Has she always been materialistic and image obsessed? I have a hard time believing this is a shock to you.

Anonymous wrote:S/O question - what is the minimum HHI/NW/working situation that would allow the purchase of this handbag or another big unnecessary item?

I have a high HHI/high NW and still have a lot of guilt about spending $ on myself, which is a personal hang-up. Always nice to know what amount would red-light it.

I think this is impossible to answer Everyone spends money on frivolous things. I know some people that prefer to live in a small simple house, no car, no vacations, so that they can wear designer clothes because that brings them joy. Some people might spend 8K on a vacation, or towards a more expensive car or they like to go to concerts or whatever. I think what’s important is to decide your budget for frivolities and then decide which frivolities bring you most joy.
The problem with OP’s situation is that it reads like this is probably just one of a list that also probably includes designer clothes, a nice car, vacations. He should sit down with her and decide what they can cut from their budget to afford an 8K purse. Maybe she wants to skip vacation this year, or can commit to buying no new clothes for herself for the rest of the year, or they can reallocate their dinner out budget. But it sounds like this expensive is about 5% of their after tax income so should not be spent thoughtlessly.

S/O question - what is the minimum HHI/NW/working situation that would allow the purchase of this handbag or another big unnecessary item?

I have a high HHI/high NW and still have a lot of guilt about spending $ on myself, which is a personal hang-up. Always nice to know what amount would red-light it.

I would have laughed in her face. And I'm a woman who owns designer bags. You make 250k and she doesn't work, that's not an 8k handbag situation. Tell her to go get her own 250k job if she wants those kind of luxuries.

My designer bags came in handy when I divorced. Sold them all to pay my legal fees. Some had gone up in value from originally paid.

Anonymous wrote:its the worthless comment that would bug me. That's a shitty thing to say to your husband over a bday gift. She sounds like a spoiled brat.

This.

Talk about transactional!

Why did you marry a person with her values? Do you feel loved as a person? I suggest marriage counseling.

I also agree that I would have real concerns about the values, and gender roles, she is instilling in your children!

That is incredibly stupid and I have a 48k wedding ring.

Would you ever spend that much in a present?

If so, then she gets to pick what she wants for the money. If that is more than what you would spend, then have a conversation about what price range you have in mind, and ask for some options that match it.

I 100% think it is ridiculous to spend that much on a handbag. It speaks volumes to me about her values and perhaps insecurities (ie need to impress or catch up??)…but you have signed up for her I guess.

Get a used one from The Real Real.
And your wife is a sad combination of dumb, materialist, and mean. Look out for your kids' values.

Anonymous wrote:Dude you can just say "no" to women, it makes life a lot easier.

Are you joking? This guy should worship the ground his wife walks on. He's lucky she ever looked at him. He should buy the purse, give it to his wife, apologize for the stress he caused her, and promise that it won't happen again.

Is she new to the suburbs and this is her way of trying to fit in with the rich white ladies?

This sounds unreal, but encase it is:

1. You obviously cannot afford the bag.
2. You urgently need counseling. She cannot cash you worthless.
3. The SAHM life is hard to navigate in that you’re thrown together with some very wealthy women at times. It’s hard not to be jealous when your new bff has multiple expensive whatevers. The solution is to have to have really great boundaries and focus on what a privilege it is being a SAHM. Your wife is failing at this.
4. You need to budget down to the penny. We use an app called Monarch for this. Everyone gets a discretionary budget. If she wants to save her discretionary budget for a few years and buy a Chanel purse, more power to her.
5. You need to lock the credit of everyone in the family. You don’t want her creating new cards.
6. She needs to go back to work. Any money left over after daycare costs can be split between the 529 and both adults’ discretionary budgets. (You also work full time and probably like nice things. ) I disagree with whoever said that the first $8000 profit she makes buys the purse. She’s an adult and can save like one.

Dude you can just say "no" to women, it makes life a lot easier.

Anonymous wrote:Spend the 8 grand on a lawyer and get a new wife. This one is worthless and getting rid of her is a great investment.

This. She sounds dreadful.

Sit her down and share the family budget details. Maybe when she sees that you run the chance of missing a mortgage payment w that purchase, she would reconsider her demand.

You can agree to start “saving” towards a Chanel. FOMO is a terrible motivation. If you spend $ beyond your means because of FOMO (even if it is FOMO of a price increase), then you will find yourself living on the street in. No time. Just save more and longer to pay whatever price the darn bag is selling at when you finally can afford it.

Chanel CF was $2k years ago, but if one wasn’t willing or able to afford even a $200 hand bag, then the Chanel was simply out of reach. Today the same Chanel bag is $9k. If the same person, after amass enough net worth, can get one without breaking the bank, then the $9k is doable. So it doesn’t really matter how much the bag has gone up in price. The key is whether you can afford it at the moment without jeopardizing your financial goals is the key.

Of course, to some, a $8k bag is simply a ridiculous purchase but that is not the point of debate. Bottom line, OP’s finances can’t support this purchase (a want from the wife) without cutting other expenses.