Anonymous wrote:I haven’t read the whole thing but the perfectly written thank you note feels like one of those norms that has to change.

Traditionally — and from what I’ve seen in thank you notes I’ve gotten recently — it is women who must write the perfect handwritten thank you note, and it is the woman who bears the brunt of judgement when they aren’t done to standard.

Let’s make things easier for the next generation of women. Let’s choose to be happy for them when they find ways to relieve some of the pressures that have traditionally fallen far more heavily on them. And when we feel discomfort, let’s take that as a chance to assess whether certain burdens might have fallen too heavily on us, and what else we might have done with those hours in our own wild and precious life.

Postcard away, I say!

Anonymous wrote:Look. Historically it was women who wrote the thank you letters. I have never met a man who would write a thank you letter, let alone take the time to figure out what everybody sent and come up with a few sentences on how he planned to use it.

And maybe that made sense when women stayed at home, and relationships were their responsibility.

But now with women working full time, it’s ridiculous to expect them to also spend hours on this unpaid labor that no man would ever do. They (or really, she, because I’m guessing the wife did this) are smart for finding a solution that requires little time yet still got the thank you note out.

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Anonymous wrote:I was raised that the polite thing to do is write a personalized thank you note so I did that. I was fortunate though, I was between jobs, so while I was overwhelmed with moving and other things, I could make the time. If I was working full time, and managing a bunch of other things, I would have to cut corners and at least it includes a thank you.

I have gotten over pearl clutching these days. I try to do what i think is the right thing and have grace when I think others don't. I remind myself that i don't know what they have going on and I'd rather not add to anyone's stress. I also have better boundaries about just declining that family destination wedding for someone I am not close to, etc.

But here is the thing. If a bride and a groom are willing to receive a gift, then they should be able to properly thank the gift giver. It has nothing to do with whether you are working or not working or busy or not. If your arms are open to receiving gifts, then they should be open to writing a thank you note. It really is that simple.

In OP's case they did write a thank you note. So what are you whining about?

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Anonymous wrote:I attended a wedding recently and just received a postcard thank-you for the wedding gift. I had no idea this was a thing! On one side, it had a photo of the couple. On the other side, there were a few pre-printed lines about how lucky the couple is, and then just two short handwritten lines thanking me specifically for my gift, and in the most generic way possible (basically: thank you for the X, we really appreciate it). There were exactly sixteen handwritten words in the whole thing.

Honestly, my middle schooler could have written a more personalized and appreciative thank you: We plan to use your generous gift to do X, we hope to see you at X so we can catch up and tell you about the honeymoon, etc.

Has anyone else felt annoyed by this apparent wedding trend, or am I just being grumpy?

I think this is fine, the personalized notes are also fill in the blank (witness your example above). Just be happy they thanked you in a timely manner. It took us a year to send out thank you cards because writing long, personalized cards was such a pain in the butt.

Proper ones are not that way. You actually handwrite out your appreciation. Shocking, I know, but if guests dump a couple of hundred dollars on a gift, the couple can sit down and scribble out a note.

This line of thinking is inane. But enjoy your rage I guess. Must be fun to get upset about things like this.

And you enjoy being rude and not taking the time to write a note.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Cool. Then I hope the tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts ends as well.

This! I will add that another tradition that needs to die is the expectation that I will send a couple an expensive gift although I am not able to attend the wedding. Or that I need to spend a certain amount to cover the cost of my plate if I do attend your wedding.

Such fussy old traditions I’m sure the under-30 set won’t mi$$ the$e “boomer” tradition$

- genX

Boomers were never tacky and asking for meal payments or cash for trips.

They sure were tacky enough to register for useless china knickknacks and silver candlesticks, and ARE tacky enough to try to foist them off on younger people at every turn. No, Linda, we don’t want your hideous gravy boat. Stop with the guilt trip.

Not everone enjoys using silver and fine china. A lot of these opinions reflect one's background.

I enjoy using the fine china that I picked out, that reflects my taste. My “background” is that offering something once is polite, pushing it and guilt tripping is rude. But Boomer women just can’t get over that no one wants their old junk. God forbid you donate it to charity or pay the small fee for one of the services that will sell it on eBay. No no, they save it and try to foist it on a daughter or niece every five minutes.

PP here. That's not the way Boomers in my family act at all, and my sisters and I cherish and use the beautiful, sentimental pieces that have been given to us.

OK? That’s great. Some Boomers in my family are gracious, and others are pushy and won’t take no for an answer. Even some of my mom’s friends have tried to guilt trip me into taking their crap.

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Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Cool. Then I hope the tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts ends as well.

This! I will add that another tradition that needs to die is the expectation that I will send a couple an expensive gift although I am not able to attend the wedding. Or that I need to spend a certain amount to cover the cost of my plate if I do attend your wedding.

Such fussy old traditions I’m sure the under-30 set won’t mi$$ the$e “boomer” tradition$

- genX

Boomers were never tacky and asking for meal payments or cash for trips.

They sure were tacky enough to register for useless china knickknacks and silver candlesticks, and ARE tacky enough to try to foist them off on younger people at every turn. No, Linda, we don’t want your hideous gravy boat. Stop with the guilt trip.

Not everone enjoys using silver and fine china. A lot of these opinions reflect one's background.

I enjoy using the fine china that I picked out, that reflects my taste. My “background” is that offering something once is polite, pushing it and guilt tripping is rude. But Boomer women just can’t get over that no one wants their old junk. God forbid you donate it to charity or pay the small fee for one of the services that will sell it on eBay. No no, they save it and try to foist it on a daughter or niece every five minutes.

PP here. That's not the way Boomers in my family act at all, and my sisters and I cherish and use the beautiful, sentimental pieces that have been given to us.

Anonymous wrote:Not in my circle. Embossed/engraved monogram stationary (new initials to show off) is typical.

Anonymous wrote:I was raised that the polite thing to do is write a personalized thank you note so I did that. I was fortunate though, I was between jobs, so while I was overwhelmed with moving and other things, I could make the time. If I was working full time, and managing a bunch of other things, I would have to cut corners and at least it includes a thank you.

I have gotten over pearl clutching these days. I try to do what i think is the right thing and have grace when I think others don't. I remind myself that i don't know what they have going on and I'd rather not add to anyone's stress. I also have better boundaries about just declining that family destination wedding for someone I am not close to, etc.

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Anonymous wrote:All the cool young kids who think it’s old fashioned to be expected to write thank you notes- you have no idea how grasping and greedy you all look, planning your destination weddings and asking for money (!) for things like houses and honeymoons. If you don’t want to write a thank you note, don’t expect people to fork out for your wedding!

You're missing the point here. They DID handwrite out a thank you note, it just didn't have enough handwritten words for OP. And feel free to not fork out for any wedding you don't want to. Problem solved.

- GenXer

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Anonymous wrote:I hope these pointless and EXPENSIVE traditions die with the Boomers. As a millennial, I don’t need a thank you, especially for a wedding gift. The open bar was my thank you.

Cool. Then I hope the tradition of giving expensive wedding gifts ends as well.

This! I will add that another tradition that needs to die is the expectation that I will send a couple an expensive gift although I am not able to attend the wedding. Or that I need to spend a certain amount to cover the cost of my plate if I do attend your wedding.

Such fussy old traditions I’m sure the under-30 set won’t mi$$ the$e “boomer” tradition$

- genX

Boomers were never tacky and asking for meal payments or cash for trips.

They sure were tacky enough to register for useless china knickknacks and silver candlesticks, and ARE tacky enough to try to foist them off on younger people at every turn. No, Linda, we don’t want your hideous gravy boat. Stop with the guilt trip.

Not everone enjoys using silver and fine china. A lot of these opinions reflect one's background.

I enjoy using the fine china that I picked out, that reflects my taste. My “background” is that offering something once is polite, pushing it and guilt tripping is rude. But Boomer women just can’t get over that no one wants their old junk. God forbid you donate it to charity or pay the small fee for one of the services that will sell it on eBay. No no, they save it and try to foist it on a daughter or niece every five minutes.

Anonymous wrote:What would have satisfied you, OP?