Anonymous
03/01/2026 11:03
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.
No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.
Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.
And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.
I went back and read op's original post and I don't see "production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet".
She asked if there was any flexibility-she didn't demand it or throw a fit.
She posted here for a sanity check like plenty of people do on things ranging from work disputes, college visits, clothes, and yes, family visits.
The OP was paranoid and delusional. First she played the victim by an unsubstantiated comment about how the brother doesn’t like her very much, then she claims his no kid policy is a direct attack on her children.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 10:34
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a selfish brat.
Many couples exclude children from weddings, it is extremely common.
Furthermore i wouldn’t want a baby and toddler at ANY intimate dinner at a nice elegant restaurant especially if it were my wedding dinner.
BTW iI am a parent of two young children and invited kids to my wedding. Everyone has different preferences and the wedding couple get to decide.
That's really rude. Op is not being a selfish brat. She's trying to figure out how to make sure her family including a nursing baby of a few months is cared for. She's thinking of them and that doesn't make her a brat.
Op also never said it was a nice elegant restaurant. It could be a very family friendly place for all we know.
Whatever it is, her kids aren’t included. So stay home and care for them since apparently the husband is incapable.
I've never met a husband who could nurse.
I agree she should stay home and skip the events.
lol so you don’t have experience with freezer supplies and putting BM in a bottle.
My kid had bottle refusal around 3 months which was unfun. We got him off it but it took quite a bit of work.
Breastfeeding in the nurse heavy days does also mean you get uncomfortable after a few hours of not pumping or nursing.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 10:32
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.
No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.
Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.
And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.
I went back and read op's original post and I don't see "production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet".
She asked if there was any flexibility-she didn't demand it or throw a fit.
She posted here for a sanity check like plenty of people do on things ranging from work disputes, college visits, clothes, and yes, family visits.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 10:29
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.
No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.
Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.
And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.
I bet if I showed up for an hour or two it would unfortunately cause more drama. She likely wouldn't be able to attend the dinner and then there would be whining about how rude she was leaving early.
Just skip both events.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 10:05
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Declining the invitation is fine. Wheedling about the baby is not.
No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.
Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.
And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.
No rational mother would want to take a 3mo to a group event anyway, especially at the tail end of cold/flu/COVID season.
Decline, that is absolutely fine. But making this such a production and whining and wheedling and running to the Internet is beyond stupid.
And yes, I breastfed two babies, and had bottle refusal with the first. Even with bottle refusal, I would have stopped by my brother’s local wedding reception for an hour or two while DH tried a bottle at home. It would have been a worthwhile opportunity for bottle practice, and if it didn’t work, I’d just feed when I got home.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:55
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why anyone would take their baby and young kid to a wedding. The kids certainly won’t have fun enjoyable time. I also don’t understand why it’s big deal to leave your baby at home with a sitter for one evening. Go to the dinner, skip Europe. Don’t make this about you.
The big difference is the age of the baby. If the baby was going to be 9 months and have a routine then sure get a sitter. But a baby of only 3 months might not have a routine, might not take a bottle, etc.
Personally I would skip both events with a baby that young. I guess maybe you could wait to decide on the dinner until after the baby is born in case your gets is easy to get on a schedule, take a bottle easily, etc.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:28
Subject: Not inviting kids.
I don’t understand why anyone would take their baby and young kid to a wedding. The kids certainly won’t have fun enjoyable time. I also don’t understand why it’s big deal to leave your baby at home with a sitter for one evening. Go to the dinner, skip Europe. Don’t make this about you.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:24
Subject: Not inviting kids.
As expected when babies are involved, this got out of hand and turned nasty.
Op, it sounds like you tried your best. It doesn't work for you to attend and that's fine. Take care of yourself and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. I hope your family is celebrating the new addition somehow.
Op, it sounds like you tried your best. It doesn't work for you to attend and that's fine. Take care of yourself and good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. I hope your family is celebrating the new addition somehow.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:24
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.
A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.
Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.
If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.
That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?
Probably, seeing as she can't just go with the flow for the local, low effort wedding. OP is high maintenance and wants the world to revolve around her kids.
Never nursed a newborn have you?
Only 3, you? Pump and dump. Pros know how.
Perhaps op isn't a pro like you. She should still be supported.
Also with 3 kids you would think you would know that pumping and dumping doesn't get the newborn fed which is the goal.
You would think OP would be working on bottle training and building a stash. Do you know how breastfeeding works or are you just guessing?
I do. I know that not everyone who breastfeeds uses a bottle. It's not a requirement. And now you know too.
That’s a choice and that choice limits you in life meaning you can’t go to events that don’t allow breastfeeding infants who can’t take a bottle. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
So then she doesn't go to the event. She simply asked if the baby could come. No need to attack her. Geesh.
She wants to whine about it though. Feed the baby, skip the wedding. It’s not her day, it’s her brother’s.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:21
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.
A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.
Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.
If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.
That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?
Probably, seeing as she can't just go with the flow for the local, low effort wedding. OP is high maintenance and wants the world to revolve around her kids.
Never nursed a newborn have you?
Only 3, you? Pump and dump. Pros know how.
Perhaps op isn't a pro like you. She should still be supported.
Also with 3 kids you would think you would know that pumping and dumping doesn't get the newborn fed which is the goal.
You would think OP would be working on bottle training and building a stash. Do you know how breastfeeding works or are you just guessing?
I do. I know that not everyone who breastfeeds uses a bottle. It's not a requirement. And now you know too.
That’s a choice and that choice limits you in life meaning you can’t go to events that don’t allow breastfeeding infants who can’t take a bottle. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
So then she doesn't go to the event. She simply asked if the baby could come. No need to attack her. Geesh.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:20
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Op, sorry so many people are being rude. They either never had kids or forget the early months stage.
You have tried to have a good relationship with your brother regardless of whatever issue he has with you.
Send congratulations and don't attend. There's no need to force a bottle on your baby for this or drag a pump to the restaurant and spend time in the bathroom pumping.
Focus on your own family at this exciting time! I hope the rest of your pregnancy and the delivery go well! Congrats on the new baby!!
You have tried to have a good relationship with your brother regardless of whatever issue he has with you.
Send congratulations and don't attend. There's no need to force a bottle on your baby for this or drag a pump to the restaurant and spend time in the bathroom pumping.
Focus on your own family at this exciting time! I hope the rest of your pregnancy and the delivery go well! Congrats on the new baby!!
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:19
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.
A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.
Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.
If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.
That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?
Probably, seeing as she can't just go with the flow for the local, low effort wedding. OP is high maintenance and wants the world to revolve around her kids.
Never nursed a newborn have you?
Only 3, you? Pump and dump. Pros know how.
Perhaps op isn't a pro like you. She should still be supported.
Also with 3 kids you would think you would know that pumping and dumping doesn't get the newborn fed which is the goal.
You would think OP would be working on bottle training and building a stash. Do you know how breastfeeding works or are you just guessing?
I do. I know that not everyone who breastfeeds uses a bottle. It's not a requirement. And now you know too.
That’s a choice and that choice limits you in life meaning you can’t go to events that don’t allow breastfeeding infants who can’t take a bottle. You can’t have your cake and eat it too.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:17
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like a selfish brat.
Many couples exclude children from weddings, it is extremely common.
Furthermore i wouldn’t want a baby and toddler at ANY intimate dinner at a nice elegant restaurant especially if it were my wedding dinner.
BTW iI am a parent of two young children and invited kids to my wedding. Everyone has different preferences and the wedding couple get to decide.
That's really rude. Op is not being a selfish brat. She's trying to figure out how to make sure her family including a nursing baby of a few months is cared for. She's thinking of them and that doesn't make her a brat.
Op also never said it was a nice elegant restaurant. It could be a very family friendly place for all we know.
Whatever it is, her kids aren’t included. So stay home and care for them since apparently the husband is incapable.
I've never met a husband who could nurse.
I agree she should stay home and skip the events.
lol so you don’t have experience with freezer supplies and putting BM in a bottle.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:16
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Is your brother a narcissist? Two weddings including a destination one...not wanting kids to steal the attention...making it nearly impossible for you to attend as a mother nursing a very young infant.
A 15 person dinner after a court house wedding isn't exactly a lavish affair. It's pretty basic to figure out the legal side before the wedding they really want abroad. Some cultures invite half the village and the party goes on for days. This is nothing like that.
Interesting to have such inflexible policy on his sister's kids at a not exactly lavish affair though.
If he gives an inch then she will want it to be at a restaurant closer to her home, not during nap time or bed time, with an appropriate kid menu, etc etc. it’s one meal she can figure it out or just not go for her brother’s wedding.
That's quite a paranoid leap. Do you also think he's going through the whole process of getting married in another country for the sole purpose of keeping her kids away?
Probably, seeing as she can't just go with the flow for the local, low effort wedding. OP is high maintenance and wants the world to revolve around her kids.
Never nursed a newborn have you?
Only 3, you? Pump and dump. Pros know how.
Perhaps op isn't a pro like you. She should still be supported.
Also with 3 kids you would think you would know that pumping and dumping doesn't get the newborn fed which is the goal.
You would think OP would be working on bottle training and building a stash. Do you know how breastfeeding works or are you just guessing?[/quote
I do. I know that not everyone who breastfeeds uses a bottle. It's not a requirement. And now you know too.
Anonymous
03/01/2026 09:16
Subject: Not inviting kids.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I was pretty aware that my nephew was going through bottle refusal around 3 to 4 months and I'm wouldn't have thought to ask my brother to leave his kid home.
Look, I'm just saying siblings with good relationships would likely talk this out. I also really didn't want my sis in law to feel left out from a family event.
Op's brother does not appear thoughtful or to value a relationship with her though.
You seem more considerate.
Exactly. Which is why it’s ok that op is hurt. Also ok to send regrets and not feel bad about it. Brother is rude and their relationship is not good for whatever reasons. Good siblings don’t do this sort of thing.
Brother isn’t rude, he’s living his life which isn’t centered around his distant sister and her kids. At least she was invited. The time to work on the relationship is before the invites go out, not after.
I encourage op to live her life not centered around her distant brother.
Well it sounds like she has that part down. Since she’s not going to get her way here the only thing to do is RSVP no.