Anonymous wrote:When did people start thinking that you are only successful of you attend an Ivy? I'm so over it.

People are silly if they really think it is just those 8 schools. However those that target ivies plus about 7 other private unis and WAS likely have done their research and know this broader group of schools are the places if one wants to maximize the following: the highest percent of 99%ile peers, almost all small classes, connected faculty and advisory systems that are extremely successful with phd/MD/JD, and high endowments providing paid undergraduate research to all who want it. People care because it does matter on some level

The time to discuss financial realities with kids is beginning of 10th grade.

If Pepperdine is not an option, they should know that right at the beginning. If Alabama is offering full rides for bright students, they should know that. If Princeton meets all financial need, they should know that. If State U is manageable, they should know that. If Colby is a dream school but not remotely possible, they should know that. If they have siblings, and everything needs to be fair and equitable, they should know that. And if it's merit or community college, they should know that.

Kids are remarkably adaptable and focused when they know the parameters. And they know what they need to do to go to where they want to go. Tell them what's what with what you can afford in 10th grade. And then explain merit. And list the 30 or so schools that meet all need - provided they can get in. Assure them it's all going to work out, but ultimately, the options will be up to them depending on how they perform in high school. And the better they do, the more options they'll have.

When kids feel like they are in charge of their destiny, they do better. But they need to understand the parameters. There aren't a lot of families that can drop $800,000 on two kids going to middling private colleges. But everyone can go to MIT if they can get in.

Kids - families - need to understand the game, the costs, the barriers, and how to play the game.

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Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

I really wanted to apply Ivy and had the record for it. But that was in the days before any Ivies met full need, and I'm the oldest child. My parents sat me down and explained to me that no matter how good a student I was, I did not have the right to demand financial support from them that would compromise my younger siblings' education. I cried. I yelled. I felt Justifiably Wronged as only a teenager can. I did not get very excited about the application process. But I went to a school that gave me a full scholarship and launched me on a pathway to huge academic success. I've never been sorry. And my parents were absolutely right.

Decades ago a high school classmate, eldest son, went to Harvard and this completely drained parental finances. Younger siblings had to attend lesser/cheaper schools. I never knew whether the younger siblings felt bitter about it but they certainly had a right to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

I really wanted to apply Ivy and had the record for it. But that was in the days before any Ivies met full need, and I'm the oldest child. My parents sat me down and explained to me that no matter how good a student I was, I did not have the right to demand financial support from them that would compromise my younger siblings' education. I cried. I yelled. I felt Justifiably Wronged as only a teenager can. I did not get very excited about the application process. But I went to a school that gave me a full scholarship and launched me on a pathway to huge academic success. I've never been sorry. And my parents were absolutely right.

Similar story. My kids applied to lesser known schools and got spectacular aid because they were standouts in a smaller pool. The excelled and became leaders which helped them network with faculty and school admin. Took some loans that they paid back quickly (with our help) with a bonus being they built excellent credit quickly. Both landed great jobs in cities near their colleges right away and the oldest is using her great credit to buy a condo.

So my advice is apply wisely, don't get caught up in the idea that big names have it all, and choose what makes sense.

if your kid has such great creds, then she needs to apply to SEC schools and other such schools that are known for generous merit money. If your daughter is hung up on status and prestige to the detriment of her future financial self then she’s really not that night and will learn the hard way.

My kid also had great HS stats, but we are a 2 LEO household and simply don’t have the money to bankroll him. He’s now at Tennessee studying nuclear engineering on a full merit scholarship. USC, Auburn, Alabama, and Tennessee threw a ton of money at him. He also got in UVA, but no merit. He picked UTK for the major and the fact that he would graduate without a single penny of debt.

He already has an incredible internship arranged for this summer that pays the equivalent of $40/hr.

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Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

No doubt, but you have to explain that’s the path to attending an expensive OOS school. Money math is money math.

Military service should not be the default to afford college. That is not a path for everyone.

It’s not the default here. OPs kid can attend a school in VA that parents can afford. That’s the default. If kid wants to attend New England school parents can’t afford, the ROTC is the path.

OP, our DC with top stats took a full tuition scholarship, plus various outside scholarships, and has attended a well-regarded private uni, and has a top GPA, research, study abroad and internship opportunities. Will work in a prestigious analyst position for a few years then attend grad school funded with all the savings. There are many paths for these students.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

So sad, too bad. I tell my kids they are allowed to apply anywhere they want (although I will put a cap on application fees), but they can only attend somewhere if the final coa is at or below the cost of a va state school.

+1 My parents told me the same thing. I had a lot of OOS options and got a little scholarship money but in the end they were way more expensive than my in-state options. So I went in state, had a great experience, and a few years later moved to the east coast for a job and did grad school here.

DS initially wanted to go to CA and we said no way. VA in state or something else in the budget (including travel costs). He's been very happy at VT.
DD also wanted to get out of Virginia and goes to a LAC in PA with good merit so it's similar to the VT cost.

FWIW, I know student who was offered Monroe Scholar at W&M but chose to go to Clark U in Mass. with a big merit award. There are options you can explore in New England if your budget can stretch to $40-50k

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Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

OP: Have you communicated clearly to your DC what your financial parameters are?

OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

OP, I want a pony. Maybe your kid did, too, at some point. The vast majority of us can't have everything we want.

If your DC doesn't know what your limitations are vis a vis paying for college, then you need to communicate them now. They should not be applying to schools you can't afford.

OP, are you still with us?

Anonymous wrote:When did people start thinking that you are only successful of you attend an Ivy? I'm so over it.

When they entered the alternate reality that is this forum.

When did people start thinking that you are only successful of you attend an Ivy? I'm so over it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

No doubt, but you have to explain that’s the path to attending an expensive OOS school. Money math is money math.

Military service should not be the default to afford college. That is not a path for everyone.

It's not the default - ROTC scholarships and service academy appointments are difficult to get. I'm sure there are some kids who go that route for financial reasons, but it's the minority. If you're talking enlisting and using the GI Bill, I do agree with that, but most who enlist aren't academically qualified for pricey schools anyway. This just isn't the issue you think it is.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your aren't a troll, your kids just go to the best in state college they can go to. Like most other people.

+1

There are lots of kids like yours, OP, including mine. My son had a perfect 1600 SAT score and a 4.8 weighted GPA coming out of the Blair magnet. He did very well at University of Maryland and did not apply to any top 20 schools because we could not afford them. And, we had saved quite a lot.

It's not unusual and it will be fine. What matters is how your kids do, not that they go to a brand name school.

+2 Tell the kids you can afford VA state school budget. They can apply elsewhere but if it doesn't fit the budget it's off the list. They should start to look for things they can like about UVA/W&M/VT.

Read The Price You Pay for College by Ron Lieber
https://www.amazon.com/Price-You-Pay-College-Financial/dp/006286730X

OP - kid is very set on getting out of VA as fast as she can, really wants New England schools

So sad, too bad. I tell my kids they are allowed to apply anywhere they want (although I will put a cap on application fees), but they can only attend somewhere if the final coa is at or below the cost of a va state school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ROTC

Good point - I went to Cornell - lots of ROTC kids there.

OP - kid really doesn't want to do ROTC

No doubt, but you have to explain that’s the path to attending an expensive OOS school. Money math is money math.

Military service should not be the default to afford college. That is not a path for everyone.

No it's not - given that only 25 percent of 18 year olds are even eligible to join the military. The percentage of high school students that even have a chance for a four year ROTC scholarship is tiny. Those scholarships are worth nearly $400,000. And the requirements are hard - from fitness to smarts to community service. Those scholarships are no one's backup plan.