Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened when you asked, “Hey so how come you didn’t tell us that you were pregnant?”

Don’t ask her that! her reasons are not your business. She obviously didn’t feel safe and supported and now she is doing better.

This isn’t some co-worker or neighbor. It’s a sibling!!! There is nothing wrong with simply asking the question. And where do you get off assuming the sister “didn’t feel safe or supported?” That is mighty presumptuous on your part, PP.

DP Why is it your business? It isn’t. It isn’t your business. If you need to know, you will be informed.

One more time: it’s family. Family supports one another. If I found out one of my siblings, with whom I’m not estranged, did this, I would genuinely want to know what is going on and what led to not disclosing a pregnancy. It is NOT normal behavior.

No, it’s none of my business if it’s a co-worker or neighbor. But it is my business if it’s family.

+1

It’s family so it hurts more if you are not told until after the baby is born. It means they don’t feel close enough to you to share it.

This is a choice.

You can examine why you feel “hurt” by how another adult chooses to manage their medical information, you can work on the relationship to build the closeness that you feel was missing, or you can center yourself in someone else’s story which may have nothing to do with you.

+1000. They weren't doing it to hurt you. They were doing it for their own reasons and you feel hurt that those reasons didn't prioritize you

I have been mad about medical secrets when those secrets affected me and my plans. But unless there were plans made (like a joint vacation or something) it's hard to see how keeping a pregnancy secret hurts anyone.

You keep talking about this as a "medical choice" or "medical care." It is not. It is a new member of the "presumably close" family. A new member of the family doesn't only affect or belong to the parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Describe why you would be insulted. Explain how this is insulting to you personally.

DP but haven't you seen all the posts here indicating that if the sister didn't tell the OP, it's probably because OP is unsupportive or has done something wrong?

That still doesn’t make it insulting.

It would be to many people.

Many people might choose to be insulted sure but that doesn’t make it insulting.

Others might choose to realize its about the new family’s preferences not theirs.

Others might choose to reflect on their historical conduct.

All choices.

I guess you could say that about anything. You could not invite your sibling to your wedding - after all, it's the couple who chooses whom to invite and no one is entitled to an invitation. The vast majority would feel insulted though.

Sure let’s take your example. A couple who elopes, marries at city hall, doesn’t invite their siblings. Are those siblings all insulted? Not in my experience.

A couple who has suffered repeated loss or a late loss or stillbirth tells family when the baby is safe in moms arms. Is that family insulted? Not in my experience.

Now sure in both cases people can choose to make it about them and be insulted. But rational, empathetic and loving people don’t make that choice.

Yup I know many people who only announce the baby once it is born! Surprosed more of you aren't aware of this.....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”

. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

It sure is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

For many people who have had loss, late loss, and losses, this very much is sharing medical information. It’s remarkable you don’t realize this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What happened when you asked, “Hey so how come you didn’t tell us that you were pregnant?”

Don’t ask her that! her reasons are not your business. She obviously didn’t feel safe and supported and now she is doing better.

This isn’t some co-worker or neighbor. It’s a sibling!!! There is nothing wrong with simply asking the question. And where do you get off assuming the sister “didn’t feel safe or supported?” That is mighty presumptuous on your part, PP.

DP Why is it your business? It isn’t. It isn’t your business. If you need to know, you will be informed.

One more time: it’s family. Family supports one another. If I found out one of my siblings, with whom I’m not estranged, did this, I would genuinely want to know what is going on and what led to not disclosing a pregnancy. It is NOT normal behavior.

No, it’s none of my business if it’s a co-worker or neighbor. But it is my business if it’s family.

+1

It’s family so it hurts more if you are not told until after the baby is born. It means they don’t feel close enough to you to share it.

This is a choice.

You can examine why you feel “hurt” by how another adult chooses to manage their medical information, you can work on the relationship to build the closeness that you feel was missing, or you can center yourself in someone else’s story which may have nothing to do with you.

+1000. They weren't doing it to hurt you. They were doing it for their own reasons and you feel hurt that those reasons didn't prioritize you

I have been mad about medical secrets when those secrets affected me and my plans. But unless there were plans made (like a joint vacation or something) it's hard to see how keeping a pregnancy secret hurts anyone.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I’m starting to wonder if they used a surrogate. Would that make this any less weird?

Maybe they do not want the child to know a surrogate was used. I haven't read the whole thread. If people know, it will be talked about. The child will hear. Maybe the mother would tell the child but wants to on her timeline. This desire for privacy, to keep silence re: details often happens with IVF and couples having fraternal twins.

Yeah because keeping secrets from your kids always ends well.

But apparently according to the other PP’s it’s fine to keep your pregnancy a secret from family members until after you give birth.

Anonymous wrote:Is it possible they adopted a baby? In that case they may not known too far in advance, and would understandably be hesitant to say anything until it's a done deal.

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I’m starting to wonder if they used a surrogate. Would that make this any less weird?

Maybe they do not want the child to know a surrogate was used. I haven't read the whole thread. If people know, it will be talked about. The child will hear. Maybe the mother would tell the child but wants to on her timeline. This desire for privacy, to keep silence re: details often happens with IVF and couples having fraternal twins.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I’m starting to wonder if they used a surrogate. Would that make this any less weird?

Maybe they do not want the child to know a surrogate was used. I haven't read the whole thread. If people know, it will be talked about. The child will hear. Maybe the mother would tell the child but wants to on her timeline. This desire for privacy, to keep silence re: details often happens with IVF and couples having fraternal twins.

Yeah because keeping secrets from your kids always ends well.

But apparently according to the other PP’s it’s fine to keep your pregnancy a secret from family members until after you give birth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I’m starting to wonder if they used a surrogate. Would that make this any less weird?

Maybe they do not want the child to know a surrogate was used. I haven't read the whole thread. If people know, it will be talked about. The child will hear. Maybe the mother would tell the child but wants to on her timeline. This desire for privacy, to keep silence re: details often happens with IVF and couples having fraternal twins.

Yeah because keeping secrets from your kids always ends well.

Anonymous wrote:Here’s normal behavior -
“Hey sis who I text weekly, I’m expecting a baby in four months. We kept it quiet in the first trimester and I’m still kind of spooked so I’m not really up for discussing medical stuff and mom war stories, and we’re not talking about it on social media. Hope you understand”. Sibling: “Congratulations! Can’t wait to meet the baby. I’m here if you need anything”. Sibling keeps mouth shut.

That’s not revealing “medical information”. It’s normal family interaction. If the relationship was bad, wouldn’t have been regular texts. It is insulting to the sibling not to tell about the baby until after the birth, although pregnant person does not owe anyone the blast on
“I’m in labor now!” That can wait until the baby arrives.

I continue to be astonished at how many people were seemingly raised by wolves and have their heads up their behinds about how they are the only people in the universe and everyone else is just a supporting character in their personal drama.

Coworker not saying anything is a little weird, but it’s fine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I’m starting to wonder if they used a surrogate. Would that make this any less weird?

Maybe they do not want the child to know a surrogate was used. I haven't read the whole thread. If people know, it will be talked about. The child will hear. Maybe the mother would tell the child but wants to on her timeline. This desire for privacy, to keep silence re: details often happens with IVF and couples having fraternal twins.

Yeah because keeping secrets from your kids always ends well.

Or they want to tell the child themselves in an age appropriate way and not have an aunt or uncle gossip about it?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I’m starting to wonder if they used a surrogate. Would that make this any less weird?

Maybe they do not want the child to know a surrogate was used. I haven't read the whole thread. If people know, it will be talked about. The child will hear. Maybe the mother would tell the child but wants to on her timeline. This desire for privacy, to keep silence re: details often happens with IVF and couples having fraternal twins.

Yeah because keeping secrets from your kids always ends well.