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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

This is the reality. Unfortunately, because this is the age where the kids themselves are transitioning into controlling the friend group, people can get left out and feelings hurt. We have to encourage our tweens to be inclusive and kind and maybe ask where Johnnie is and did you think to invite him too. We also have to teach our kids to hold their heads up and move on if they are like OP’s kid and had a rough Halloween year.

The answer is not to step in and micromanage and force the group dynamics though.

Exactly.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

Kids are meeting at homes and the homeowner has no idea who is coming? People hosting parties in their homes are involved how can they not be? Kids don’t have their own places to host.

Yes. Kids are making the plans on where and who.

I really don't know my kids friends. I see new faces all the time. Unless the kid was particularly disrepectful on a previous visit I don't care who drops by. Do you have teens?

Yes, teens. I was saying yes to the PP who asked if I have no idea who is coming.

So now nobody knows where their teens are going or who they are hanging out with? Where did all these completely hands off parents come from?

My kid loosely keeps me updated, but many MS/HS kids are independent enough to make their own plans.

I guess I’m the only one who asks my kid where they are going and who will be there. If the list of kids kept changing I would be asking why.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

WTF is wrong with you?

WTBF is wrong with you? Weird.

I’m a DP and your comment about “on the spectrum” was disgusting. Grow up.

I doubt you are DP. And the comment was appropriate. You can chill out now.

I should have just reported the comment.

The PP made weird comments. And you made a really disgusting one. Both things can be true.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

This is the reality. Unfortunately, because this is the age where the kids themselves are transitioning into controlling the friend group, people can get left out and feelings hurt. We have to encourage our tweens to be inclusive and kind and maybe ask where Johnnie is and did you think to invite him too. We also have to teach our kids to hold their heads up and move on if they are like OP’s kid and had a rough Halloween year.

The answer is not to step in and micromanage and force the group dynamics though.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

WTF is wrong with you?

WTBF is wrong with you? Weird.

I’m a DP and your comment about “on the spectrum” was disgusting. Grow up.

I doubt you are DP. And the comment was appropriate. You can chill out now.

There is something really off about you.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

My involvement: order pizza

This never used to be a thing. You ate dinner at your house then met your friends on the street. But now, you involve yourself.

I have no part other than ordering food _if_ they end up at our house.

People have gathered for dinner before trick or treating for as long as I can remember. Even back to the 80s. It might be new to you but it’s not new in general.

Not everyone had this same experience. But as usual it’s parent driven which causes a lot of problems.

In our area, it’s not parent driven at all. Which is why it’s so messy.

Kids are meeting at homes and the homeowner has no idea who is coming? People hosting parties in their homes are involved how can they not be? Kids don’t have their own places to host.

Yes. Kids are making the plans on where and who.

I really don't know my kids friends. I see new faces all the time. Unless the kid was particularly disrepectful on a previous visit I don't care who drops by. Do you have teens?

Yes, teens. I was saying yes to the PP who asked if I have no idea who is coming.

So now nobody knows where their teens are going or who they are hanging out with? Where did all these completely hands off parents come from?

My kid loosely keeps me updated, but many MS/HS kids are independent enough to make their own plans.

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Anonymous wrote:I take it you're not friends with the moms on your street and that's why they excluded him?

This OP— it’s not the kids, it’s the jerk moms who are trying to live their kids’ lives for them. These same women will be appearing in their sons’ homecoming pictures in a few years—standing between their son and his date.

Agree with this and I could see how this happens and it’s not the kid’s fault:

They made plans at school to go in group.

Kid 1 told his mom hey I’m going with X 6 kids from school.

Mom said no we’re going to Aiden’s mom’s house for a pre Halloween party and she only invited so many kids.

This got relayed to your son as being disinvited when it was really a parent social engineering.

In middle school?! I don't know the same people you know. My kids figured out their own plans and I dropped them off without even getting out of the car.

+1. I have MS kids and my favorite part about it is this stuff doesn’t happen like it did in ES. I really don’t know the parents of my kids’ friends other than a passing hi when dropping off/picking up. It’s amazing.

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Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

WTF is wrong with you?

WTBF is wrong with you? Weird.

I’m a DP and your comment about “on the spectrum” was disgusting. Grow up.

I doubt you are DP. And the comment was appropriate. You can chill out now.

Hi:

We had this situation but the opposite. There is a girl with weak social skills that clings to my daughter. Why my daughter? I think because she’s nice and the other girls just give her the cold shoulder. But through my daughter she has access to a group.

She and her parents are constantly asking us to do things. Like we will have a playdate on Friday and they will start hassling us about Saturday and then when we say no Sunday. It’s exhausting. It’s also caused problems when some girls pull away from my daughter because this girl is always tagging after her and so these girls go elsewhere. She still has friends but probably fewer than she might otherwise. This is 5th grade.

When this girls parents invited themselves over again for Halloween I was inclined to say yes just because it’s hard to be alone on my special day, but when I told my daughter she was in tears. The friend she was going with didn’t want to go with this girl (for the same reasons as everyone else) and my daughter didn’t want to jeopardize the new friendship. My daughter likes hanging out with this girl sometimes, but just sometimes - she doesn’t want to be best friends and this kid smothers her. So at some point I just needed to stick up for my kid.

Kids are absolutely mean sometimes, as are adults. But it’s very hard to deliver the message, “more people would want to be your kid’s friend if they were just easier to deal with.” So you say nothing and they feel excluded.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

Yes, and if I know of someone that my son hangs out with regularly, I'd suggest to him that he include them on the list. Or if he asks I would say sure, as long as we were within a capacity I could afford. But I am not wracking my brain to think of everyone he hangs out with sometimes and asking him to include them. That is on him to bring them up.

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

WTF is wrong with you?

WTBF is wrong with you? Weird.

I’m a DP and your comment about “on the spectrum” was disgusting. Grow up.

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yes, it’s a big conspiracy.

No, if the kids end up here I order pizza. Just like other parents do if the kids end up meeting at their house. I have no part in deciding where or who is meeting up.

People in here are clearly saying they host parties and are suggesting to OP that she host her own party. I guess you just don’t want to call your gathering a party.

Pick whatever word you want. It’s low key and has almost zero parent involvement.

Cool. So the kids are drinking in the basement at your not party b/c you’re not involved.

Why are you being weirdly aggressive about this?

The low-key gathering w/pizza does not include alcohol. There are adults in the home.

It’s social engineering. But people are claiming it’s not.

Does some social engineering exist? Yes.

Is letting your kid and their friends decide completely on their own what to do, where to go, and who to invite (and then change it all multiple times) considered social engineering? No.

Completely on their own, sure. Just a day or two ago was a party hosting mom wanting to disinvite her son’s friend b/c of something he said on Discord.

Ok. I’m sure it happens in some cases, especially when kids are younger. But I was sharing my experience with my kids. The kids are making the plans independently of parents. I really just order pizza IF they end up at our home.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

Because the parents had to get involved again and ruin it. Like youth sports.

Actually it is the exact opposite in middle and high school. Parents are NOT involved. Kids make their own friend groups.

Who is ordering and paying for all this food as part of the “hosting”? Parents are absolutely involved in this.

I hosted for my sixth grader’s group of friends. Pizza, veggies, fruit, seltzers, some party plates and that was it. I was NOT involved in his guest list or trick or treating plans. I just let them know they could eat and pop by during the evening for more food or drink as needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

WTF is wrong with you?

WTBF is wrong with you? Weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. My DS was the one who changed plans and dis-invited 2 kids. I think it was a timing issue and he had another group asking him to join. Those uninvited kids are just going to come anyway (they figured out their logistical issue and the parents just asked me for the meeting time).

Gauche. At the very least, you should have explained to DS that this is the height of rudeness and poor manners. You don't leave friends behind because a "better" option presented itself. Tacky and low class. Do better.

Last year, we invited a few kids to our neighborhood party. My son invited a handful of kids. One kid said he had plans with another kid and he was also included. It is very easy to join groups instead of disinviting.

DP. My kids—MS and HS—are on the receiving end of the disinviting or last minute “sorry, can’t do it” type of thing frequently. It’s a total bummer as a parent who tries to stay out of their social business.

It seems like kids today are really rigid in how group plans come together. Like it has to be a very specific combo of people or the whole thing is off. In my day, we were much more likely to bring on stragglers, even if they weren’t our closest friends. It was no big deal.

I have 3 kids. We host a lot. Over the years, I have complained about people not reciprocating. I guess by middle and high school still being the house as the hang out house has its benefits. They are usually always included by some group.

I think part of the problem is that there’s “hosting” involved at all. The pre-parties and the group pic for social media—it’s turned a relatively simple, sweet holiday into yet another opportunity to reinforce your tribe.

By the time they are in MS, not everyone wants to ToT so it makes sense that they might just want to hang out together at a house.
I think one issue is Halloween has become an “event” that everyone thinks they need to have plans for.

Huh? It’s been like that for as long as I can remember. Kids like to meet up before heading out. If they head out at all.

-Gen-X

I’m also Gen X. Where I lived we would meet up to ToT but didn’t have a big party before or after.

Hanging out w/pizza isn’t exactly a big party.

It’s a meeting spot w/easy dinner.

So you bribe kids with pizza to come to your house so your kid’s plans are locked in.

Yup.
Some kids can be bribed with pizza.
Some kids are bribed by the allure of not being excluded.
Some kids want to make friends.
Some parents like that they don't have to feed dinner to their kids.
Some parents like that the kid is on their own.

It is not your business to care about why someone attends. You make your kid realize that if they put in some effort, they can have a good social experience. Hopefully it teaches them how to be good hosts and how to be inclusive. And the best outcome from this exercise (excluding having a great halloween) is that your kid will come across some kids from good families who also value being inclusive and reciprocating. - DP

The point of this thread is “disinvitation” I guess the party hosts involved in these exclusive parties don’t care about the kids who fall to the side. We know you do it because you fear your kid being left out. You want to be the cool mom.

Are you the thread "nazi" now, weirdly triggered pp?

I have no desire to be a cool mom for other kids. I am a very loving and thoughtful mom for my own kid. And no one is excluding any kid. Our invites go out on our neighborhood listserv. Besides, my children always have companionship of kids of relatives and my own friends, their school friends etc, so we always have a critical mass of guests to have a party.

Yes, why would I want my own kid to be left out and feel bad because of Karens and their children? Are you insane? I also want them to learn how to be social and inclusive. I don't want them to be some helpless, isolated, anti-social, depressed adult once they are away from home.

Are you on the spectrum? Because your posts are really weird.

WTF is wrong with you?