Anonymous wrote:This story sounds like fictional rage bait.

Full-ride freshmen at a 92k year school are going to get full dining credits at all the dining and coffee places on campus.

If for some reason the roommate is ordering delivery + Starbucks daily that speaks in no way to his parents financial situation. Even smart kids make stupid financial choices and the credit cards will always catch up to them.

If he’s on full financial aid and works, he can afford Starbucks. It isn’t a delicacy!

Sheesh, I had 4 employees that worked several jobs concurrently with attending college.

This story sounds like fictional rage bait.

Full-ride freshmen at a 92k year school are going to get full dining credits at all the dining and coffee places on campus.

If for some reason the roommate is ordering delivery + Starbucks daily that speaks in no way to his parents financial situation. Even smart kids make stupid financial choices and the credit cards will always catch up to them.

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think he’s a brat - that’s an easy throwaway comment. Rather, he’s likely seeing a variety of economic situations for the first time and I’d focus on that. We’ve had to deal with this in a different situation and we empathized on the “others have more” by sharing that it’s the same with our own friends and co-workers - that we have people in our own circle who have much more money than we do and how it feels and how we deal with it (can’t join them for expensive outings, etc, still maintain friendships, how to act when you have more). It’s life

I approach the spendy full ride situation in the same way - talk about your own situation such as how taxes work, how much we pay, that some pay nothing but sometimes have nice things like even nicer cars sometimes (tho that’s maybe not the full picture obviously) - this is real life. Sometimes it seems very unfair and sometimes it really is unfair but that is life. I would focus on the realities of life by sharing what seems unfair in your own life and make it a teaching moment.

+1000

This is the right advice, for sure.

Recognize that this is part of his education, too - the complexity of wealth in this country, the outsided cost of college, and of course, how we as a society address inequality in ways that are often inadequate and sometimes unfair.

It sounds like he’s also starting to think about the uncertainty/risk that comes with big investments. It’s hitting him that HE will be paying $80K+ for his college education via loans, and he doesn’t know if it’s “worth it.”

Kids these days often see “loans” as outsided anchors around their necks - burdens that will prevent them from having a normal, adult life. Help him understand this is not true.

Finally, everyone should keep in mind that you’re on the same team. You all want what’s best for him, and you’re all trying to make the best choices possible.

Yes, there will be big feelings involved. There often are when it comes to money! So it’s good to talk about them - even the hard ones like anger, fear, guilt, resentment, regret. But ultimately, you all are each other’s best resources and will have each other’s backs at every stage.

Finally, he might want to take a related public policy course at college - something about income inequality or the wealth gap or the hollowing out of the middle class etc. He’s living something very real - it might help him to put it into a larger context.

Have a little empathy- neither the student nor his parents would likely have been able to understand in advance how this applies socially at these schools. A family that can afford 70k a year has never felt/been treated as under class/ needy in their lives (at least not their recent lives). These upper middle class kids ends up needing to work/pinch pennies when neither the wealthy nor the poor students do. That is what he is reporting on and it’s understandable. It will work out, doesn’t make his educational choice a bad one or his parents fools etc.

I know a number of parents whose kids refused to pay the parents plus loans they took out for their kids. If OP’s kid does this, she will be paying the tuition plus interest on 25% of it.

OP, not your fault. Your DC will learn through this lesson. They will throw a tantrum once in a while. Ignore it. Not everything your kid says needs to be taken seriously. Btw, I can totally see my DC complaining about spend money, but I’ve realized they’re not as mature as I thought. Lol. I’ve learnt to put my foot down when necessary even though “all their friends are doing it”.
P.S. I’m in the camp that find 400k for undergrad stupid, but what’s done is done in your case.

Anonymous wrote:This is a troll.

He can't take out more than 5700 per year in loans in his own name. Any more after that, it's a private loan you'd have to cosign for so it's your loan, too.

Did they change the law or something? I distinctly recall getting direct loans from my college plus the federal loans.

TBH this is why it doesn't make sense to go to an expensive private university if you aren't super wealthy or fairly broke. As an UMC person, I used to think my kids should go to any top private they could get into until I worked at one of the most expensive ones.

I realized it's either rich kids who have a lifestyle that doubles the cost (private workout studios, expensive dinners, trips, etc that the kids just think is the norm), or scholarship kids who the school is paying for.

Now I push the state flagship. It's a much better deal and there are all sorts of kids there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?

This is your fault.

1. MYOB about your kids roommate!
2. Who sends their kid to a $92,000 college that is insane.

He needs to transfer to a instate school and you need to pay him for your financial stupidity for getting him into this mess. What the hell is wrong with you?

Zero empathy for you zero.

He doesn't want to transdfer. He just wants his parents to pay the full freight like his trust fund friends get.

Anonymous wrote:DS is a freshman at his top choice, costing $92k/year. It’s a very good school and we’re happy he’s there. He knew from the start we could only contribute $72k each year and he’d have to work for the rest and take loans. He knew this and was nervous about it but went ahead. Now that he’s at school he seems to feel duped. He has only met full ride kids who don’t pay a dime, or wealthy kids who don’t have to work or borrow. All of those kids have more money and time than him to go out, get take out, shop. His low income fullride roommate gets Starbucks and takeout every day. He feels really upset that we as parents somehow failed him because we can “afford” to pay the whole bill but don’t. (Of course we can’t afford to pay the full bill without compromising our retirement or tightening our belts to the point of absurdity. We already live frugally). We are going to have a serious chat with him about this but has anyone been in this situation? Any advice?

If you are paying full freight, his "top choice" better be a top 10-20 school.

Anonymous wrote:Op let kid bite off more than they can chew. Earning 15k per year is tough. Anticipate potential impact on grades.

-i worked way too much in college and my grades and participation in clubs absolutely suffered.

Same. I would have been better off at my state flagship. A 17 year old does not understand the impact of student loans.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just really curious how anyone comes to the conclusion that any bachelors degree is worth $400,000.

Exactly! It’s just undergrad!

Tell that to the like 80+ colleges that cost that much.

I won’t tell them, my kids just won’t go there. It makes no sense.

I would much rather give my kids a $200,000 head start to buy property, travel the world, get their retirement going, etc. The ROI of OP’s kid’s degree is gonna be next to nothing.

Can DS find lucrative summer internships to cover the cost gap?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m just really curious how anyone comes to the conclusion that any bachelors degree is worth $400,000.

Exactly! It’s just undergrad!

Tell that to the like 80+ colleges that cost that much.