Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 07:43     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:I have been on the apps on and off since I separated from my STBXH. I am looking to gently dip a toe in dating and…it’s not going well!

My stats:

5’0 118lbs
Brunette with nice skin and classic style
UVA grad making 130k
I am told I am quite pretty and sweet. I have no idea why I’m receiving no matches!

It is very demoralizing.


Please don't listen to some of the guys on here, I would expect you would be getting more matches as well. I am 41, 5'10" and am getting tons of matches and dates. For me you are a bit below my height range, but if you had something in your profile that really stood out I would be more interested. For me at least, I agree with others, please don't put photos with kids on or at least put in there that you love kids and it is your niece. Also what are you putting as your career? I'm looking for a partner not someone to support. So I am sorry for any nurses or teachers out there you are competing with lawyers, engineers, doctors, directors etc. Lastly, are you fully filling out your profile? There are hundreds of 38F profiles so you need to stand out.

For other photo advice, I can say that every woman seems to take the same 6 photos so if you can show a bit more personality that would help. I always see: holding a class of wine, hugging a dog (same three breeds), photo hiking (great falls or skyline), photo with group of friends that makes me question where you are. All of my best dates have been with someone with a really great/unusual photo and something in their profile that is bold and showed real personality
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 07:07     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How did you set your filters

What do your photos look like

What does your profile say


My filters are:

Must have undergrad and/or graduate degree
Height: 5’9 - 6’4
Open to children
Distance: 30 miles

I have recent photos from my trip in Europe; full body shots of me sight seeing; a picture of me with my niece; picture of me in a dress on the beach


Are you in DC? The men here are short. Change your parameters to include shorter guys. I am five eight and dating someone my height. There aren't many men above fine nine or so. It's weird.


DC is more diverse eg many men with Hispanic and Asian parents
In Midwest men are taller but also overweight. OP needs to go to Norway or Montenegro to date.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 07:04     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP ignore the trolls on here calling you fat or saying you should be open to men who have only graduated from HS. This is idiotic. And they are trolling you anyway. I am only 5’3, dated a lot when I was younger and never dated a man under 6 feet. I’m not attracted at all to short men. That’s just the way it is. Some men may not be attracted to me bc I am short? That’s their prerogative. You have to decide what your priorities are. Attraction was one for me. If you are open to dating shorter men you will increase the pool of candidates so consider doing that. If you want to be a mother more than you care about your partner’s education level then you can change that filter too but honestly that’s a reasonable criteria to have. Although the outliers like Bill Gates, Zuck etc never graduated from college. I think your issue may be the photo of the niece. Pedos may be interested but others will stay away bc it isn’t clear whether she is your child and they may not be interested in getting into a stepparent situation. Change that picture and the height filter and see if you get more hits. Also have an honest friend critique your profile! Good luck! And of course never ever get back together with your cheating ex!!! There are worse things than being single!


Did you measure their height? Just curious. 6 feet is really tall just saying. Im 6'2 and women are just clueless about height I'm sorry but it's true. One guy I know is 5'11 but his gf thinks he is the same height as me.


Yea, the PP woman is clueless. I’m 5’8 and 6’ men feel too tall and they need to bend to kiss me. I dated and married men in 5’9-5’11 range . My son is 6’3 he’s towering over me. I can’t imagine him dating a 5’3 woman that would be comically weird
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 06:36     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50s, put up two very casual photos a few years ago when I was bored, and had tons of matches pretty quickly, so either your profile description is boring or off putting in some way (any plenty of people here have pointed out some red flags), the algorithm hasn't taken hold, you've landed in dating purgatory where what you want doesn't exist on the open market, or energetically it's just not time yet. Maybe wait until you're completely divorced to try again, and in the meantime join some new groups/try some new hobbies.


50s is better than 38 because men are sure you are not looking for kids. 37-40 are impossible because men who want kids think that age is on the older side to get to know someone, get engaged and then get married. And men who don't want kids think women in that age group are still fertile and actually want kids even when these women say they are flexible.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 05:49     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:OP ignore the trolls on here calling you fat or saying you should be open to men who have only graduated from HS. This is idiotic. And they are trolling you anyway. I am only 5’3, dated a lot when I was younger and never dated a man under 6 feet. I’m not attracted at all to short men. That’s just the way it is. Some men may not be attracted to me bc I am short? That’s their prerogative. You have to decide what your priorities are. Attraction was one for me. If you are open to dating shorter men you will increase the pool of candidates so consider doing that. If you want to be a mother more than you care about your partner’s education level then you can change that filter too but honestly that’s a reasonable criteria to have. Although the outliers like Bill Gates, Zuck etc never graduated from college. I think your issue may be the photo of the niece. Pedos may be interested but others will stay away bc it isn’t clear whether she is your child and they may not be interested in getting into a stepparent situation. Change that picture and the height filter and see if you get more hits. Also have an honest friend critique your profile! Good luck! And of course never ever get back together with your cheating ex!!! There are worse things than being single!


Did you measure their height? Just curious. 6 feet is really tall just saying. Im 6'2 and women are just clueless about height I'm sorry but it's true. One guy I know is 5'11 but his gf thinks he is the same height as me.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:49     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
The photo with your niece might make guys think you have a kid.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:48     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How did you set your filters

What do your photos look like

What does your profile say


My filters are:

Must have undergrad and/or graduate degree
Height: 5’9 - 6’4
Open to children
Distance: 30 miles

I have recent photos from my trip in Europe; full body shots of me sight seeing; a picture of me with my niece; picture of me in a dress on the beach


Are you in DC? The men here are short. Change your parameters to include shorter guys. I am five eight and dating someone my height. There aren't many men above fine nine or so. It's weird.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:46     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Have a couple friends look at your profile. Maybe a guy friend or a friend's husband, too.

Honestly, 38 is HARD. I was surprised to learn that after I turned 41 or so, I actually got MORE interest on online dating. So, don't think you will be alone forever. Forty is not a dating death sentence.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:42     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote: I am only 5’3, dated a lot when I was younger and never dated a man under 6 feet. I’m not attracted at all to short men. That’s just the way it is. Some men may not be attracted to me bc I am short?


The median height for adult women in the US is 5'3. You're not short.

5'0 is short.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:28     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wow white beauty standards are crazy. I was today years old when I learned I'm not "slim."

5'3. 135 lbs.

I'm slim and toned since I work out a lot but most of my weight is in my thighs/booty.

Anyway, OP ignore the people trying to make you look like a stick. Your weight is fine.


Be honest with yourself. 135 at 5’3 is large. I’m 135 at 5’8 average to thin, but not skinny.



Wtf is wrong with you?

I’m a 5’3” hourglass size 6. I work out and lift. I’m a 34DD. I would never claim to be “skinny,” nor would I want to be!

But I sure as shit am not “large”

Keep in mind that there are more body types than just yours.


You are nearly clinically overweight based on BMI.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:20     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
OP ignore the trolls on here calling you fat or saying you should be open to men who have only graduated from HS. This is idiotic. And they are trolling you anyway. I am only 5’3, dated a lot when I was younger and never dated a man under 6 feet. I’m not attracted at all to short men. That’s just the way it is. Some men may not be attracted to me bc I am short? That’s their prerogative. You have to decide what your priorities are. Attraction was one for me. If you are open to dating shorter men you will increase the pool of candidates so consider doing that. If you want to be a mother more than you care about your partner’s education level then you can change that filter too but honestly that’s a reasonable criteria to have. Although the outliers like Bill Gates, Zuck etc never graduated from college. I think your issue may be the photo of the niece. Pedos may be interested but others will stay away bc it isn’t clear whether she is your child and they may not be interested in getting into a stepparent situation. Change that picture and the height filter and see if you get more hits. Also have an honest friend critique your profile! Good luck! And of course never ever get back together with your cheating ex!!! There are worse things than being single!
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:08     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You're short and fat. And you won't date short men. And the tall men can do waaaaay better. I can't believe you didn't figure this out on your own.


OP is slim. The rest is true.


OP is not slim. She is average, which is fine. Men looking for very thin women won’t be interested.


She's fat. My wife is 5 ft 1 and 108 and she is normal.


Why do you track your wife’s weight? That’s straight up weird.
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:06     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the problem is the height. I think the issue is being 38 and looking for someone open to having kids. I don’t know, but I would imagine that most men who are looking for someone who wants kids would set their age range younger.

I understand that if you want kids, then you want to say that out front.


I don't know. I'm 40F, also want kids, and am on Hinge (recently divorced from first marriage, no kids) and I've had plenty of matches. Now, actual compatibility is a separate issue, but I've had no issues getting first dates and even 2nd dates.


Are you still single?
Anonymous
Post 09/03/2025 00:01     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
Anonymous wrote:I'm in my 50s, put up two very casual photos a few years ago when I was bored, and had tons of matches pretty quickly, so either your profile description is boring or off putting in some way (any plenty of people here have pointed out some red flags), the algorithm hasn't taken hold, you've landed in dating purgatory where what you want doesn't exist on the open market, or energetically it's just not time yet. Maybe wait until you're completely divorced to try again, and in the meantime join some new groups/try some new hobbies.


If granny can get tractions on OLD then OP really need to step up
Anonymous
Post 09/02/2025 23:35     Subject: 38F - OLD apps: not getting any matches
I'm in my 50s, put up two very casual photos a few years ago when I was bored, and had tons of matches pretty quickly, so either your profile description is boring or off putting in some way (any plenty of people here have pointed out some red flags), the algorithm hasn't taken hold, you've landed in dating purgatory where what you want doesn't exist on the open market, or energetically it's just not time yet. Maybe wait until you're completely divorced to try again, and in the meantime join some new groups/try some new hobbies.