Op you have a Failson.
Given his age & yours doubt you will be around to see him make a change for the better.

You better come to terms with it.

He needs to go for a walk with the dog 🐕 twice a day and walk the neighbors dogs every single day for 2 weeks in a row.
Then start his business about dog walking. It’s an excellent therapy. He walk all the dogs around the 5 square mile from home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

Pay enough for what? Sitting home slugging brewskies playing video games?

Anything more than zero is more than he’s making now. Or scratch that, YOU are paying him to sit around. Why would he leave. 37? Never should have moved in without already having ANY job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Make him get a job and go on antidepressants. Do not enable and coddle him.

Agree. He needs to clean up after himself, dishes, laundry, make dinner, help with yard work, etc.

Most of all he needs those antidepressants, first - so he can start finding a job and get back on his feet.

Disagree. Many on antidepressants have thought of suicide. Don't make the problem worse.

He needs to exercise daily & he needs to get a job.

Many people who NEED antidepressants have thoughts of suicide. There can be increased risk when going on SSRIs, and they titrate doses and monitor response.

If clinical depression is severe enough, a person may not be capable of more than the most minimal tasks--i.e. getting dressed or brushing teeth can be a major accomplishment.

At 30 I was living with my parents, unemployed, and I could just barely manage to make myself shower once a week (although I did get dressed every day). A few times I had to drag myself out of the house for major family events (like my sister's wedding and christmas) but I was still in this depressive fog with the constant drumbeat of thinking I needed to end my life (never made an actual attempt). And this was with meds and therapy throughout--lasted a full year. Had a severe relapse (more anxiety-driven that time) that also lasted months many years later. Yes, employment absolutely was part of recovery, but sort of like having surgery on a broken ankle is part of recovery--it's a slow, painful process.

Take him on vacation to a country you need a visa to go to.

Tell him flight home is at 12 noon on last day of trip. Go out to dinner without him on last night go straight to airport with his passport and ID and leave the country.

It is their problem now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. His wife wanted children and my son was not ready as he doesn’t have his career figured out. She’d be sad and they’d get into arguments every weekend when he’d call me to complain and vent.

To answer your earlier question, he was employed at two companies doing risk consulting and he did not enjoy it; long hours and little pay. He burned out and quit.

As a 40 year old woman who went to Georgetown and works in risk consulting and just made partner with a one year old, your son is a total loser. Not even up for debate, he sucks and you failed. He didn't like it and burned out? Twice? Weak sauce. He's a child who probably can't network and doesn't get why his wife would want a kid and instead runs to mommy to complain and vent? And has now been unemployed 3 years? This is so completely pathetic I can barely believe it's real. "Hardest worker and a good boy" he's a friggin' Norman Bates capital L loser.

Ma’am PREACH!

Your son sounds like a loser, and that has nothing to do with his inability to get a job in his field as I understand the job market sucks especially for specialized roles like ‘European studies’. I don’t understand why you are enabling this. Can you afford to fund some sort of job retraining? In all seriousness, if sh!t hits the fan with my job/industry I plan on going to community college and getting some sort of healthcare cert or degree, like CNA or ultrasound tech. What about that? I think the local unions are hiring as well. Others have mentioned USPS and substitute teaching. I have found that once I’ve had a job, unexpected options tend to appear that help get me more towards what I ‘want to do’.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a 40 year old woman who went to Georgetown and works in risk consulting and just made partner with a one year old, your son is a total loser. Not even up for debate, he sucks and you failed. He didn't like it and burned out? Twice? Weak sauce. He's a child who probably can't network and doesn't get why his wife would want a kid and instead runs to mommy to complain and vent? And has now been unemployed 3 years? This is so completely pathetic I can barely believe it's real. "Hardest worker and a good boy" he's a friggin' Norman Bates capital L loser.

WOW. This is crazy hostile. Why take the time to type out such vitriol.

+1. She resents the heck out of anyone who isn't as miserable as her.

Seriously! He is just choosing an alternative lifestyle. Maybe he's not meant for the grind. Who cares if he would rather be supported by mom and wants to stay home and drink all day, sounds kind of nice.

It sounds like OP (his mom) cares…as would you or really anyone with an adult kid.

Eh, she seems fully committed to the dynamic and narrative and combative against anyone who challenges these choices so that care is pretty abstract and meaningless. Sounds like a good fit for the two of them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a 40 year old woman who went to Georgetown and works in risk consulting and just made partner with a one year old, your son is a total loser. Not even up for debate, he sucks and you failed. He didn't like it and burned out? Twice? Weak sauce. He's a child who probably can't network and doesn't get why his wife would want a kid and instead runs to mommy to complain and vent? And has now been unemployed 3 years? This is so completely pathetic I can barely believe it's real. "Hardest worker and a good boy" he's a friggin' Norman Bates capital L loser.

WOW. This is crazy hostile. Why take the time to type out such vitriol.

+1. She resents the heck out of anyone who isn't as miserable as her.

Seriously! He is just choosing an alternative lifestyle. Maybe he's not meant for the grind. Who cares if he would rather be supported by mom and wants to stay home and drink all day, sounds kind of nice.

It sounds like OP (his mom) cares…as would you or really anyone with an adult kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell him starting December 1 he needs to start paying $1,000 in rent to you each month. The idea he's too old to get a job is ridiculous! Go work at Costco or Trader Joe's. He just can't get what kind of job he WANTS. He needs to get over his ego. Time for tough love.

This advice is cracking me up. Do you have ANY idea how sought after retail jobs at Costco are? He’s never, ever getting hired there.

I don't know the answer to your question holistically, but my 20 year old nephew applied to work at Costco and was immediately contacted and hired. No prior retail experience. Took like 3 weeks from applying to getting hired.

He was willing to work over all the holidays which he said is something important to Costco. Also, I would imagine Costco looks more favorably on a 20 year old without college who looks like someone that will stick around vs. a 37 year old with a Masters who seems like he is just biding time.

Sure, perhaps they get hired, but then they get about 12 to 24 hours per week. Definitely not a full time job.

He works 40 hours…Costco is a great employer. My sister is hopeful he will eventually take advantage of college benefits once he qualifies, but is also encouraged that you can rise through a store and make good $$$s if you become a store manager (like $300k).

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He says with his education he cannot obtain employment in the private sector as he is not a business major. And he doesn’t want to work at non profits as they don’t pay enough.

Pay enough for what? Sitting home slugging brewskies playing video games?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. He has a masters degree from Georgetown and wanted to go to one of the Fed agencies. He was not able to get in and has been trying different things. Most recently he attempted self employment and became discouraged when his work dried up. He was also in an abusive marriage where his wife was upset with him for lot being ready to have children which also brought him down I think.

He feels very depressed and doesn’t know how to obtain gainful employment and thinks he is too old now.

That does not qualify as an "abusive marriage".

What type/subject area is his master's degree ?

FWIW Lots of well educated individuals work at low level jobs (think Starbucks/Walmart/Home Depot/Lowes/tutoring students) in order to get into the workforce and earn money. Everyone has to start somewhere.

This is outdated, wrong advice. The job market is awful (yea, even for low level
jobs). These places aren’t hiring people either advanced degrees from Georgetown (who they know won’t stay). All applications are done online and AI scans them for *recent* retail experience. None? You don’t even get an interview.

Not true. We are hiring in Georgetown without any experience. Walk in or send a resume. We need about 10 new workers and this is a small business.
My 18-year old got hired in VA right after interview and works 10-hours shifts at times.
My best friend goes back to her old customer service job as they can't find workers.

My stepson is looking for a job - would you mind telling who is hiring in Georgetown?

Go indeed.com, enter 20007, Founding Farmers came up for now. Also, it's ok to walk into a restaurant during the week between lunch and dinner with a resume.
Restaurants have to renew the advertising all the time and they may miss a few days. Just because it's not up on indeed for few days, doesn't mean they are not hiring.
We have workers, but they are on the phones often or disappear during their shift. We would like to change them out. They have got so many warnings, but nothing has changed. We cannot let them go, because then we would have nobody.

Your son is a loser who will never make any thing of his life.

What a waste.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a 40 year old woman who went to Georgetown and works in risk consulting and just made partner with a one year old, your son is a total loser. Not even up for debate, he sucks and you failed. He didn't like it and burned out? Twice? Weak sauce. He's a child who probably can't network and doesn't get why his wife would want a kid and instead runs to mommy to complain and vent? And has now been unemployed 3 years? This is so completely pathetic I can barely believe it's real. "Hardest worker and a good boy" he's a friggin' Norman Bates capital L loser.

WOW. This is crazy hostile. Why take the time to type out such vitriol.

+1. She resents the heck out of anyone who isn't as miserable as her.

Seriously! He is just choosing an alternative lifestyle. Maybe he's not meant for the grind. Who cares if he would rather be supported by mom and wants to stay home and drink all day, sounds kind of nice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

As a 40 year old woman who went to Georgetown and works in risk consulting and just made partner with a one year old, your son is a total loser. Not even up for debate, he sucks and you failed. He didn't like it and burned out? Twice? Weak sauce. He's a child who probably can't network and doesn't get why his wife would want a kid and instead runs to mommy to complain and vent? And has now been unemployed 3 years? This is so completely pathetic I can barely believe it's real. "Hardest worker and a good boy" he's a friggin' Norman Bates capital L loser.

WOW. This is crazy hostile. Why take the time to type out such vitriol.

+1. She resents the heck out of anyone who isn't as miserable as her.