Cruel? np here. I disagree. My parents sold our family home right after my HS graduation. When I came home for visits during college, I was visiting a location where I had no roots. I did that some but I also saw my old childhood life was over. That's ok. It kick-started my adult life. I was thinking early in college where likely would I want to live? What was the cost of living like? Could I rent an apartment and how much would it cost? I'd like to try-it-out for a summer. What skills would I need to get a good job. Supporting myself, of course. What classes would help with this? I was way-ahead of my peers, being an adult, imo, when I graduated from college.

Anonymous wrote:

you may want room for adult kids and their partners plus future grandkids.

Imo, make sure you're not the one living the bigger lifestyle. Gift money forward, sooner rather than later I it's not a worry, to help your adult children. So they have the house to host, and a bigger house to raise a family. 60+ here and this is what we want to do. Certainly don't want to move-up our own housing cost which some retirees do. Again, imo.

Gifting forward is great idea. It's what we do. It can be life changing for a kid in their 20s/30s, versus waiting until I'm 80+ and they are 50+ to get their inheritance. So if you have plenty (we do), that is what we have started doing. We will happily travel to our kids once they get a house/SO/Grandkids (we already visit, but for holidays we will be happy to go to them later), and we are happy to help with the downpayment for a nicer home for them...when it benefits them the most.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

DP: nope, we had our kids at 30 and 35. we have downsized to a 2bed/2bath condo in the city, near our previous home (15 miles away). We love it, but it's not a place for more than the 2 of us for very long. We will happily help our 20 yo financially should they return to our city after college (VHCOLA) and help them get a rental in our condo bldg or a nearby apartment building. Best of both worlds---they are living in our city, nearby yet all of us have our space. With only a 2bedroom, we like the 2nd bedroom for Work from home and just to have extra space (set up ironing and clothes drying in there, sort the bills/etc) so I can keep the rest of the place (not much) clutter free.

This sounds cruel to do. No place for them summers or holidays.

They have a place--the 2nd bedroom for summers and breaks---it's all theirs. They have a major city right outside their home, walking distance to anything you'd want.
The older kid was already "flying" when we did this, and living 2K miles away. So when all are home, we rent the guest suite in our bldg for one or a hotel room 1 block away for them to have a place to sleep. And if it's only 3-4 days, sometimes one sleeps on the couch.

Why is it cruel to want to do what you as a parent want once kids are not home 75% of the time? I spent 18+ years crafting our lives so that it was best for the kids (living in suburbs with great schools, spending weekends at kid's activities, taking vacations that work for the kids, etc). Once they head to college, I no longer need to keep a 5 bedroom massive home in the burbs, unless that is what "I want".

They always have a place to come to, it's just not a massive bedroom with en suite bathroom that they grew up with. And we will help them financially if they land back "near home" after college. I think most kids would prefer that rather than living with their parents at age 22+.

you may want room for adult kids and their partners plus future grandkids.

Imo, make sure you're not the one living the bigger lifestyle. Gift money forward, sooner rather than later I it's not a worry, to help your adult children. So they have the house to host, and a bigger house to raise a family. 60+ here and this is what we want to do. Certainly don't want to move-up our own housing cost which some retirees do. Again, imo.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

People in other countries do this and still get married. lol

People in other countries don't live in this country with this culture.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

People in other countries do this and still get married. lol

This is smart to think about. A smaller house could mean lower utilities. Yet you may want room for adult kids and their partners plus future grandkids.

Another item to consider is that it’s difficult in DC to downsize and pay less. The purchase prices increase quickly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

DP: nope, we had our kids at 30 and 35. we have downsized to a 2bed/2bath condo in the city, near our previous home (15 miles away). We love it, but it's not a place for more than the 2 of us for very long. We will happily help our 20 yo financially should they return to our city after college (VHCOLA) and help them get a rental in our condo bldg or a nearby apartment building. Best of both worlds---they are living in our city, nearby yet all of us have our space. With only a 2bedroom, we like the 2nd bedroom for Work from home and just to have extra space (set up ironing and clothes drying in there, sort the bills/etc) so I can keep the rest of the place (not much) clutter free.

This sounds cruel to do. No place for them summers or holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

probably because moving in a PITA, they have a low mortgage rate, and the new townhomes are almost as expensive as the 4000sf houses.
Unless you are planning on moving south to retire, it's easier just to keep your current home

And then when they die, get dementia or are otherwise incapacitated, they can leave the cleaning out the big house and moving for their kids to deal with. Very considerate.

oh cry me a river. My DH grandma did just this with the her house in NY and when all was said and done 3M was split tax free just from the sale of said house. Hardly a burden🙄

Guess we found the relative who didn't help clear out the house.

huh? we cleared out a 5 bedroom house. Took 3 of us and a roll away dumpster. Then a contractor came in and painted and did minor repairs. Not complaining, 1 million dollars is not bad for a weeks worth of work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

probably because moving in a PITA, they have a low mortgage rate, and the new townhomes are almost as expensive as the 4000sf houses.
Unless you are planning on moving south to retire, it's easier just to keep your current home

And then when they die, get dementia or are otherwise incapacitated, they can leave the cleaning out the big house and moving for their kids to deal with. Very considerate.

oh cry me a river. My DH grandma did just this with the her house in NY and when all was said and done 3M was split tax free just from the sale of said house. Hardly a burden🙄

Guess we found the relative who didn't help clear out the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

DP: nope, we had our kids at 30 and 35. we have downsized to a 2bed/2bath condo in the city, near our previous home (15 miles away). We love it, but it's not a place for more than the 2 of us for very long. We will happily help our 20 yo financially should they return to our city after college (VHCOLA) and help them get a rental in our condo bldg or a nearby apartment building. Best of both worlds---they are living in our city, nearby yet all of us have our space. With only a 2bedroom, we like the 2nd bedroom for Work from home and just to have extra space (set up ironing and clothes drying in there, sort the bills/etc) so I can keep the rest of the place (not much) clutter free.

re
I'm the original PP who said the kids can't move home after college, though we will help them get started in other ways. It's refreshing to read that I'm not the only person who feels this way. I love my kids and look forward to a great relationship with them that does not include cohabitation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

probably because moving in a PITA, they have a low mortgage rate, and the new townhomes are almost as expensive as the 4000sf houses.
Unless you are planning on moving south to retire, it's easier just to keep your current home

And then when they die, get dementia or are otherwise incapacitated, they can leave the cleaning out the big house and moving for their kids to deal with. Very considerate.

Seriously, after they raised you and did and paid everything for you for 18 years, and then probably also college, you can't take a couple weeks out of your life and use some of your inheritance to pay to clean out the house? Selfish

DP, but we are going through this with my mom who is a widow with Parkinson’s. It’s not that I mind taking time to clean the house and handle her belongings. It’s the stress of knowing she shouldn’t be living alone, has already had some falls, and I’m terrified of her using the stairs. We’ve tried to get her to downsize and even offered to help pay for a downsizing service. But she is just in denial about her condition and you really cannot force a grown adult to do something they do want to.

So the house is going into disrepair and I just know there is going to be some emergency forcing us to help clear out the house at some totally inconvenient time (DH and I both work FT and have 3 kids including 1 with SNs). It would be nice to be able to help my mom during a time we have a break to do things, not when our SN kid is going through a hard time or we are crazy busy at work or we are out of the country on vacation, etc.)

So yes, I am upset that this task is being left to us and is a ticking time bomb over us on top of all the other middle age life stressors. I’m an only child so it will all fall to me. I hate it.

Downsizing isn't going to fix the problem. She has Parkinson's. She physically and mentally cannot take care of herself and instead of moving her, hire her some help.

Or better yet, find a nice facility for her. Seriously, if the home is not "senior proofed" or easily modifiable, it will be cheaper in the long run. Also, home help is $$$$$$$. For reliable, qualified help, expect to spend way more than a facility.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of the rat race at the moment: high stress / high paying job, expensive house, expensive kids, etc.

One day the kids will hopefully successfully fly from the nest and around that time, I'll be thinking about retirement.

The kid-related expenses would go away, as would, maybe the need for the big house?

I'm looking for tales of downsizing and simplifying the lifestyle in retirement. What has it looked like for you?

What will you do for insurance?

DP: Buy COBRA for 18 months after the last job (when I retire). Then for the next 9 years, pay for a good plan thru ACA. Have already priced them and well aware they are NOT cheap. At 55-60, we can expect to pay $2-2.3K/month for a Silver plan with a 9K/18K deductibles and No OON coverage (beyond Urgent care and ER). That would go up to $2.5K+/month in your 60s.
So yes, it's a shock the price---our healthcare is currently $240/month (dental and vision included) with a $1K ind/$2K family deductibles.
But we know the costs and are calculating them into our retirement expenses---that plus our concierge docs will run us ~$2.8K/month, and we plan for needing the $18K deductible as a worst case scenario (all it takes is two to three smaller issues each year to get there)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

DP: nope, we had our kids at 30 and 35. we have downsized to a 2bed/2bath condo in the city, near our previous home (15 miles away). We love it, but it's not a place for more than the 2 of us for very long. We will happily help our 20 yo financially should they return to our city after college (VHCOLA) and help them get a rental in our condo bldg or a nearby apartment building. Best of both worlds---they are living in our city, nearby yet all of us have our space. With only a 2bedroom, we like the 2nd bedroom for Work from home and just to have extra space (set up ironing and clothes drying in there, sort the bills/etc) so I can keep the rest of the place (not much) clutter free.

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

We downsized to a 2 bed/2 bath when youngest went to college (from a 4.5sq ft home). If they return to our area, we will help them financially to rent in our building or nearby. But we all want our independence and it's snug in our space over the summers and xmas break.