renege on taking care of their partners. I feel sad for men who are married to such unloving women.

DW here btw

Oh, please. Has it occurred to you that there could be very good reasons why some men aren't getting as much sex as they want? Maybe he does a really shitty job of meeting her needs outside the bedroom.

Right. Because sex is something you barter for. He does the dishes. She gives him a handjob. He brings home enough to pay the mortgage for another month, he gets starfish, missionary sex. He arranges a vacation, maybe the lingerie comes out for a night.

I think spouses should meet each other's needs; but this trade for sex mentality where the woman is the gatekeeper and the man has to jump through nonsexual hoops to be eligible just fucks up a couples' sex life. And I think some of it stems from the message women get from the culture at large that they can/should use their sexuality to get favorable treatment. (The free drinks at a bar being a trivial but common example.)

Sorry, if my husband can't manage to treat me well on a day to day basis, he's not getting sucked off. It's a matter of basic self-respect. You really can't see that?

Np. On the other hand, he might be nicer to you if you were nicer to him? There's more than one way to look at a situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than sex.

Yeah! Marriage is about partnership and taking care of each others needs. A man's need for sex is not only a physical need but also an emotional need. I am amazed that people are disparaging that need and encouraging women to renege on taking care of their partners. I feel sad for men who are married to such unloving women.

DW here btw

Oh, please. Has it occurred to you that there could be very good reasons why some men aren't getting as much sex as they want? Maybe he does a really shitty job of meeting her needs outside the bedroom.

Right. Because sex is something you barter for. He does the dishes. She gives him a handjob. He brings home enough to pay the mortgage for another month, he gets starfish, missionary sex. He arranges a vacation, maybe the lingerie comes out for a night.

I think spouses should meet each other's needs; but this trade for sex mentality where the woman is the gatekeeper and the man has to jump through nonsexual hoops to be eligible just fucks up a couples' sex life. And I think some of it stems from the message women get from the culture at large that they can/should use their sexuality to get favorable treatment. (The free drinks at a bar being a trivial but common example.)

Sorry, if my husband can't manage to treat me well on a day to day basis, he's not getting sucked off. It's a matter of basic self-respect. You really can't see that?

Anonymous wrote:
There is more to marriage than sex.


Yeah! Marriage is about partnership and taking care of each others needs. A man's need for sex is not only a physical need but also an emotional need. I am amazed that people are disparaging that need and encouraging women to renege on taking care of their partners. I feel sad for men who are married to such unloving women.

DW here btw


Oh, please. Has it occurred to you that there could be very good reasons why some men aren't getting as much sex as they want? Maybe he does a really shitty job of meeting her needs outside the bedroom.

B/c she does a shitty job of meeting him in the bedroom.

You know, since my DW didn't want sex, I could never figure out why she was so pissed when I found myself a FWB. Seems to me if she didn't want me out there, she should be taking care of my needs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than sex.

Yeah! Marriage is about partnership and taking care of each others needs. A man's need for sex is not only a physical need but also an emotional need. I am amazed that people are disparaging that need and encouraging women to renege on taking care of their partners. I feel sad for men who are married to such unloving women.

DW here btw

Oh, please. Has it occurred to you that there could be very good reasons why some men aren't getting as much sex as they want? Maybe he does a really shitty job of meeting her needs outside the bedroom.

Right. Because sex is something you barter for. He does the dishes. She gives him a handjob. He brings home enough to pay the mortgage for another month, he gets starfish, missionary sex. He arranges a vacation, maybe the lingerie comes out for a night.

I think spouses should meet each other's needs; but this trade for sex mentality where the woman is the gatekeeper and the man has to jump through nonsexual hoops to be eligible just fucks up a couples' sex life. And I think some of it stems from the message women get from the culture at large that they can/should use their sexuality to get favorable treatment. (The free drinks at a bar being a trivial but common example.)

PP - Exactly. It's about compromise and both meeting each others needs in and outside the bedroom. And basic respectful communication.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than sex.

Yeah! Marriage is about partnership and taking care of each others needs. A man's need for sex is not only a physical need but also an emotional need. I am amazed that people are disparaging that need and encouraging women to renege on taking care of their partners. I feel sad for men who are married to such unloving women.

DW here btw

Oh, please. Has it occurred to you that there could be very good reasons why some men aren't getting as much sex as they want? Maybe he does a really shitty job of meeting her needs outside the bedroom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New poster here.
I used to throw the bone a couple times a week, but it isn't helping anymore. H is not a fool and can well see that I am just putting out.
The problem is, he is very simple- if you fuck his brain out he will let you get away with anything and be very nice and accommodating. When he doesn't feel loved (and for him being loved is being fucked plus laying in bed with him for hours naked) he becomes a nasty and controlling sob.

I am seriously thinking of getting some female viagra - anyone knows if it exists? Honestly I don't want to talk to him, try to solve our issues, etc- I want him to leave me alone to do my own thing, run the household the way I see fit. However I am in therapy now. But maybe Viagra is cheaper?

It's called red wine.

I don't get it or you are talking about alcohol? Wine makes me sleepy...

Try pot then.

Makes me laugh. Not good for health. I need viagra.

Well, up until about six years ago my DW's sex life and mine were pretty good. We were two healthy, young adults going at whenever and whereever we could. I then had to deploy overseas, during which time DW's mother died. When we got back together after my deployment, DW was not gung ho for sex. She said she needed to time to recover and grieve for her mother. So, I gave her space and time. When we did start to have sex again, she was no longer interested in my bringing her to orgasm. She preferred basically, a "wham bam thank you m'am" sort of approach. For most men, this might be OK. However, I lost interest in sex with her altogether, because it appeared to me to be "pity sex" or "sex for sex's sake" rather than as a way to emotionally bond with me, her DH. I need to be seduced. If I just want to get off, I can, as one PP put it, handle it myself.

Then I discovered that DW was having an affair, plus that she was so stupid to have that affair and to have unprotected sex with her lover or FWB or whatever. Then she would come home and want to f**k me. Well, we have been working through our issues - but after 2 years I still cannot bear to have sex with my DW. Every time she attempts to initiate, I just want to be someplace else. Frankly, I don't think her attempts at sex are because she sees it as an expression of her love for me, but because she feels she can manipulate into something I don't want if she uses sex as her weapon.

So, here we both are - miserable as hell (at least I am) - and I put so much emphasis on my part on sexual fidelity that despite the fact I am surrounded on a day-to-day basis with any number of attractive, bright women whom I would love to bone in an instant, I can never bring myself to do that. It is not because I would hurt my DW, but because I perhaps have too much respect for myself and the institution of marriage and the vows I made.

However, if we cannot solve our problems within the next year, I am filing for divorce. At 47, my life is too short to keep trying to satisfy the undending emotional neediness of my DW's damaged soul.

Anonymous wrote:There is more to marriage than sex.

Yeah! Marriage is about partnership and taking care of each others needs. A man's need for sex is not only a physical need but also an emotional need. I am amazed that people are disparaging that need and encouraging women to renege on taking care of their partners. I feel sad for men who are married to such unloving women.

DW here btw

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call me a prostitute all you want but I have my name on everything we own. I'm getting mine. WITHOUT sucking dick.

So you knelt at the alter of his penis, but didn't suck.

Got it.

LOL!

Altar, people altar. Sigh.

Thread kill! You need to get laid, for real.

"throw a bone to your dh". like throw a bone to a dog.

Well, I am that dog, hungry and angry. But I am also a picky dog, desperate but not vulnerable.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call me a prostitute all you want but I have my name on everything we own. I'm getting mine. WITHOUT sucking dick.

So you knelt at the alter of his penis, but didn't suck.

Got it.

LOL!

Altar, people altar. Sigh.