Anonymous wrote:I think there are a lot of parents here with boundary issues. How unfortunate for the young people.

I guess you are referring to those of us who think an older teen having sex in a committed relationship is fine and healthy.

So, parents of the "not in my house variety," what do you do when teen and significant other goes into teen's room and closes the door? Do you say they have to keep it open, to a 17 year-old? One foot on the floor? Seriously? Because when you have rules like "not in my house" you are much more into their business, spying, intruding, than if you just leave it up to them as long as they are discrete and safe.

I'm trying to figure out the benefit of forcing kids to have sex in parking garages. I'm just not seeing it.

I think there are a lot of parents here with boundary issues. How unfortunate for the young people.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are not older teens, true. But I do have a problem with parents taking on the responsibility of providing bc and places (within the home) for their kids to have sex. I guess that the parents feel like if they don't do those things for their child, their child wouldn't be able to handle sex responsibly - they might very careless, get into trouble, etc. To me, such precautions and over involvement by the parents is a very real indication that the child is simply not ready to having sex. Period.

+ 1

Sex is an adult activity. Parents should not be involved AT ALL in their children's sex lives in any way shape or form.

But if the parents are saying "not in my house" or "not until you are 21", aren't they involved?

My own parents were of the "not in my house" variety. I don't recall them ever spelling it out quite like that, but they didn't have to say it, because we knew, lol.

+1

Anonymous wrote:No one said that you had to lay out condoms and lubes for your kids but if you let them have sex in the house they are less likely to have sex in parking garages.

They can have it in a parking garage, then. It will teach that, in order to have sex regularly and comfortably, they need to be adults in other areas of their lives as well.

By kinder I assume she meant "less driven solely by hormones" and having a little wisdom added to the mix. I wouldn't advise finding someone older but I definitely advise finding someone kind.

My daughter (20) stood up to a guy who expected sex after a few months relationship; he wised up pretty fast after that. He is turning out to be kind after all.

Anonymous wrote:I was NOT allowed to have sex in my bedroom. And I was certainly not allowed to have sex with my much older boyfriend in HS. But I did.

And I still made him get tested for HIV. And I still used two forms of bc. And never had an unwanted pregnancy.

I don't think having your parents condone sex in your bedroom makes responsible sexual behavior more likely. The only thing irresponsible I did was have sex with an older boyfriend as opposed to a teen my own age.

funny, why is it more irresponsible to have an older boyfriend? (beyond the fact that if he's over 18 and you're under, he could get arrested?)
I remember my mom telling me when I was a teen that I should find an older boyfriend because he'd be kinder than a teen. I found the idea creepy and rejected it.

No one said that you had to lay out condoms and lubes for your kids but if you let them have sex in the house they are less likely to have sex in parking garages.

I was NOT allowed to have sex in my bedroom. And I was certainly not allowed to have sex with my much older boyfriend in HS. But I did.

And I still made him get tested for HIV. And I still used two forms of bc. And never had an unwanted pregnancy.

I don't think having your parents condone sex in your bedroom makes responsible sexual behavior more likely. The only thing irresponsible I did was have sex with an older boyfriend as opposed to a teen my own age.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, considering that there will be no sex before marriage, I think this article is sort of moot.

Unless you're the one having (or not having) the sex before marriage, you can't actually say that. What you can say is, "Considering that I will not condone sex before marriage..."

Oh, bullshit. My kids know there's no sex before marriage.

My parents had this attitude! And... I didn't have sex before marriage. But I was an absurd goody-goody, I didn't even drink in college, I'd be lucky if I had teenagers like me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I gave my DD condoms for her 16th bday. There were 20 in her drawer (thats where she put em).... as of now there are 6. I'm gonna assume she's not making balloon animals with them.

And that's all I need to know.

Just a thought - she may be giving them to friends. I had no need for condoms in high school but was not embarrassed to go purchase them. I was the supplier for girls (and some boys) who were.

Like I said, I know all I need to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, considering that there will be no sex before marriage, I think this article is sort of moot.

Unless you're the one having (or not having) the sex before marriage, you can't actually say that. What you can say is, "Considering that I will not condone sex before marriage..."

Oh, bullshit. My kids know there's no sex before marriage.

then prepare to be planning a wedding when your kid is 18 or less. I know 3 families with this philosophy and elopements were the case for 2 of them.

No, some of them really do wait until they are through college. It isn't always easy but if it's a priority for them and a firm religious belief (in their own heart and mind) they can do it.

I do recall seeing some young adults who waited mainly because they feared their parents' disapproval. They sat long and miserably on their blocks of ice, afraid to move.

I would be sad if my kids did not have sex till they were in their mid or late 20s. I would be sad if they married in their early 20s. Sex is one of the great pleasures of life, and while it is great when you are 40, it is something you really enjoy more when you are 19...

Anonymous wrote:I gave my DD condoms for her 16th bday. There were 20 in her drawer (thats where she put em).... as of now there are 6. I'm gonna assume she's not making balloon animals with them.

And that's all I need to know.

Just a thought - she may be giving them to friends. I had no need for condoms in high school but was not embarrassed to go purchase them. I was the supplier for girls (and some boys) who were.

good lord, Americans are so twisted when it comes to sex. This is actually my problem when I think of what we'll do when the kids are teens. I'm not worried about our kids if they talk to us and we allow them to have a committed boyfriend/girlfriend sleep over. I'm worried about the other parents! So I pictured maybe calling the girlfriend/boyfriend's parents to make sure they agree first. But what if it's someone with the mindset of the people posting here? Ack! Don't look forward to that conversation.

fwiw, when we visited a friend in Europe, she allowed the boyfriend of her sixteen-year-old to sleep over. I was a little taken aback. But not horrified. Just made me start thinking about where I stand. I do think that if you allow a sleepover at home, the kids will be less likely to have sex they regret, more likely to use birth control, and more likely to be in a committed relationship (ie, less likely to get STDs).

I definitely hope my kids are more relaxed about sex and intimacy than I was.

I gave my DD condoms for her 16th bday. There were 20 in her drawer (thats where she put em).... as of now there are 6. I'm gonna assume she's not making balloon animals with them.

And that's all I need to know.

I didn't care what my teens were doing, encouraged barrier protection and offered plan b as needed. Not an issue.