Anonymous
Post 12/22/2024 22:53     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
At a bare minimum, commuting spouse should be dropping off/picking up kids. Is commuting spouse ever home later than 6pm? What happens then? Maybe your kids are more cooperative than mine, but getting 3 kids in the car can be the worst sometimes.

Another consideration is that 7.30 bedtime won’t last forever. At some point, sports/activities will interfere with having eaten dinner by 6pm.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 09:46     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
You can do whatever you want, but any schedule that is overly enmeshed like this is likely to create a lot of drama once one or both of you start dating.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 07:57     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:NP; only read page 1.

Instead of “picking up” at 7, can WFH arrive at other parent’s home at 7 and stay there until time to leave for school? Otherwise, time in car and number of car drives is too much for young kids.



It makes no sense. Do a few days on, few days off or S-W, W-S or some kind of consistent schedule and he needs to hire help. OP shouldn't be his babysitter and have to only work around his schedule. He needs to figure it out. Its not the car time, but number of changes/no stability and mom being his babysitter. So, she does the homework, snack/dinner, bath? He just puts them to bed and breakfast? No.


I see your points. At the very least, she should only agree to do this for a limited time. Come up with a timeline that fits the kids current needs and put in writing that schedule will be re-assessed after the current school year ends.

If the above is possible, she could consider establishing separate living spaces in the family home for the rest of the school year.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 07:53     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This is OP. I am reading and reflecting on all of this advice and I'm grateful for it. I do roll over in an attempt to keep the peace and obviously that's a problem and something I need to work on to get through this. I just don't want to mess my kids up even more by making this acrimonious. It's hard.


NP here. What I'm seeing, on face value, is this- three young kids at home. Their mother moves out. Their mother takes them to and from school, and eats dinner with them, but then takes them home to dad again, where they sleep, in their home. They visit mom on the weekends, but then go home to dad.

You see them more during their waking hours, but my kid's elementary teachers see them more during their waking hours on weekdays too. Their home, where they sleep, where they live, will be with their dad. And they will see that their mom moved out.

Think long and hard about the implications of this. Don't roll over. When they get a little older, and they ask you why you moved out, what will your answer be? If your husband is ending the relationship, he can move out.


THIS x1000. I spent two+ years in court and six figures to fight for me staying in family home after x filed for divorce. He only cared about the optics, while I only cared about the kids, especially their relationship with me, their primary caregiver (100% caregiver according to the judge).

I moved out for the two years bc x refused to budge. My relationship with our kids and their opinion of me plummeted. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced.

Now that I am back home, we are making huge strides in regaining our connection.
DO NOT BE A DOORMAT. FIGHT FOR YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR CHILDREN. Also, show them how they should expect to be treated by a partner that cheats on a marriage.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 07:46     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:NP; only read page 1.

Instead of “picking up” at 7, can WFH arrive at other parent’s home at 7 and stay there until time to leave for school? Otherwise, time in car and number of car drives is too much for young kids.



It makes no sense. Do a few days on, few days off or S-W, W-S or some kind of consistent schedule and he needs to hire help. OP shouldn't be his babysitter and have to only work around his schedule. He needs to figure it out. Its not the car time, but number of changes/no stability and mom being his babysitter. So, she does the homework, snack/dinner, bath? He just puts them to bed and breakfast? No.
Anonymous
Post 12/19/2024 07:41     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
NP; only read page 1.

Instead of “picking up” at 7, can WFH arrive at other parent’s home at 7 and stay there until time to leave for school? Otherwise, time in car and number of car drives is too much for young kids.

Anonymous
Post 12/18/2024 20:39     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:He makes $2 mil/year?

For the love of G-d get a lawyer OP.

Get half the assets and get alimony and CS.

Guarantee he’ll remarry and could easily adopt the new woman’s kids. Get what you and your kids are owed. Your lifestyle is about to take. A huge hit.



I don't know why people think I don't have a lawyer. I spent the weekend emailing lawyers. I don't care about my lifestyle. I'm not someone who cares about that stuff. My question was specifically about seeing both parents every day.


You are young. You are not understanding that before you know it, your kids will be gone and you will be old! The very best gift you can give your kids is for you to become financially secure now by getting your fair share of the household’s assets. If you don’t, you are risking your kids having to spend their assets to take care of you when you are old or get sick. It’s not about stuff, it is about having enough to fund retirement or a nursing home if needed. Taking half protects your kids!!!
Anonymous
Post 12/18/2024 00:16     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP but you come across as very passive. Why are you letting him decide how custody should be arranged? Why are you not mad he is leaving you?



Idk maybe my profession? Anger is a poison and only hurts yourself. Anger won't fix the situation or him. I can spend my time wallowing in anger or self pity or I can choose to move forward.


You are either not a therapist or you are a troll.

Anger is protective. Anger is motivating. Healthy, well-directed anger is what drives justice. It’s not the only emotion in the mix but the idea that it should be banished in the way you seem to be banishing it is…let’s just leave it there: I don’t actually believe that a therapist wrote this.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2024 19:17     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
If he wants to see them every day, he can drive his butt over to where the kids are. This is all bananas. Your kids also aren’t going to want to be dragged around multiple times a day — this isn’t in their best interest.

All of this is so bananas. You don’t have to be ANGRY to fight for an equitable distribution of money and time/responsibilities for kids. You need to be cool, calm and rational. What you are describing now as the potential arrangement isn’t rational.
Anonymous
Post 12/17/2024 11:51     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Do a few day on few day off schedule so you can work. He can pay for child care.
Anonymous
Post 12/16/2024 13:07     Subject: Does anyone have a custody schedule where both parents see kids every day?
Anonymous wrote:A lot of people are telling OP what's in HER best interest. Seeing their dad every day is in the kids best interest. Good for OP for trying to make that happen.


Is it? OP admits that her ex is a good dad because OP has pushed him to be that, and forced him to spend time with the children. OP, when your husband does most of the overnights and you aren’t there to cajole him, how is he going to handle middle of the night illness, nosebleeds, bad dreams, wet beds? Do you want your kids being ignored or complained at for throwing up at 2am?