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Anonymous wrote:This whole story is bizarre to me. Friend crying because she was told you didn’t want visitors? And your sister ran up to crying friend and didn’t think to say “oh, no, please come visit larla, not sure why her MIL told you that.” Ok, but let’s go with your story. If it were me and I found out I’d immediately call MIL and address the situation. My next call would be to friend. I don’t get how there is any question about how to handle this.

OP said that the sister tried to do that but that the friend said she just wanted to go home because she was embarrassed.

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

Definitely a troll. Or your friend is severely unbalanced as a grown woman to cry about something like this and you write like a 7th grader. Burn whatever.

+1. OP must think everyone gathers around in hospital rooms smoking cigars and drinking champagne like in old movies. For having a newborn to take care of OP has an awful lot of time to keep updating here and getting worked up about her MIL.

This made me laugh, because when we had our first baby 26 years ago, my then 21 year old BIL and his college roommate drove down from Philly at midnight when they heard I was in labor and arrived with cigars to celebrate the birth and hang out. This was entirely based on their understanding from movies. I still laugh at the family pictures with this random roommate dude who was thoughtful enough to insist they bring breakfast food at 3:00 am in addition to the cigars.

My best friend arrived just after I gave birth to my second child with a dozen cupcakes an hour past visiting hours at a much stricter hospital than the first. She bribed the nurses with 4 cupcakes to spend an hour with me and the baby.

I would have been livid if any volunteer gatekeeper interfered with either of these awesome situations.

Well since babies room in now and new moms have to take care of them as they recover it’s not as chill as it used to be when the baby was cared for in a nursery.

They also did 26 years ago.

+1 My kids are 26 and 20 and both stayed in the room with me and were never in the nursery. I had visitors every day.

How many days were you even in the hospital? For one I spent 2 nights. One I labored all night, spent the next night and went home in the morning the following day. I was barely there 1 whole day. Hospitals kick you out fast. If you're well enough to visit friends for days you can go home.

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

Maybe she’s never seen a newborn baby and was eager to hold one. Maybe she lost a baby before and was excited to be in the hospital and happy for her friend. Having a baby is a joyous time for friends and families. She’s allowed to be emotional especially at being turned back.

Don't forget co-workers!

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

Maybe she’s never seen a newborn baby and was eager to hold one. Maybe she lost a baby before and was excited to be in the hospital and happy for her friend. Having a baby is a joyous time for friends and families. She’s allowed to be emotional especially at being turned back.

Don't forget co-workers!

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Anonymous wrote:This whole story is bizarre to me. Friend crying because she was told you didn’t want visitors? And your sister ran up to crying friend and didn’t think to say “oh, no, please come visit larla, not sure why her MIL told you that.” Ok, but let’s go with your story. If it were me and I found out I’d immediately call MIL and address the situation. My next call would be to friend. I don’t get how there is any question about how to handle this.

OP said that the sister tried to do that but that the friend said she just wanted to go home because she was embarrassed.

Again, why is everyone hanging out outside the room to deal with this friend? Seems pretty obvious they were outside for a reason and giving the unstable friend a heads up.

What is so hard about following along? Op came back and clearly said everyone had stepped out into the waiting area to figure out dinner takeout order plans. The colleague was set to arrive after work, which is around dinner time for a group who has gathered at the hospital for a family member. Nothing about this story isn’t reasonable.

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

Maybe she’s never seen a newborn baby and was eager to hold one. Maybe she lost a baby before and was excited to be in the hospital and happy for her friend. Having a baby is a joyous time for friends and families. She’s allowed to be emotional especially at being turned back.

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

That seems so....unnecessarily dramatic? I get being disappointed by not seeing your friend and meeting her new baby but running out of the hospital in tears - good lord.

I'm joining the other fence sitters who need more information before we string up the MIL.

Yep I would be pissed at that friend coming to see me but causing so many problems. Now it's all about her and her feelings. If you can't behave like an adult, I see no future friendship.

If someone said to you “go she doesn’t want you here” would you not be upset? If her MIL was like “hey hon thanks for stopping by but she’s sleeping right now- how about I take the care package and let her know you came. Thank you for stopping by!” I doubt she’d be crying.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm so glad I had a covid baby because I would not want ANYONE at the hospital. Maaaaaybe my mom.

I was so numb from the epidural, every time I stood up to try to use the restroom I peed all over the floor for the first several hours. I had a serious tear and was extremely uncomfortable. It was miserable. I was in labor all night long and couldn't get any sleep with the constant interruptions. Nothing about it was pleasant or relaxing and I couldn't wait to get home. Luckily had no visitors.

I didn’t experience anything like that after my C-section. I was ready for visitors pretty quickly and definitely wasn’t in much pain. I came home with no pain meds. We’re all different so don’t assume everyone’s post partum experience is the same.

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Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

Years ago I visited a co-worker and her new baby in the hospital. She was happy to see me and we had a nice visit. I certainly had no alternative motivations.

I love when my coworkers come to visit me when I'm wear a mesh diaper with an ice pack in it.

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Anonymous wrote:why do you need so many people at the hospital with you?

To bring their germs and viruses with them. Funny that people who don't think family should visit for weeks after a baby comes home now think it's the more the merrier in flu season at the hospital with a baby just hours old.

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Anonymous wrote:I really don't get the friend crying.

This, which makes me think OP is a troll.

Why would your friend start crying because your MIL told her you didn't want any visitors? What?

I am not a troll. I want to ignore you because you’re being annoying, burn I’ll answer this last question.

I believe she was shocked because we had earlier discussed her stopping by with a care package, something I’ve been craving and she promised to bring me once the baby got here. I was expecting her. I think she was made to believe by my MIL’s brash comment that she wasn’t welcome. I think she was confused and hurt, maybe embarrassed, maybe a little sensitive. I don’t think it matters why she was crying. I think it matters why my MIL, who knew u was accepting visitors because she was actively planning carry out dinner plans with said visitors, thought she had a right to turn away my friend, without even consulting me or DH.

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Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

Your newer work friend visited you in the hospital?

Who cares who the friend is? It wasn't MIL's place to turn anyone away.

Boundaries people. "Newer" friends aren't hospital visiting level unless they have alternative motivations.

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Anonymous wrote:Do you friend and MIL know each other?

Yes, they do. This isn’t one of my best friends, but it’s a newer work friend. She absolutely knows her, she was at my baby shower.

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Anonymous wrote:Call your friend and get what actually happened, and then unleash your husband on his mom.

+1

First, congratulations on the birth of your baby!

I agree that you should talk to your friend and see exactly what happened.

I would also take a minute to assess the time that she visited, were you sleeping? Were you with a doctor? Any possible logical reason why your mother-in-law would say it wasn’t the right time to visit? Want to make sense of everything then you can take your next steps.

I have spoken to my friend and her story aligns with what my sister said. At the time, a group was sort of gathered in the waiting room area, making dinner plans. (My friend had already told me she would be coming that day after work, so I was expecting her.) My mother and father were in the room as well, but didn’t see the interaction because it happened in the hallway. My sister just happened to be walking there from my room when everything happened and then caught up to my friend who was upset and said she thought it best if she leave, and gave the package to her and told her to tell me we would catch up later. I wasn’t in the middle of anything at all, everyone had just stepped away to make the dinner plans.

Anonymous wrote:Over the weekend I had my first baby, and something just came to light that’s really bothering me.

Last night my sister told me that while I was in the hospital, my MIL apparently turned away a friend of mine who came by to drop off a care package. My sister said MIL was in the hallway near the waiting area and basically told my friend something along the lines of “go, she doesn’t want visitors.” My friend was surprised and left. My sister caught up with her and said she was crying.

For context, I did receive the care package. At the time my sister just told me that this friend had dropped it off, but didn’t mention anything about what had happened in the hallway.

My sister told MIL at the time that it wasn’t cool, but didn’t want to escalate things at the hospital. My friend hasn’t mentioned it to me at all, likely also trying not to create drama.

I’m really upset about it. I was expecting this friend and would absolutely have seen her, even briefly. I also feel a bit foolish because I’ve been very friendly and inclusive with my MIL all week, not knowing this happened.

My husband was immediately ready to call his mom and tell her how inappropriate it was, but I asked him to hold off until I had a minute to think. Right now I feel so disrespected that I don’t even want to see her. At the same time, I know this is an exciting time for her too and I don’t want to overreact.

How would you handle this? Address it directly now? Let it go but set boundaries going forward? I’m also aware I’m freshly postpartum and probably not in the most objective headspace.