Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

Wow, this is way over the top. I do agree with the poster that women struggling with fertility issues do not get a free pass to be complete bitches, but they do deserve a measure of respect and sympathy. Really, its all about finding a reasonable middle ground. For women struggling with infertility that do have a hard time being civil to pregnant women, they may get a measure of sympathy for a while, but continuing to behave in this way in the long term will only isolate them further, which will only lead to more depression and feelings of unhappiness. If this continues for years on end, their relationships will likely be damaged beyond repair. It is their responsibility to care of themselves and work through their issues. This is the case for anybody dealt a raw deal in life. Ultimately counseling is likely in order.

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of this notion that pregnant women are supposed to be worshiped and everyone has to fuss over them.
...

I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. ...
I lost the baby, and I still didn't tell her about it, because I didn't want her to relive all of her pain from the years of trying.

People have to remember that aside from the grandparents-to-be, no one is going to care as much about your pregnancy and baby as you and your husband. .....

It's all part of the narcissism of our culture. Getting married, getting pregnant, these aren't "accomplishments." ......

....
Now I have a relative who is pregnant and has made it a point to constantly update me on every aspect of her pregnancy and how wonderful it is to experience the baby moving, on and on.

Being pregnant isn't an excuse to be selfish, narcissistic and unkind.
..........
Maybe if all people regarded pregnancy in this way, we wouldn't have so many spoiled and entitled children who grow up to be spoiled and entitled and self-centered adults.

Flame away, people!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is physically possible for the human brain to understand some things which it has not experienced, such as the TRAUMA of infertility. That's my explanation for people like the OP. Complete ignorance.

Sounds like you're making excuses for your own bad behavior.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it is physically possible for the human brain to understand some things which it has not experienced, such as the TRAUMA of infertility. That's my explanation for people like the OP. Complete ignorance.

Anonymous wrote:I hate that every infertile woman I kmow go so easy on themselves for being consumed with jealosy and hatred. Jealousy is a sin and pregnant women did nothing to deserve. it. when infertile women act so horribly that no one can be around them (in most cases this includes their husband) they are only making a bad situation worse. know that infertility is hard, we tried for 4 years for our #3 - but I did not act like a rude person. And while I know that having 2 healthy children already is easier than having no children, it still was not fun. The reason I didn't turn jealous and bitter is because parenting (if done right) teaches people to be selfless - even if you are parenting an adopted child when there is a baby to take care of you have to learn to put another person before yourself. People who have primary infertility have never experienced this so they are still very childlike. My sister hasnt been able to have any children and she is down right awful. Actually, I don't know a single nice infertile woman, and I know several infertile women closely- until they get pregnant for the first time they are completely awful women. and what makes it worse is that they excuse their selfish behavior. An infertile woman's struggles DOES NOT give you a pass to hate everyone around you. If you are jealous and depressed do something about it, dont expect the world to change for YOU - and don't say "go easy on yourself" CHANGE stop being hateful and a jealous monster. It is not the worlds fault that you are infertile. No other group of people with struggles gives themselves as many "passes" to act horribly as infertile women do. Cancer patients or people with extreme money problems or a disabled child do not allow themselves to be jealous of every other person not in their situation. They do not allow themselves to refuse to be friends with people not in their situation - why do you?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of this notion that pregnant women are supposed to be worshiped and everyone has to fuss over them.

I'm all for offering a seat to a pregnant woman.

But I think pregnancy has become the new Bridezilla.

I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, and I have a sister who is infertile (three agonizing rounds of IVF). My plan was to be very low key about the pregnancy, because I love my sister. I understand her pain, and I didn't feel like she needed to do anything with regard to my pregnancy. I lost the baby, and I still didn't tell her about it, because I didn't want her to relive all of her pain from the years of trying.

People have to remember that aside from the grandparents-to-be, no one is going to care as much about your pregnancy and baby as you and your husband. Don't be entitled. Don't expect the world to stop and gush over the fact that you got pregnant. No one should wish you ill, but you also shouldn't expect to be the center of attention.

Enjoy your own pregnancy, enjoy your baby when it comes. And thank your lucky stars that you were able to get pregnant and that you carried a healthy baby to term. Because let me tell you something, you didn't do anything special to deserve it beyond any other woman on the planet. So much of it is luck and circumstance. Can't you just enjoy and appreciate that you have a healthy pregnancy?

It's all part of the narcissism of our culture. Getting married, getting pregnant, these aren't "accomplishments." They are stages of life that either happen or don't. No one "earns" them. A huge part of it is circumstance -- you were lucky to meet someone and fall in love. You were lucky to get pregnant and have no complications. You didn't earn these things. Appreciate them. But don't expect the world to stop, and more than anything, don't expect other people who, by circumstance, have not been given what you have to suddenly worship you.

As I wrote, I know the horrible heartbreak my sister has endured. I knew before I was pregnant. And then when I miscarried, I knew firsthand.

Now I have a relative who is pregnant and has made it a point to constantly update me on every aspect of her pregnancy and how wonderful it is to experience the baby moving, on and on. She knows I lost my pregnancy. But she seems to feel like I "owe" her this.

I have congratulated her. And I don't tell her how much of a jerk she is being. But her attitude and her actions have definitely made me less interested in being a part of her life.

Being pregnant isn't an excuse to be selfish, narcissistic and unkind. In fact, I firmly believe that being pregnant is a call to invoke your deepest capacity for compassion and empathy for others because you will soon be a mother. Having a baby and being a mother isn't about you getting something you want or you being the center of attention. It is a call to be a better person because you will now be responsible for another person and for teaching them compassion and empathy.

Maybe if all people regarded pregnancy in this way, we wouldn't have so many spoiled and entitled children who grow up to be spoiled and entitled and self-centered adults.

Flame away, people!

No flames here - good points!!

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of this notion that pregnant women are supposed to be worshiped and everyone has to fuss over them.

I'm all for offering a seat to a pregnant woman.

But I think pregnancy has become the new Bridezilla.

I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, and I have a sister who is infertile (three agonizing rounds of IVF). My plan was to be very low key about the pregnancy, because I love my sister. I understand her pain, and I didn't feel like she needed to do anything with regard to my pregnancy. I lost the baby, and I still didn't tell her about it, because I didn't want her to relive all of her pain from the years of trying.

People have to remember that aside from the grandparents-to-be, no one is going to care as much about your pregnancy and baby as you and your husband. Don't be entitled. Don't expect the world to stop and gush over the fact that you got pregnant. No one should wish you ill, but you also shouldn't expect to be the center of attention.

Enjoy your own pregnancy, enjoy your baby when it comes. And thank your lucky stars that you were able to get pregnant and that you carried a healthy baby to term. Because let me tell you something, you didn't do anything special to deserve it beyond any other woman on the planet. So much of it is luck and circumstance. Can't you just enjoy and appreciate that you have a healthy pregnancy?

It's all part of the narcissism of our culture. Getting married, getting pregnant, these aren't "accomplishments." They are stages of life that either happen or don't. No one "earns" them. A huge part of it is circumstance -- you were lucky to meet someone and fall in love. You were lucky to get pregnant and have no complications. You didn't earn these things. Appreciate them. But don't expect the world to stop, and more than anything, don't expect other people who, by circumstance, have not been given what you have to suddenly worship you.

As I wrote, I know the horrible heartbreak my sister has endured. I knew before I was pregnant. And then when I miscarried, I knew firsthand.

Now I have a relative who is pregnant and has made it a point to constantly update me on every aspect of her pregnancy and how wonderful it is to experience the baby moving, on and on. She knows I lost my pregnancy. But she seems to feel like I "owe" her this.

I have congratulated her. And I don't tell her how much of a jerk she is being. But her attitude and her actions have definitely made me less interested in being a part of her life.

Being pregnant isn't an excuse to be selfish, narcissistic and unkind. In fact, I firmly believe that being pregnant is a call to invoke your deepest capacity for compassion and empathy for others because you will soon be a mother. Having a baby and being a mother isn't about you getting something you want or you being the center of attention. It is a call to be a better person because you will now be responsible for another person and for teaching them compassion and empathy.

Maybe if all people regarded pregnancy in this way, we wouldn't have so many spoiled and entitled children who grow up to be spoiled and entitled and self-centered adults.

Flame away, people!