Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like dcurbanmom has hit a new low today between this thread and the sorority video one. I’m a parent, not my kid’s friend. I don’t buy alcohol, condoms, or share videos of scantily dressed rear shaking. I’m no prude but that’s just not how I see my role. And for those of you who supply alcohol to underage kids, especially high school, you are legally liable if anything happens. Be the adult.

Agree with you for everything except buying condoms. I did all I could to educate my kids, but if they choose to have sex I want them to have safe sex...so they know I will fund condoms or anything else they need. But the rest is theirs to figure out. I'm not hosting HS drinking parties...then again, all 3 of my kids survived HS without drinking (yes I know it is true)...they were not the type to attend parties like that. They had a good group of friends and most did not drink. Those that did did so with other groups (who liked to drink). It is possible to get thru HS without a kid drinking much or any. And those kids can also be "popular" and happy.

Agree! And I will admit that I’ve wavered on the condoms. There’s just a part of me that feels like you should be responsible enough to buy your own condoms if you’re having sex. But the costs are pretty damn high if they are not so I will ponder some more.

Schools offer condoms free all over the place. They are very easy to get in college without buying them.

Many kids are uncomfortable asking for that especially if they are new to having sex. Also they might now be accessible when the need arises unexpectedly. Every responsible parent should be packing condoms.

The need? It’s not a need, it’s a desire. I asked my kid about this on our Target run yesterday. He said, omg, mom, I’ll buy my own, who has their mommy buy them condoms? Also, I’m not the one packing.

Condoms are a need when your kid is hooking up and Target isn’t open at midnight. If you don’t buy them there is a 50/50 chance your kid is having unprotected sex.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like dcurbanmom has hit a new low today between this thread and the sorority video one. I’m a parent, not my kid’s friend. I don’t buy alcohol, condoms, or share videos of scantily dressed rear shaking. I’m no prude but that’s just not how I see my role. And for those of you who supply alcohol to underage kids, especially high school, you are legally liable if anything happens. Be the adult.

Agree with you for everything except buying condoms. I did all I could to educate my kids, but if they choose to have sex I want them to have safe sex...so they know I will fund condoms or anything else they need. But the rest is theirs to figure out. I'm not hosting HS drinking parties...then again, all 3 of my kids survived HS without drinking (yes I know it is true)...they were not the type to attend parties like that. They had a good group of friends and most did not drink. Those that did did so with other groups (who liked to drink). It is possible to get thru HS without a kid drinking much or any. And those kids can also be "popular" and happy.

Agree! And I will admit that I’ve wavered on the condoms. There’s just a part of me that feels like you should be responsible enough to buy your own condoms if you’re having sex. But the costs are pretty damn high if they are not so I will ponder some more.

Schools offer condoms free all over the place. They are very easy to get in college without buying them.

Many kids are uncomfortable asking for that especially if they are new to having sex. Also they might now be accessible when the need arises unexpectedly. Every responsible parent should be packing condoms.

The need? It’s not a need, it’s a desire. I asked my kid about this on our Target run yesterday. He said, omg, mom, I’ll buy my own, who has their mommy buy them condoms? Also, I’m not the one packing.

That would be a hell no from me.

Anonymous wrote:I don't support unhealthy habits. Period. At any age.

Do you consider hook up oral sex an unhealthy habit?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are picking up 3 cases of beer for my DS. But I guess I’m in the minority of parents. I was also the one who signed on the beach week house and have hosted small gatherings at my house. Guess what, my kid also trusts me to tell me stuff. Sure it’s unorthodox but I’d rather my DS have the trust to tell me if he’s in trouble or needs advice than not. And FWIW, I bought him condoms and plan B too. (Saves him the $50).

the ol "I'd rather have my kids drink with their friends at my house than out where they have to drive home" argument, conveniently forgetting every other kid has to drive home.

And undoubtedly not getting permission from the other kids’ parents.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like dcurbanmom has hit a new low today between this thread and the sorority video one. I’m a parent, not my kid’s friend. I don’t buy alcohol, condoms, or share videos of scantily dressed rear shaking. I’m no prude but that’s just not how I see my role. And for those of you who supply alcohol to underage kids, especially high school, you are legally liable if anything happens. Be the adult.

Agree with you for everything except buying condoms. I did all I could to educate my kids, but if they choose to have sex I want them to have safe sex...so they know I will fund condoms or anything else they need. But the rest is theirs to figure out. I'm not hosting HS drinking parties...then again, all 3 of my kids survived HS without drinking (yes I know it is true)...they were not the type to attend parties like that. They had a good group of friends and most did not drink. Those that did did so with other groups (who liked to drink). It is possible to get thru HS without a kid drinking much or any. And those kids can also be "popular" and happy.

Agree! And I will admit that I’ve wavered on the condoms. There’s just a part of me that feels like you should be responsible enough to buy your own condoms if you’re having sex. But the costs are pretty damn high if they are not so I will ponder some more.

Schools offer condoms free all over the place. They are very easy to get in college without buying them.

Many kids are uncomfortable asking for that especially if they are new to having sex. Also they might now be accessible when the need arises unexpectedly. Every responsible parent should be packing condoms.

Anonymous wrote:We are picking up 3 cases of beer for my DS. But I guess I’m in the minority of parents. I was also the one who signed on the beach week house and have hosted small gatherings at my house. Guess what, my kid also trusts me to tell me stuff. Sure it’s unorthodox but I’d rather my DS have the trust to tell me if he’s in trouble or needs advice than not. And FWIW, I bought him condoms and plan B too. (Saves him the $50).

the ol "I'd rather have my kids drink with their friends at my house than out where they have to drive home" argument, conveniently forgetting every other kid has to drive home.

How many condoms did everyone pick for DD or DS?

We let our kids have wine with dinner when they were under age, but we did not buy them alcohol in college. My DS just came from an internship in Germany (where drinking age is 16) and he said the foreign students (i.e., Americans) frequently got smashed. I think you can offer healthy ways to handle alcohol, but it really is up to the kid to follow your lead. We did not want alcohol to be a mystery for our kids, but we also wanted to teach them about its limits (and how to set your own). I think in some ways, buying them alcohol pushes beyond that limit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. What a weird question. I don’t know anyone that would do this.

Same. What decent parent buys alcohol for a 17 yr old?!

One who loves them enough to keep them from seeking out older frat guys to help them procure the booze they're going to drink anyway?

So instead of teaching her not to get drunk with strange men, you give her alcohol so she is already wasted by the time she gets to the frat party? What a way to set her up for success.

You’re entirely missing the point of mixing your own drink at home and taking it out with you.

Nope. Just weed and shrooms. “Fat drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.”

We will let our kids order a drink when we are traveling and drinking age is 18 and have let them have a drink with us at home from time to time. But no, we would not stock them up with alcohol at drop off. They can find their own trouble.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No all the freshman have fake ID's why would they need me to buy alcohol?

I was going to say the same thing.

What's interesting is that people are outraged simply because the US has a 21 drinking age.

You may decline, but I don't think anyone would be reacting as much if the question was "did you buy your student alcohol when you dropped them off at Oxford?" At the least, the reactions may be more along the lines that they can use their own money for that.

I will be dropping my DC off at a school in another country (not Oxford and not the UK) where the drinking age is 18 and it has never occurred to me to buy her alcohol for her dorm room. That's what the pub/neighborhood bar/student union is for -- to go out for a drink and meet fellow students.

But I doubt you would care if she threw a bottle of wine in the shopping cart at the grocery store.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are picking up 3 cases of beer for my DS. But I guess I’m in the minority of parents. I was also the one who signed on the beach week house and have hosted small gatherings at my house. Guess what, my kid also trusts me to tell me stuff. Sure it’s unorthodox but I’d rather my DS have the trust to tell me if he’s in trouble or needs advice than not. And FWIW, I bought him condoms and plan B too. (Saves him the $50).

Did you discuss what you would serve at your "small gatherings " with the parents of the underage kids, before serving them alcohol in your house?

You do know that there are studies that demonstrate that permissive parenting like what you do leads to negative outcomes, don't you?

What I've learned is to not take a single day for granted. I have full trust in my kids to be kind and respectful. I have an older kid in college who calls and texts me all the time. What negative outcomes could possibly occur?

Have you ever considered what negative outcomes could occur from providing alcohol to your underage kids and their friends?

Or did you stop doing research after figuring out which car seat was the best?

Here you go:

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6521692/

" ... Varvil-Weld and colleagues (2012), using longitudinal methods, observed that students whose parents were pro-alcohol (permissive) were four times more likely to experience problematic consequences compared to students whose parents were anti-alcohol. Rulison and colleagues (2016) examined whether parental permissiveness of drinking was directly related with alcohol use and consequences or mediated through perceived peer approval of risky drinking. The study found perceived friend approval of drinking mediated some outcomes such as alcohol use and health-based consequences; however, perceived parental permissiveness of drinking was directly related with other consequences including academic problems and driving after drinking. Finally, Calhoun et al. (2018) utilized a four-year within- and between-person longitudinal design and found that college students’ perceptions of their parents’ permissibility toward drinking increased across college. Interestingly, perceived permissibility remained associated with risky drinking behavior even as students approached the legal drinking age.

See also

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2716564/

"Results indicate that parental permissibility of alcohol use is a consistent predictor of teen drinking behaviors, which was strongly associated with experienced negative consequences. ...

Overall, results indicated that a parents’ permissive attitude toward alcohol use in late high school was a significant risk factor for teen alcohol misuse and associated consequences in college. Specifically, it appears that the limits parents set for their teens with regard to alcohol consumption are particularly important. Parents in this study who permitted relatively high levels of teen drinking in high school were more likely to have children who engaged in much riskier drinking behaviors than children whose parents permitted relatively low levels of teen drinking. This result appears to be fairly robust, as it was found even after accounting for the effects of gender and all other measured parenting characteristics. It is important to note that limit setting was shown to be important for both male and female college students. Further, the results of additional analyses on limit setting unequivocally showed that complete disapproval was more protective than approving of alcohol consumption at any level, as students with more permissive parents drank significantly more and experienced significantly more negative consequences associated with alcohol consumption.

In reference to recent pieces in the NY Times and Time Magazine (Asimov, 2008; Cloud, 2008), supporting parental endorsement of alcohol use in the home, findings from the current study do not support the notion that parental permissibility of alcohol use (even in small supervised amounts) is likely to reduce later (college) misuse. Proponents of the media created “European Drinking Model” believe that, by allowing their adolescents to drink in controlled environments, their teens will experience fewer negative consequences as the result of use during college. This approach is believed to remove the mystique of the forbidden fruit (alcohol use), thereby erasing the likelihood of misuse once exposed and away from parents. The current study found that parent permissibility was associated with higher drinking rates and experienced consequences for college teens than a strict policy of no underage use."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like dcurbanmom has hit a new low today between this thread and the sorority video one. I’m a parent, not my kid’s friend. I don’t buy alcohol, condoms, or share videos of scantily dressed rear shaking. I’m no prude but that’s just not how I see my role. And for those of you who supply alcohol to underage kids, especially high school, you are legally liable if anything happens. Be the adult.

Agree with you for everything except buying condoms. I did all I could to educate my kids, but if they choose to have sex I want them to have safe sex...so they know I will fund condoms or anything else they need. But the rest is theirs to figure out. I'm not hosting HS drinking parties...then again, all 3 of my kids survived HS without drinking (yes I know it is true)...they were not the type to attend parties like that. They had a good group of friends and most did not drink. Those that did did so with other groups (who liked to drink). It is possible to get thru HS without a kid drinking much or any. And those kids can also be "popular" and happy.

Agree! And I will admit that I’ve wavered on the condoms. There’s just a part of me that feels like you should be responsible enough to buy your own condoms if you’re having sex. But the costs are pretty damn high if they are not so I will ponder some more.

Schools offer condoms free all over the place. They are very easy to get in college without buying them.