So confused
Are yall rich? Does he make good money?

She’s going to end up being a SHM anyway

What’s the problem?

Anonymous wrote:I am a former private school teacher, now doing something else. I only took two years off to sah, but I have always been a very low earner. I'm also a frugal diy type of person, my job provides us with health insurance, and I have always been very helpful to my dh's career, managing all kid responsibilities so he was free to work long hours when he needed to to advance his career (he has much more flexibility now). My feeling is that income is only a part of finances for a couple. How you spend and how you save matter just as much. And of course that is only the financial part of a marriage. There is so much more to it.

Not juggling two big jobs while raising kids is huge. I've been a freelancer for a long time so I have time to all the kid stuff. It's worked out just fine for us. For the naysayers: if we divorce (doubtful since it's been over 20 years now and we are still happy), we'll split our assets and be just fine because we've always lived simply and saved during our marriage. It's possible even in an expensive area.

This would concern me a lot. Spouse shouldn’t be a deadweight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the problem? She is working a job.

Average family income in the US is $80,000 per year.

Many college grads (even from Ivys work low pay jobs.)

She's making close to minimum wage with a college degree. She seems lazy, maybe? Even teachers get paid more than minimum wage.

Do we know what her job is? I worked in a lot of low-paying jobs in my 20s even though I had a very marketable degree from a good school. (I thought I wanted to be a chef. I was wrong.) But many low paying jobs are not for the lazy, believe me. The decent-paying WFH desk job I have now? Perfect for lazy people!

I've asked this question a few times -- what is her job? I don't think I saw the answer.

If she's frugal and doesn't care about the trappings of an UMC, then that's one thing. But, most people do want a comfortable life, and do care about finances that can support such a life.

My DD loves the arts, and doesn't want an office job. But, she likes her UMC lifestyle, so she knows she has to have a decent job to support herself because we have always told her that "a man is not a plan" and that she needs to be able to financially support herself.

Being a chef is a career, albeit, not a lucrative one. I'd love a chef in the family. LOL

It's one thing if this person is getting a graduate degree and still working minimum wage type jobs; it's another if they are just working that type of job while waiting for a meal ticket, which is what OP's DS would be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the problem? She is working a job.

Average family income in the US is $80,000 per year.

Many college grads (even from Ivys work low pay jobs.)

She's making close to minimum wage with a college degree. She seems lazy, maybe? Even teachers get paid more than minimum wage.

Do we know what her job is? I worked in a lot of low-paying jobs in my 20s even though I had a very marketable degree from a good school. (I thought I wanted to be a chef. I was wrong.) But many low paying jobs are not for the lazy, believe me. The decent-paying WFH desk job I have now? Perfect for lazy people!

Anonymous wrote:I can’t imagine if the scenario was reversed that anyone would be super supportive of their daughter marrying a late 20s minimum wage guy.

Yes, 1 in 1000 of those guys go on to some great career, but 999 end up as minimum wage workers for or generally underemployed for life.

agree. I wouldn't want this for my DD or DS.

Anonymous wrote:What's the problem? She is working a job.

Average family income in the US is $80,000 per year.

Many college grads (even from Ivys work low pay jobs.)

She's making close to minimum wage with a college degree. She seems lazy, maybe? Even teachers get paid more than minimum wage.

I have done what I can to share what I think an interesting and positive life partner for both my son and my daughter are. This girl would not qualify in my mind. That being said, if my son brought this type of girl home as a potential DIL, I would welcome her and say nothing. My teaching happened before he identified a partner and while he was growing up. Now, he gets to make his own way and make his own choices without input from his mother unless he specifically asks (highly unlikely).

What's the problem? She is working a job.

Average family income in the US is $80,000 per year.

Many college grads (even from Ivys work low pay jobs.)

Your son is in his late 20s and is an adult capable of making his own decisions and going into this eyes wide open. There is more to a person than just their job (and you have not shared what exactly she does). In all likelihood, she will probably be a SAHM which could be amazing for your grandchildren & huge for your son to advance in his career. Some MILs would love this. Don't meddle in his business. It will only cause resentment and distance.

I am a former private school teacher, now doing something else. I only took two years off to sah, but I have always been a very low earner. I'm also a frugal diy type of person, my job provides us with health insurance, and I have always been very helpful to my dh's career, managing all kid responsibilities so he was free to work long hours when he needed to to advance his career (he has much more flexibility now). My feeling is that income is only a part of finances for a couple. How you spend and how you save matter just as much. And of course that is only the financial part of a marriage. There is so much more to it.

Anonymous wrote:What about your daughter marrying a man with no career? He is good looking and he loves her.

If my kid is happy with the arrangement, why not? But I would have a discussion first with my kid, to make sure they are not expecting the future partner to change

That's me! I think I am a fantastic spouse and great person.

She's likely hoping to be a SHAM. Not something I hope for my girls, but to each their own.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ah. This brings back memories. Of the BF's dad and stepmom who warned him that I was "a nobody" who was "beautiful but going nowhere." The bf was selling houses (new home sales, didn't even have a realtor's license) for context.

I was trying to figure out what to do in my late 20s and was modeling a tiny bit (I never got much work, but got some) and cocktail waitressing in a club on weekends. After he broke up with me I ended up going to law school, have had an amazing career, and made a lot of money. He's now divorced from a woman he met at a Pizza Hut and has had a string of long-term GFs since, none of them particularly impressive career-wise. I follow it on FB and laugh.

Except if he hadn’t broken up with you and I guess you might have married him, you probably would never have become a lawyer.

Not sure what the moral of your story is.

It seems like OP’s son breaking off the engagement is the best thing that can happen to this girl.

What? Of course I would have become a lawyer. I was a champion debater in high school -- it was kind of inevitable.

If you had married this guy you would have gone to law school? Doesn’t sound like he would have been too supportive.

Your story just doesn’t apply here…you and this guy were never going to stay together nor were you engaged.