Anonymous wrote:After having my first I just stopped caring so much about my career. Most of my friends have felt similarly. It’s what PP said—your brain is rewired. I think it happens to men too but not to the same degree.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

You poor, poor thing. All of these things that just happened to you over and over again and made it so that you couldn't work. How sad that at no point did you ever have a choice about what you were doing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

- You need to live in a multi-generational home where every person is looked after. No exploitation.
- You need to pool resources to buy larger homes in nicer neighborhoods with better public schools.
- You need pooled resources that allows for multi-gen homes to get cleaners and part time cooks.
- You need nannies who can help the grandparents with childcare so that they are not exhausted.
- You need grandparents who have done the Swedish Death Cleanse so that their stuff is sorted and their health is good.
- You need a close-knit family and lots of patience.

But, this is the only model I saw working well in my entire life in the US where the woman is also working - and the family could have it all.

This probably won't work here because people are stressing if DH takes MIL for brunch on mother's day. LOL.

Oh, where is my village?

Destined to live in a rich country but live unhappy shitty lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

I don't know who these average women are - 95% of my friends that I've known from age 5 to now work because they want to.

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

Anonymous wrote:I stepped back from my career that I loved to raise the kids. The reasons were:

1) just being pregnant was really hard on me
2) giving birth and recovering from that took time
3) men cannot breast-feed, if you want to breast-feed your baby, it’s on you. Pumping doesn’t really solve that because you still have to wake up to pump.

Between #1 and #2, a year is gone. Then another year for the not sleeping through the night phase and #3. x3 kids and you have six years. At that point you have a two, four, and six-year-old, and it is really tough to have both parents working in demanding full-time non flexible jobs where you cannot work from home at all, possibly unless you have some reliable family help. In my experience, hired help isn’t the same, they’re just not as dependable, it’s tough to get them to work the hours that you truly need, and frankly they’re not as good. And then the kids get a little older and things get easier, but then something like Covid hits and they are home again, and since you’ve been the one home all along, it’s still you. Then you get into the high school where the demands, stress, and the drama increase, plus you have been out a really long time, and it just feels like it doesn’t make sense to try to go back.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In general, it’s unmanly when a man slow pedals his career and lets his wife do the heavy lifting. Maybe some outlier women are okay with that but most will get the ick. It’s human nature.

False. It’s societal conditioning.

I can’t think of anything less masculine than men with so little confidence they don’t lean into their families.

Anonymous wrote:Because DH was in the military when I met him and was forced to move around. I could either keep my job and live 500 miles away or prioritize his job over mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because many people still have common sense. Men are providers by nature. Household and children are the primary responsibilities of women. This type of lifestyle is closest to the human nature.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

Strongly disagree. I am 48. I have been working “out of the home” since I was 16. Same as a man.

Why do women always cite themselves or individual cases when talking about averages?

American woman statistically contribute 45% of money towards joint budget. On average. Plus they also birth and raise children. If you are a woman yourself - shame on you shit talking about them!

Anonymous wrote:On average, women don't want to work outside of the home as much as men do. It's that simple.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because women are smarter and know they can make men their employees if they allow them to pursue their careers. Being CEO of the home is a better gig than being a non-equity partner at Wilmer.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is 2026. Why aren't more men doing it?

Because women are not attracted to men who can’t provide. A man who puts his own career ahead attracts more women.

Anonymous wrote:Because women cannot count on men to take charge at home.