Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I'm honestly not materialistic ...

"honestly" ?

“...We need to become freer and freer of the attachment to our own smallness in which we get occupied with me-me-me. Pondering on large ideas or standing in front of things which remind us of a vast scale can free us from acquisitiveness and competitiveness and from our likes and dislikes. If we sit with an increasing stillness of the body, and attune our mind to the sky or to the ocean or to the myriad stars at night, or any other indicators of vastness, the mind gradually stills and the heart is filled with quiet joy. Also recalling our own experiences in which we acted generously or with compassion for the simple delight of it without expectation of any gain can give us more confidence in the existence of a deeper goodness from which we may deviate. (39)”
? Ravi Ravindra, The Wisdom of Patanjali's Yoga Sutras

whatever, hippie

It's my anniversary today and last night my husband said, "Oh, I don't have anything for tomorrow" and then he waved a phone cove he'd bought on the clearance rack with a big $8 clearance sign on it. All I can think is, honestly, this man buys gifts for his mother, sends cards to his sisters, buys and sends gifts to his sons, but when it comes to me, it's like I'm supposed to give him permission to forget and mess up. At Christmas he bought me these ridiculous Kim Kardashian animal print leggings that are totally not me, but he said they would show off my best ASSet! What does that mean? He can buy something that makes me look good to him? Oh, and Valentine's day he brought home a box of chocolates that someone else gave him and gave them to me; knowing full well that I don't each sugar. Now, this is a man who, in all other respects, is pretty generous and caring, but holidays, birthdays, anniversaries just wig him out. Sometimes I'm just like "grrrr" and other times I tell him that I'd like to go to the movies, or a play, or something where we spend time on a date and that that would make me happy. I don't really wear jewelry that much, so I'm sure that does limit his options, but I think every man has his failings and what are you going to do; throw out a good guy because he's totally clueless about gift giving? Nah. In a couple of days I won't be thinking about this anniversary and he'll be painting the walls in the family room that he's added on to our house and I'll be watching his strong arms do something great for our whole family and I'll smile and forget about the bright orange sticker on the silly phone cover that I probably won't use.

Send him links - all this subtle hinting around will get you nowhere..

* witnessed your Man saving ...

While the book, The 5 Love Languages does shed some light as to how men show their love I do believe men who do not choose to give their lady gifts is selfish and inconsiderate. I feel a man will do things that make you happy even if he doesn't want to. Moreocet, if you have witnessed your many saving money o buy himself something but can never do it for you that o me speaks volumes.

U

Anonymous wrote:I got a Kindle. I hate them. It's a running joke that I won't read a book unless I can smell the paper! I asked for a book - any book. I have to read grants and regulations for work, all day, every day, on a computer screen. The last thing I want to do is stare at a screen as a form of relaxation. I'll read any book, new, used, romance, adventure, cookbooks even. So, I get a kindle and am told I will learn to love it. I've used my kids and nope, not happening. Go to return, computers are down, spend an hour in line and I can't return it. SO, I am stuck with a gift (the only one I got this Christmas) that I won't use. Meanwhile, I shopped for my whole family, my extended family, my in-laws, did all the cooking, cleaning, decorating for the holiday and I get a gift I specifically said I did not want. All I really want to to know that someone sees how much effort I put into making sure they're happy, healthy, well fed, etc. and this one gift left me feeling like no one really gives a darn.

I'm sorry. I'm in your position too, although my extended family really appreciates the hard work and makes Christmas an awesome memorable time for my kids and that makes a huge difference. Appreciate your DH's good qualities...and if he has none just hang in there until the kids are out of the house....

I got a Kindle. I hate them. It's a running joke that I won't read a book unless I can smell the paper! I asked for a book - any book. I have to read grants and regulations for work, all day, every day, on a computer screen. The last thing I want to do is stare at a screen as a form of relaxation. I'll read any book, new, used, romance, adventure, cookbooks even. So, I get a kindle and am told I will learn to love it. I've used my kids and nope, not happening. Go to return, computers are down, spend an hour in line and I can't return it. SO, I am stuck with a gift (the only one I got this Christmas) that I won't use. Meanwhile, I shopped for my whole family, my extended family, my in-laws, did all the cooking, cleaning, decorating for the holiday and I get a gift I specifically said I did not want. All I really want to to know that someone sees how much effort I put into making sure they're happy, healthy, well fed, etc. and this one gift left me feeling like no one really gives a darn.

Anonymous wrote:My husband gets me great gifts.

Know why?

Because we shop together and I point things out and he goes back to get them.

Because I have an amazon wish list.

Because we discuss budgets and what we will spend in November.

Because I occasionally email him things I see online that I like.

Because I am not so self righteous that I expect him to intuit my every purchasing wish. Nor does he expect that from me.

I do all these things and dh still screws up. But obviously everyone other than you is just a raging harpy.

My husband gets me great gifts.

Know why?

Because we shop together and I point things out and he goes back to get them.

Because I have an amazon wish list.

Because we discuss budgets and what we will spend in November.

Because I occasionally email him things I see online that I like.

Because I am not so self righteous that I expect him to intuit my every purchasing wish. Nor does he expect that from me.

Anonymous wrote:To all those women out there that get absolutely nothing or crap from their husbands....I apologize, for all men everywhere.

I'm one of them. For 10 years I've been married and my wife has constantly said "I don't want anything" or, more because that's how I feel and she doesn't really want to ask for anything, but like all women, still wants to feel special, loved, and cherished....and like most men, I miss the point completely.

Well, this year I did it again. I tried a little (but not enough), buying her the 1 watch she showed me this year (and hinted strongly), plus I bought and framed her degrees (very nice frames). I tend to be very utilitarian.

Well...obviously I missed the mark and she was terribly upset. Picture frames? What the hell was I thinking.

Anyhow...it was enough for her to contemplate divorce. Likely it was just the emotions speaking (and one should never want or need to cry at Christmas), but the reality is that showing the love of your life that you DO think of her and DO appreciate her, EVEN IF you don't know exactly what to buy her is the whole point. Doesn't matter if she gives your gifts away or takes them back and exchanges them.........it's the fact that you try (actually try) and show her that she matters.

To my wife - I promise to continue to do better cause you are worth it.

Love
Rob

Is this a joke?

Feeling cherished and loved has nothing to do with getting a gift for Christmas or a birthday or an anniversary.

What matters are those other elements that make for a fulfilling relationship. OP, I accept that you are not materialistic - I think it is just a different perspective. There are cultures where gift giving is not in vogue for these occasions. Here in the US we associate caring with giving and receiving gifts.

Christmas is my least favorite holiday for this very reason and it has nothing to do with being willing to spend the money. It has to do with finding the right gift - and half the time it turns out to be something the recipient does not want. Gift cards are like giving someone cash - except that they can only be used at the vendor who issues the gift card.

To all those women out there that get absolutely nothing or crap from their husbands....I apologize, for all men everywhere.

I'm one of them. For 10 years I've been married and my wife has constantly said "I don't want anything" or, more because that's how I feel and she doesn't really want to ask for anything, but like all women, still wants to feel special, loved, and cherished....and like most men, I miss the point completely.

Well, this year I did it again. I tried a little (but not enough), buying her the 1 watch she showed me this year (and hinted strongly), plus I bought and framed her degrees (very nice frames). I tend to be very utilitarian.

Well...obviously I missed the mark and she was terribly upset. Picture frames? What the hell was I thinking.

Anyhow...it was enough for her to contemplate divorce. Likely it was just the emotions speaking (and one should never want or need to cry at Christmas), but the reality is that showing the love of your life that you DO think of her and DO appreciate her, EVEN IF you don't know exactly what to buy her is the whole point. Doesn't matter if she gives your gifts away or takes them back and exchanges them.........it's the fact that you try (actually try) and show her that she matters.

To my wife - I promise to continue to do better cause you are worth it.

Love
Rob

Well I got nothing this morning. I am not shocked just sad. So I went online an ordered a purse I really wanted. I am looking forward to having the UPS guy come to my house.

Cheers!

Anonymous wrote:For the last decade, I've repeatedly told my husband (as in 3 times a year--Mother's day, birthday, Christmas) that I absolutely loathe getting things I don't really want. It ends up in the landfill in the long run, which is bad for the environment. Before that, it adds to the clutter around the house (which HE complains about), AND it's my money he's wasting too, which is completely stressing me out because we're just coming off two years of me being unemployed and have used all our savings--which makes me reluctant to donate ALL of it, but I don't have time return it, sell it all on craigslist or ebay (working, here! AND running the house! and paying the bills! and doing most of the shopping, cooking and laundry! and taking care of our kid!). So I have said (again, 3 times a year) please buy something you know I like or just stick with my Amazon wishlist. Also, I hate mums and daisies--but you buy them every Mother's Day. Finally, I'm not enjoying sex because you refuse to . . . (not going into details, but it's NOT something unheard of or unusual--and I have also brought this up multiple times). As you can imagine, right now we're NOT sleeping together. And I'm spending my Christmas sulking. Yes, I asked for a trash can, but it was a special one that I wanted to replace our dirty white plastic one. I did NOT ask for a $150 stick vaccuum cleaner or a frying pan. We HAVE a vacuum cleaner and a frying pan. Did I mention that he buys things HE wants and then says he was being thoughtful about me because we "needed" them?

Do what we do: buy ourselves what we want and then wrap it up. I wrap presents that I bought for myself but label them as if my wife bought them. She does the same. It's a running joke on Christmas morning as we wait in anticipation to see what we bought each other. We say things like, "How did you know I'd LOVE this?" "Oh I just had a special feeling." . It's fun and everyone gets what they want.