Anonymous
02/24/2026 13:49
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:No school asks for specific amounts.
If your school did OP leave.
I was on my kid's private school's annual fund committee and there is a spreadsheet of what the family has donated and "the ask". I never included the school's ask of the families in my email. I just reminded the families to get their donations in. Was too stressful of a job for me.
Anonymous
02/24/2026 08:02
Subject: Re:What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Op here— so we waited 2 weeks and then sent an email reply that said our priority was saving for college and offered them $500. They sent us a link to donate!
Your response was perfect. You should feel generous because that is a nice donation just not over the top.
Anonymous
02/24/2026 07:57
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:C’mon OP. $500 is a pretty stingy donation considering you have 2 kids at that school. And stop acting like you can’t afford to do better than that.
I mean…if I needed to buy a kidney or pay a ransom for 100k, could I? Probably. But I drive dented minivans with 100k miles, cook on countertops made of hollow plastic and did not buy myself a new winter coat this year even though mine is shabby. Am I a cheap person who gets off on being thrifty. No. I like nice things and would buy them in a heartbeat if I thought it was appropriate. We don’t have a ton of extra money lying around for luxuries. Would I renovate my own 40 year old decrepit kitchen before donating to a posh private school? You betcha. I think it is borderline depraved to ask a normal American family for that kind of money in this day and age. If we had that amount lying around and invested it it would pay for my baby’s college. But no, it is definitely better for me to give it to a random private school so other people’s kids can have a nicer library in a decade! What?!
You understand there’s a bit of a range between $100k and $500, right? PP didn’t seem to be suggesting you give the $100k they asked for, but $1000-2000 seems more reasonable if you wanted to go low.
No, don’t listen to this person. You didn’t have to give anything at all. $500 is more than a lot of families donate. You would be surprised at the number of families who donate nothing or what is essentially pocket change. Many of these families are already getting huge discounts through financial aid.
If you are full pay, and donate anything at all, you are doing more than enough.
Anonymous
02/24/2026 07:55
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:C’mon OP. $500 is a pretty stingy donation considering you have 2 kids at that school. And stop acting like you can’t afford to do better than that.
I mean…if I needed to buy a kidney or pay a ransom for 100k, could I? Probably. But I drive dented minivans with 100k miles, cook on countertops made of hollow plastic and did not buy myself a new winter coat this year even though mine is shabby. Am I a cheap person who gets off on being thrifty. No. I like nice things and would buy them in a heartbeat if I thought it was appropriate. We don’t have a ton of extra money lying around for luxuries. Would I renovate my own 40 year old decrepit kitchen before donating to a posh private school? You betcha. I think it is borderline depraved to ask a normal American family for that kind of money in this day and age. If we had that amount lying around and invested it it would pay for my baby’s college. But no, it is definitely better for me to give it to a random private school so other people’s kids can have a nicer library in a decade! What?!
You understand there’s a bit of a range between $100k and $500, right? PP didn’t seem to be suggesting you give the $100k they asked for, but $1000-2000 seems more reasonable if you wanted to go low.
Anonymous
02/24/2026 07:52
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:C’mon OP. $500 is a pretty stingy donation considering you have 2 kids at that school. And stop acting like you can’t afford to do better than that.
If it were me, I would give $100. A donation is completely voluntary and not required. A donation of any amount should be appreciated.
Furthermore, if you already have two kids there and are full pay, you are already subsidizing their operations. Just look at how big the annual financial aid budget is. What is the average family paying in tuition? A lot less than full pay.
It is absurd that people want to look up your bank account size and think you owe them a large donation, or any donation at all. You don’t owe them anything.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 22:05
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:C’mon OP. $500 is a pretty stingy donation considering you have 2 kids at that school. And stop acting like you can’t afford to do better than that.
I mean…if I needed to buy a kidney or pay a ransom for 100k, could I? Probably. But I drive dented minivans with 100k miles, cook on countertops made of hollow plastic and did not buy myself a new winter coat this year even though mine is shabby. Am I a cheap person who gets off on being thrifty. No. I like nice things and would buy them in a heartbeat if I thought it was appropriate. We don’t have a ton of extra money lying around for luxuries. Would I renovate my own 40 year old decrepit kitchen before donating to a posh private school? You betcha. I think it is borderline depraved to ask a normal American family for that kind of money in this day and age. If we had that amount lying around and invested it it would pay for my baby’s college. But no, it is definitely better for me to give it to a random private school so other people’s kids can have a nicer library in a decade! What?!
Anonymous
02/23/2026 21:29
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
C’mon OP. $500 is a pretty stingy donation considering you have 2 kids at that school. And stop acting like you can’t afford to do better than that.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 21:08
Subject: Re:What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Op here— so we waited 2 weeks and then sent an email reply that said our priority was saving for college and offered them $500. They sent us a link to donate!
Anonymous
02/23/2026 21:06
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
I'm sympathetic to OP and think the $100k ask is nuts, as wwll as poorly handled. But OP's suggestion they planned to give $500 is absurdly low for a family with means and 2 kids at that school.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 20:58
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
^also wonder if there’s someone out there with the same name as you or your DH who is killing it out there, which is why all the online aggregators are getting their wires crossed
Anonymous
02/23/2026 20:57
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You probably flaunt your wealth. That’s why they asked.[/
Really, we do not. Two cars from Carmax, no jewels, no vacation house, no trust or education trust or foundation or whatever people have. I work only part time so I can handle kids after school, so maybe that whet their appetite.
Well this is why! Any development officer who has been diligently researching DCUM understands that it’s the unflashy, unbedecked people with “modest” (read: still expensive) homes, beat up cars, part-time vanity jobs, and yet still paying 4-6 kids’ worth of private school tuition….are the people with REAL CLASS and WHISPERING WEALTH!!!!!!
But seriously, the thinly veiled thread from HoS is a big wtf for me….
….As are the people upthread who can no longer see that the data-scraping practices are ICKY. Legal—yes. Common—yes. But icky nonetheless. It’s like the fundraising version of Botox face.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 19:49
Subject: Re:What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:Schools don’t ask for specific amounts like this. TROLL.
They absolutely do. They sit you down, tell you about their campaign and everything they plan to do, and then make a specific ask at the end of the presentation. It’s extremely uncomfortable.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 19:46
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.
It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.
It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.
It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.
I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.
Well, now you have made it easier for them to troll in the future.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 19:40
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
Anonymous wrote:I call troll. You’re not using private school terminology.
It’s not “elementary.” It’s lower school. There are basically no private schools that only serve elementary grades.
It’s not “fundraising lady.” It’s Director of Development.
It’s not “principal.” It’s Head of School.
I’ll give you a C for your troll attempt. Research the terminology before you build your character.
Yeah, this just doesn't happen. We have so much data on families. Sometimes an ask is a flop but never because the family couldn't make the gift. Usually because they are mad about something the HoS & dev team is oblivious to like a bad teacher or yucky social dynamics.
Anonymous
02/23/2026 19:36
Subject: What do I do: elementary school just ask us for 100k
I would just say no and tell the school they clearly got their research wrong. I think asking for this much money requires some due diligence and the school didn’t do theirs or got it wrong.