Anonymous wrote:Don't bother talking to them about it and trying to change their minds. People like this thrive on the conflict and don't care at all what you think. At all. It's sad but true. Let it play out how it plays out. I would gray rock the whole discussion, change the subject if it comes up, etc.

I'm on the other side and have had to just say to a couple of people, "I believe in childhood vaccines and you're not going to change my mind." And they are the same. You are not going to get anywhere, especially if their doctor failed at it. I knew one person who was persuaded by her doctor.

It's not your responsibility to save them.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like she’s an intelligent person who has done her research and formed her own opinion. I don’t see how it concerns you. If you’re scared of measles then vaccinate your own kids.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Whoa this thread exploded! I don't have time to respond to every comment but thank you to those who talked me down. I understand I can't control what my SIL and BIL do but it's hard not to be worried about the baby. My in laws live with them and are not in the best health so that is concerning. They have talked about moving for a variety of reasons but they are worried about the kids and who will take care of them since my in laws do most of the childcare. I don't want to go into it now because that's a whole other situation.

I removed her from my Facebook feed because she posts insane things so many times per day. I just took a look and now she is posting about dolphin water births and how dolphin sonar makes birth pain free and how the government is trying to control people's access to wild dolphins because they have secrets that they're trying to bring to humanity.

So yes, she is a crazy person and she has been for as long as I've known her so I know nothing I say will change her mind. She doesn't really talk about this stuff in person but she is active on a lot of online forums. I will stay out of it unless she asks for my opinion. I do want to have an answer prepared about why I vaccinated my daughter if it came up. I know my husband will talk to his brother about it so we'll see what happens there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your child die from SIDS?


Hers won’t.

No connection between SIDS and vaccines. All bs.

80% of SIDS cases have been vaccinated in the past week, usually in the past 2 days.

That simply because most babies get their vaccines.

Look at you, thinking anti-vaxxers understand the difference between correspondence and causation.

Generous of you, but that’s a science thing. They reject it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did your child die from SIDS?


Hers won’t.

No connection between SIDS and vaccines. All bs.

80% of SIDS cases have been vaccinated in the past week, usually in the past 2 days.

That simply because most babies get their vaccines.

Anonymous wrote:To the people who say it's not OP's business, it is VERY much her business if she or her family catches whatever preventable virus this child may give them. If Grandpa catches something and has a complication and a debilitating stroke, who is going to look after him? OP and spouse?

The presence of unvaccinated family members creates complications within the family and are therefore very much everyone's problem.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL is not a Trump supporter, but she is a big RFK Jr. supporter, to the point that she told me she was happy Trump was elected because he appointed him as head of HHS. She’s been posting a lot of anti-vaccination stuff on Facebook, along with other bananas things like people having conversations with AI about how there’s land on Earth “beyond the ancestral ice wall” that humans don’t know about.

She and my BIL had their fourth baby a little less than three months ago. My husband and I just found out from my MIL that my SIL refused to give the baby her two-month vaccinations and says she won’t be giving her any vaccines at all in the future. The pediatrician, who treated my husband, his brother, and all the nieces and nephews, is livid and refuses to keep baby #4 as a patient anymore. I’m not sure what’s happening with the other three kids.

My BIL would have vaccinated the baby but basically does whatever SIL says and told us he doesn’t really care. MIL and FIL are worried about measles but otherwise seem like they’re not too concerned. I think she’s an idiot for many reasons, but I’ve always been cordial with her. My husband is furious. We just went through a measles scare at our daughter’s daycare, and it’s incredibly upsetting that she’s being so careless with her child’s health—and with the health of others.

We’re visiting for a family event in a few weeks, and I’m not sure what to do. My husband wants to have a family discussion about it, which is fine since it’s his family, but I worry she’s doing this for attention and a confrontation would just give her what she wants. She also tends to use the kids as bargaining chips, and I really want my daughter to have a relationship with her cousins, who are very sweet and smart.

I don’t think a direct confrontation will go well, but I also don’t want to just let it go. I’d like to give her facts and information, though I know she’d probably just say it’s all biased. I’m feeling really stuck. Has anyone dealt with something like this before? What helped?

The sad part is, she has a PhD and used to be a scientist before she left her job after having her third child.

So you don’t like your SIL much- or respect her- and never have (and that was before she had kid #4 and this particular issue arose).

Do you think she is unaware of this? Do you think her husband is unaware of this? I’m sure they assume your DH shares your views as well.

I can’t imagine what you think “confronting them” will achieve here….and given the above, it won’t be taken as “concern for their baby”. It is not likely to achieve the result you desire.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s really important that the family stand up and protest against this wildly negligent SIL. If baby dies or is permanently disabled, they will need to know they did everything they could - and tell their children and grandchildren that. One cannot sit idly by while an innocent child’s suffering is preventable.

If family members ever “stood up to protest my supposed wild negligence” regarding a parenting choice, they would not be seeing much of our family for a good long while and the relationship may be permanently damaged.

And I think the SIL and BIL are fools for not vaccinating. FWIW.

Our siblings do all sorts of things with our nieces and nephews that we disagree with. We mind our own business. I’m sure they feel the same about our parenting at times, and they mind their own business.

Unless it is CPS-worthy issue of immediate danger or clear abuse, MYOB. This does not qualify, even if some people think it should.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Why can't you respect their choice?
Hard Stop.

Because their choice is dangerous for them and for people around them.

I don't understand why the BIL isn't gething the baby vaccinated. Last I checked, routine healthcare didn't require the consent of both parents.

I hear ya'... But it's not OP's decision to make. Maybe the BIL agrees w his wife and doesn't want to vaccinate either.
Again, bc you don't agree doesn't give you a right to stage an intervention, force your beliefs or medical findings on them/anyone.

It's THEIR child.

+1

OP what do you expect is going to happen here exactly? “SIL I demand you vaccinate your baby. You are ignorant and ill informed” and you think she is going to say “oh, yes of course you are right. I’ll make an appointment this week. Thanks so much for setting me straight.”

I mean…really? LOL.

And I certainly do not agree with your SIL. But is is their kid. Pushing the issue or inserting yourselves is highly likely to cause family relationship problems & a digging in of heels.

MYOB.

What about the business of the child, the rest of OP’s family and society at large? I understand that there’s not much OP can do but I also understand being concerned and wanting to talk to her in laws to see why this is happening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I agree with that my BIL absolutely bears responsibility here. He’s not a helpless bystander, and it’s beyond frustrating that he just goes along with whatever she says without standing up for what’s right, especially when it comes to something as important as their kids’ health. Honestly, he’s generally an idiot about a lot of things, so this isn’t totally out of character for him.

That said, I don’t think I’m blaming only her or letting him off the hook. I mentioned what he said to us and how he basically doesn’t care enough to push back, which is a huge part of the problem. But practically speaking, she’s the one driving this decision. She researches (or thinks she does), posts about it constantly, and is extremely vocal about it. My BIL is passive, but she’s the active force.

I’m trying to figure out if there’s any way to get through to her specifically, since she’s the one so dug in on the anti-vaccine stuff. I’m not excusing him at all. He’s being weak and irresponsible, but if there’s a chance to change things, it seems like it will have to come through her.

I hear you, though, and I appreciate the reminder that he’s not off the hook just because he’s passive. I’ll try to keep that in mind going forward.

Anyway, thanks for everyone’s responses. To the poster who reminded me that she will have to get vaccinated to go to school, you made me feel a lot better. We just found out about this last night and my first response was definitely anger. I’m not thinking logically. I just feel so bad for the baby, the rest of the kids, and my MIL and FIL.

I’m the OP of the other thread, and I will make this point here, too:

YOUR BIL IS WORSE. SIL has unfortunately fallen prey to an all-media-fronts machine and a movement designed to make her fearful and mistrustful of vaccines and of science. It’s not like she woke up one day and decided Vaccines are Bad. She, like many other parents, have fallen for a weaponized, monetized movement designed to scare parents that has reached the very top levels of government. Forces bigger than her worked on her. Is that ultimately her fault? Yes. But also, at least she is coming from a place of misguidedly-but-genuinely thinking she is doing what is best for her child.

BIL, meanwhile, likely knows better but is apparently too lazy, weak or uncaring to fight for the health and the life of his child. THAT is disgusting. To probably know better and just be like, “happy wife, happy life; oh well” is even more awful than SIL.

Anonymous wrote:Shouldn’t families be enmeshed??? Don’t get this DCUM view at all.