Anonymous wrote:For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

However, in most "western caucasian cultures", there are no strings attached. Unlike the asian focused cultures you describe where the parental help comes with major strings attached---those parents fully expect their kids to take 100% care of them as they age....and that means at home with one or more of the kids, with you being at their beck and call. So it's not just "out of the goodness of their heart" typically

For all of those who speak negatively about OP, helping kids buying their house is a very common thing in many other cultures, especially in non-Caucasian, less developed countries. Even middle class or lower-middle class parents in those countries would do whatever they can to save up at least some money and help their kids buy their first house.

It's a very Western Caucasian thing for middle class parents to completely leave their kids on their own when it comes to buying their first house. I guess it's because less developed countries don't have a social safety net like Section 8 vouchers, strong tenants protection, as well as readily available 30-year fixed rate mortgage with only 3-5% down payment.

- Signed, an immigrant from 3rd world country where most parents from lower-middle class and above would provide some financial help to their kids for house purchase.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

But not always. We freely give to our kids. Only requirement is they still have a job (single no kids so that's a given at this point). And that they don't waste it on very high end stuff (by that I mean a $100k vehicle--we are wealthy and haven't spent that much ourselves. We offered to make last car a luxury one for them and they didn't want more than a Honda)

But there are not any other string or manipulation attached. We offer to take them on vacations with us (including sig others as well). It is their choice to join or not--we will try to adjust timing of trips if needed so all can come. But it s not a requirement.

So far they always come, as who doesn't want an all expenses trip to Europe or a warm island with luxury accommodations.

But if they don't want to come that is fine

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Is it nice? That’s debatable. There is often a lot of toxicity attached. Controlling parents, personality disorders in parents and/or children.

Anonymous wrote:I remember when I finished college thinking that I was finally on an equal playing field with all the rich kids. Right? Because you either got the high paying job or you didn’t. Life was finally a meritocracy, and I, the middle class kid of color was finally on their level.

Let’s all laugh together now. 🫠

By the time my peer group was getting married in our late 20s/ early 30s, I realized that I would likely *never* catch up to the sheer engine of generational wealth. My peers were being funded weddings, down payments, and as several people have said here, private school tuition and nannies. It was honestly a good lesson for me to finally stop comparing myself to people who came from very different means.

Yes, stop comparing. But also realize, you can achieve that for your future generations. We came from MC families, I was on food stamps a few times in my life (and got free lunches at schools---was told to eat up as that was my main meal for the day when times were tight). Graduated college, got married to someone who also wasn't given anything---together we had $80K in college debt (back in early 90s). Now we had good jobs---but part of that is we were STEM/engineering majors. We focused on paying off that debt ASAP, living in 1 bedroom adequate place for a few years and used 2nd salary for debt and saving for a home. While our friends would go out for lunch or eat it in the company cafeteria, we packed our lunch 9 out of 10 days. Every little bit helps.
Then we kept living frugally until we were well set with a 1 year emergency fund, and started working towards being able to buy next car with cash. All of our "vacations" were driving for 3-4 days (so within 3-4 hours) and very basic.
While our friends flew to "fun places" and spent triple what we spent.

Now we are doing well and our kids have all the advantages in life, and so will their kids. Because of our work and their work (they both have great jobs in different fields)

PP - Oh, and I’m not bitter, so it’s true acceptance. We all have advantages and disadvantages in this world. I was born to really great parents, am healthy, have a great marriage, and have work that I truly enjoy. That’s priceless.

Gift your kids those down payments. I would do the same if I could.

I remember when I finished college thinking that I was finally on an equal playing field with all the rich kids. Right? Because you either got the high paying job or you didn’t. Life was finally a meritocracy, and I, the middle class kid of color was finally on their level.

Let’s all laugh together now. 🫠

By the time my peer group was getting married in our late 20s/ early 30s, I realized that I would likely *never* catch up to the sheer engine of generational wealth. My peers were being funded weddings, down payments, and as several people have said here, private school tuition and nannies. It was honestly a good lesson for me to finally stop comparing myself to people who came from very different means.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

My parents are in their 80s and have accumulated a nice amount of wealth and they are giving their 5 grandchildren money for a DownPayment- They are planning about 300k per child.

This is what my in-laws did. They left $250k per grandchild in a trust, outside of what they left DH. My kids' trusts are now worth $400k in their early 20s. DH has told them the balance and that they should use it toward a home purchase. They have gotten cars from us, and we will pay toward their weddings when the time comes.

Anonymous wrote:People here really love to humble brag about their wealth. Tone deaf, especially when so many people are struggling right now.

This.
OP - Go speak to an accountant or
Whichever child of yours you’re assisting
Or better yet your spouse.

My parents bought my older brother a car when he graduated from college. When I graduated 3 years later, they offered me the same, I said I'd like to have the cash to pay for down payment on an apt instead. I got a roommate whose rent helped pay for the apt. I then sold that for a profit, used that new bigger pile of money to buy a more expensive apt in CA where I was relocating to for work. I repeated that several times, eventually trading up to a 7 figure home because during all these years, I didn't have to pay rent. It all started because my parents gave me the downpayment and cosign for me to buy a $90k apt when I was 22.

Anonymous wrote:Has anyone done this or are planning to? How much? We’re thinking of giving 100k to each kid. College is already done and paid for. Does 100k help enough or should we give more?

such a dumb question. There is no “how much”. some parents give $10 some give 1M. Your “how much” is specific to your financial situation, your kids financial situation, and your family values.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

My parents are in their 80s and have accumulated a nice amount of wealth and they are giving their 5 grandchildren money for a DownPayment- They are planning about 300k per child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

+1

While we didnt' receive help, and most of our friends did not (we were LMC/MC so our parents were done after college as they had to focus on retirement as they should have done), most UMC+ will help their kids. Just like we will pay for college and grad school and weddings, we will help with a downpayment because we can afford to.

Anonymous wrote:This board is insane sometimes. Idk a single person whose parents helped them buy a house

In my experience, it is pretty common in affluent suburb to have parents that help with the down payment.

It's a nice thing to be able to help you kids, and then they will pass it on to help their kids. It provides a nice cushion in life.

Even if you did not experience that, you can try to start the tradition for your kids.

Giving our only child a small condo we bought as an investment 20 years ago and is now paid off - worth about 350k. It's in a great, walkable area but is old and not very luxurious. They can live there, keep it as an investment property, or sell it and put the money toward another property.