My experience is that terrible kids (of successful parents) often become successful adults. I was a terrible kid bad grades, bad attitude and in trouble all the time. In college I (the one I barely got into) I was pretty successful - once got out I killed it in the working world by the time I was 26 I was making double what my Dad was making at The time. By the time I was 30 I was a married dad of 3 with a huge house in Potomac. Now at 50 I have a net worth that would blow my parents’ minds if I told them. I have a fantastic life. I have lots of friends who have the same story. In my opinion being a good kid means conforming to what others want from you but being a successful adult means going after what you want.

Anonymous wrote:It’s the genetic lottery. Sometimes patents can do everything right and have relatively good genes themselves (IQ is 50%+ genetic), but the kid struggles as an adult. Kids can get unlucky and randomly inherit a set of genes from each parent that confers a much cognitive abilities than either of their parents have.

People born with the highest IQs can be the biggest sociopaths . IQ is not the problem. Parents need to make sure their child has empathy, knowing right from wrong, is able to control impulses and learn to treat people kindly. Bullying behavior is a warning sign.

These are a whole more important in raising a healthy child and a future healthy adult. If the child has these positive traits and an IQ within normal range and a parent who doesn’t pressure them to be something they’re not they should be ok. But even so children can develop illnesses that is no fault of parent or child.

It’s the genetic lottery. Sometimes patents can do everything right and have relatively good genes themselves (IQ is 50%+ genetic), but the kid struggles as an adult. Kids can get unlucky and randomly inherit a set of genes from each parent that confers a much cognitive abilities than either of their parents have.

Anonymous wrote:Unimpressive kids to me, are adult children who can’t afford a nice car and only have a small house.

It’s more than that though.

What if the parents have both of those, but their kid can’t even get into a T20 ?

It’s not necessarily solely the parent’s influence. Look at the times we are living in and when are their faces not glued to a screen? Kids today are facing so many mental challenges that can affect their drive. Also peer groups can have a huge impact on shaping what they believe and who they grow up to be. They spend a good amount of time with their peers and at school.

Anonymous wrote:My kid is a genius and not motivated. Noth his Dad and I are type A so don't know how he managed to be type B.

Easy, he’s much smarter than you. Type As are always having to hustle to try to stay on top because it’s important to them even if they don’t have everything it takes they’ll do what needs to be done even if it kills them.

The smartest people don’t need to work so hard, they get to be chill because they’ll do just fine. Give me a type B anytime.

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Anonymous wrote:Parenting well is difficult and exhausting. It’s impossible to do it while pushing very hard in your career. People can get away with it if it’s only one parent who has a big career, or if they end up lucky with very easy to parent kids. But otherwise not.

Agree. And while you can outsource common parenting tasks (driving, cooking, cleaning, etc), you absolutely cannot outsource good parenting.

Even if you get very “good” kids in this situation, they may have difficult relationships with the parent. My friend was a pretty “good” kid but raised by the nanny (parents are an investment banking managing director and a biglaw partner). Very polite, very close to friends, very close to the nanny and grandparents, but difficult relationships with own parents.

If you consider killing terrorist a vice then I guess so. Two presidents thought he was a good person.

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Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Funny you say this. My mom had a friend who was very educated and well to do who had two nightmares of kids. Horribly horribly behaved in every way. Now one is a neurosurgeon and the other is an anesthesiologist.

Yep.

The kid with the worst behavior in my family ended up being an interventional radiologist!

Good jobs don’t mean they’re ok. Lots of people have good jobs and yet remain terrible people. That’s a bad metric.

Our son is a Navy S.E.A.L. out in CA. By almost any metric he is impressive, but whether he’s a good person is very situation specific.

Given that info- I’m sure he has some vices.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Funny you say this. My mom had a friend who was very educated and well to do who had two nightmares of kids. Horribly horribly behaved in every way. Now one is a neurosurgeon and the other is an anesthesiologist.

Yep.

The kid with the worst behavior in my family ended up being an interventional radiologist!

Good jobs don’t mean they’re ok. Lots of people have good jobs and yet remain terrible people. That’s a bad metric.

Our son is a Navy S.E.A.L. out in CA. By almost any metric he is impressive, but whether he’s a good person is very situation specific.

Unimpressive kids to me, are adult children who can’t afford a nice car and only have a small house.

My kid is a genius and not motivated. Noth his Dad and I are type A so don't know how he managed to be type B.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Funny you say this. My mom had a friend who was very educated and well to do who had two nightmares of kids. Horribly horribly behaved in every way. Now one is a neurosurgeon and the other is an anesthesiologist.

Yep.

The kid with the worst behavior in my family ended up being an interventional radiologist!

Good jobs don’t mean they’re ok. Lots of people have good jobs and yet remain terrible people. That’s a bad metric.

I don’t know - it means at the bare minimum that they had enough discipline to get through years of advanced education and get into a competitive career. It’s not a bad metric, but it’s not the only metric that matters.

Anonymous wrote:Usually the parents spend more time on their careers than with the children.

This!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have noticed many parents we know who are superstars in their fields have average/below average children. The kids are not motivated.

I wonder if they were born less intelligent or it is their upbringing.

We just spent the weekend with a family whose parents are some of the most intelligent kind people we know. Their kids are an absolute disaster in every way possible.

Funny you say this. My mom had a friend who was very educated and well to do who had two nightmares of kids. Horribly horribly behaved in every way. Now one is a neurosurgeon and the other is an anesthesiologist.

Yep.

The kid with the worst behavior in my family ended up being an interventional radiologist!

Good jobs don’t mean they’re ok. Lots of people have good jobs and yet remain terrible people. That’s a bad metric.