Anonymous
Post 09/30/2012 11:05     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Anything to encourage the girl to give the baby up for adoption would be a good idea. No teen is emotionally or financially prepared -- or ultimately mature enough -- to have a baby. College in the future? MAYBE - if she can live with her parents and they agree to do a LOT. College fun? Doubtful.

I realize OP isn't the mother of the girl, but again, just think about how hard it was when your own kid/kids were newborns. I'm assuming you were married at the time and had the support of your husband. And that you weren't a teenager. And if any of these assumptions aren't true, then you have the life experience to say "babies aren't always a bed of roses."

Many childless couples who can't conceive would be so thrilled just to be able to speak to the girl about the possibility of adopting the baby.

Honestly, I think it is the best thing for all parties. Sure, they will always love that baby, and always think of her,
but they will be giving the baby the best gift - (adoptive) parents who are ready to become parents.


If this were my daughter, I would rather she have an abortion than have a child and give it up for adoption. This is a cruel thing to do to the girl and the boy. They had sex and a baby was the consequence and, with the help and support of both sets of parents, they will mature and learn to handle their situaion. Thank god, in this day and age, a girl does not have to give her baby up for adoption. Who are you or anyone else to say these parents aren't the best for their child.


I agree with this. I would much rather have an abortion than to go through pregnancy and childbirth only to give the baby up myself, and if the girl strongly wishes to keep the baby, I would never "make" her give it up.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2012 08:59     Subject: Re:Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to all for all the helpful (mostly) responses. We live in DC.
Both kids are good kids. Both are 17 in their junior year in high school. Never been in trouble. On track for college and hopefully still will be this time next year.
I have had open and honest communication with my son when it comes to sex and dating. They have been dating for 3 years and say they were using condoms. Unfortunately, the girl still ended up pregnant. There will be a DNA test but I have no doubt my son is the father. She is a nice girl and I do not think she is the type to sleep around.
An abortion is not an option. She does not want one. Neither set of parents is interested in forcing her to. We have talked to them about adoption. They are willing to consider it but right now are telling us they want to keep the baby.
Her parents are willing to house her and the baby. They are insistent that all other support for the child come from it's parents. I can't say I disagree.
Both of the kids have jobs, albeit minimum wage jobs. I took them to the bank to open their own account and they are depositing all of their money in the account to pay for the things the baby needs.
I asked the original question because her parents are still very angry. They do not that the kids will be able to support the baby and are very upset with my son. We got together the other night to discuss how to handle things going forward. It did not go well. They got so upset that they threatened to take my husband and I to court to pay child support. While I plan to help out in any way I can, I am not interested in going to court and being on the hook for child support. I do believe my son should pay support for his own child and will continue to encourage him to do so.


I get that they are angry and upset, but this is totally unfair. Their daughter is as much to blame as your son. I don't understand why they would threaten to take you to court if your son has agreed to help support the child. They aren't willing to help financially but think you and your husband should??? Ridiculous and unreasonable.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2012 08:52     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:What the hell people- it's YOUR GRANDCHILD. Wouldn't you want to be part of it's life and make sure he/she had what they need?! This is despicable


She's 16, 17, 18 and her life is just beginning. I would rather my daughter have a good chance in life and that won't happen if she is having a baby this young. Abortion is the only solution because I didn't carry her for 9 month, give birth, and take care of her for all these years so that she could be a brood mare for infertile women. She can have children AFTER she is married and mature enough to care for them. If I never have a grandchild, fine, but she isn't going to start popping out babies at her age.


+ 1000

Like another PP, I would highly encourage abortion.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 20:48     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
This happened to a cousins son. The grandmother, my cousin, petitioned for and got partial custody or visitation or whatever because the girls family was pretty irresponsible. Now eight years later the mother of the child now actually pays the son (father) some token child support. Don't know legal details specifically at all.

Looking back, my relatively younger cousin has an awesome grandchild and the son has a job and all is well.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 20:27     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
OP - I just wanted to say congrats. My husband had a baby at 18 outside of a committed relationship. She is now a beautiful kid and he grew into his fatherhood role, graduated from college. His commitment to being a father was one of the things I admired so much about him when we met. Glad to hear you are participating in the life of your son and grandson - this story sounds like it will also have a happy ending.

Tearing up writing this - unplanned things can turn out ok. My husband wouldn't be where he is today without the support and love of his family when times were tough.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 19:47     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Congrat's. What a lovely thing for your grandchild for you all to work it out so nicely.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 19:34     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Well done for being supportive op. This sounds like a reasonable agreement and one where both families are helping to make life for this baby as stable and ideal as possible.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 19:21     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:OP, without me reading the entire thread, is there a chance the two of them will stay together?


They remain committed to each other but are not ready to play house. That is why each is still living with their parents. We will do what we can to support their education and their relationship. I've agreed to babysit twice a month so they can have a date night and still have some sense of being young. Its obviously not the same but there is no way their lives will ever be that of a teenager again. The rest is up to them.
We have a hearing in family court in a few weeks to finalize the custody agreement.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 10:53     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
OP, without me reading the entire thread, is there a chance the two of them will stay together?
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 10:27     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
congrats OP glad they were able to work out an arrangement. Consider encouraging them to get a court approved parental custody order (whatever they call it wherever you live) to avoid problems down the road - if you don't have a court approved order, either parent coiuld take off with the baby, suppose they get into an argument or disagree about the baby or something or one of them wants to move away, they can take off w/the baby and chances are nothing can be done about it. That happened to someone we know, and the families never thought it would be a problem - but yeah one parent basically left town with their baby and the other parent was left out in the cold and didn't see the baby for a looooong time.
Anonymous
Post 09/29/2012 08:26     Subject: Re:Do I have to pay child support?
OP here with an update.
My grandson was born earlier this month. The kids started their senior year of high school on time. My son is living with us and she is living with her parents. We agreed to split the cost of daycare 50/50 with her parents. Since she was not interested in breast feeding and we are able to bottle feed, we all decided the baby would spend half the week with her family and half with ours and alternate weekends. That way each family gets a break. They cover the cost of food, clothes, etc. At their house and we cover the costs at ours. It seems to be working so far and was the best way we figured to give them both a chance at graduating on time. We shall see what happens next year with college.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2012 06:16     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe
A boy cannot drive a brand new car, go to an expensive college, and cry poverty as to explain why his kid must make do on $26 per week

Being behind in child support payments also means you cannot get a passport. That means no international student exchange for him.
Clearly this is someone trying to play the game


Being behind in child support payments can result in the suspension of the father's driver's licence and a lot of other negative consequences down the road.


Which boy are you referring to? The OP never described this situation.

Read the thread, both are 17, dating 3 years


I know that but all of a sudden the conversation changed to the boy being a trust fund baby at a fancy college with a new sports car and playing some kind of game because he is only paying $26 dollars a month. Just wondering who they were talking about.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2012 21:15     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe
A boy cannot drive a brand new car, go to an expensive college, and cry poverty as to explain why his kid must make do on $26 per week

Being behind in child support payments also means you cannot get a passport. That means no international student exchange for him.
Clearly this is someone trying to play the game


Being behind in child support payments can result in the suspension of the father's driver's licence and a lot of other negative consequences down the road.


Which boy are you referring to? The OP never described this situation.

Read the thread, both are 17, dating 3 years
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2012 20:57     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Maybe
A boy cannot drive a brand new car, go to an expensive college, and cry poverty as to explain why his kid must make do on $26 per week

Being behind in child support payments also means you cannot get a passport. That means no international student exchange for him.
Clearly this is someone trying to play the game


Being behind in child support payments can result in the suspension of the father's driver's licence and a lot of other negative consequences down the road.


Which boy are you referring to? The OP never described this situation.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2012 20:52     Subject: Do I have to pay child support?
Anonymous wrote:Maybe
A boy cannot drive a brand new car, go to an expensive college, and cry poverty as to explain why his kid must make do on $26 per week

Being behind in child support payments also means you cannot get a passport. That means no international student exchange for him.
Clearly this is someone trying to play the game


Being behind in child support payments can result in the suspension of the father's driver's licence and a lot of other negative consequences down the road.