Anonymous
08/25/2024 15:06
Subject: Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.
It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.
OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.
I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.
I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.
I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.
Same! no regrets. My kids have the opposite upbringing and unless they get a scholarship or unique opportunity in another area, I prefer them to attend a college that has some tie to our family or extended family or second home.
+1 I had to get away for my own mental health, but always envied friends who had tight familial bonds. I will support my kids with whatever decision they make (and of course that we can afford), but have intentionally tried to cultivate an environment that they want to be in close proximity to.
Anonymous
08/25/2024 14:56
Subject: Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unless your family is horribly toxic, I think most would like to be able to be close to their families as they start families.
I thought this thread was about where kids go to college, not where they'll live when they start families.
Two totally different things. None of our kids live in the city where they attended college.
People are tying all of it together.
The idea that kids choose to go far to school to get away from toxic families was floated.
Then people were talking about how we’re all so disconnected with our families these days because we choose to be far from our families, either during or after school.
I was simply noting that unless your family is toxic, many would ideally choose life near families once they started one of their own. I know we have considered many scenarios to make that possible. We are within a couple hours of my family, but still far from his.
I went 8 hours from home for school because it was the best school for me. My daughter is doing the same. She’ll figure out after she graduates her next step. And we will love and support her as we always have, including her extended family whether we are physically close or not. Being more than 2-3 hours doesn’t lead to detachment or whatever some of these posters have in mind. We care about our families and value those connections just as much as those who all live in the same town.
+1
If anything, not being physically close to your kids means when you do gather, it is truly quality time. We have a 26yo living 2K and a 21 yo 3K away at college. We saw the 26yo for over 30 days in the last year. Thanks to vacations (we invite and pay for them and any SO), holidays and us visiting them. They've seen their sibling almost as much.
I guess I don't get it---if my kids lived 45 mins away, I still would likely only see them 2-3 times per month for part of a day. They would have a life with their work (40-50 hours/week), work friends, other friends, a SO, and just being a 20 something. So sure we might see them on Friday evening or Sat afternoon 2 times per month. But I certainly wouldn't expect them to spend all weekend with us. Just like I wouldn't plan to spend all weekend with them---we have friends, hobbies, activities that we enjoy and would want to live our life.
I think that is healthy. I would never expect my kid to spend Sat day and night with their parents every weekend when they are 25.
Anonymous
08/25/2024 14:50
Subject: Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:All I know is that I will hear people say “you’re so lucky you live near your kids’ grandparents,” or “you’re so lucky your adult children can come over for dinners.” It’s not luck. It’s families making it a priority to be in the same location. Nobody can say that it’s as easy to see their family that is 2k miles away as their family in the next town.
+1. This. It takes effort and sacrifice. Everyone complains about how lonely and miserable they are but they don't want to make the sacrifices to prioritize family. But they'll read a million self-help articles on how to overcome loneliness by going for walks. Honestly, the way we're moving forward as a society is really sad. Americans are miserable.
But some of us recognize that even if our kids lived 30 mins away, we wouldn't see them weekly. They would have a 40-50 hour job, friends, a SO, and a life with people their age. So we might still only see them 2 times per month. We also have a life with our friends. To us, that is happiness, everyone doing what they love. DOesn't mean we "love our kids any less".
One kid was actually in town for 4 days recently (lives 1K+ away). We had other plans, a yearly volunteering event we do for disabled kids--cannot reschedule that and those kids need our help. So they saw their friends and their sibling over 3 days, and we saw them for 6 hours before they had to fly home.
Anonymous
08/25/2024 13:45
Subject: Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:OP, you're being overly dramatic - that's provincial thinking. And it's a mindset other people avoid. They spread their wings and head out into the big, wide world.
It's always why Americans are increasingly lonely and we've seen a collapse of the family unit. Existing as islands in the big, wide world has had disastrous effects on society.
OP, I agree with you. Will push for my kids to stay on this coast. I moved away from home and it has been hard on my parents. My DH is not from the US and he finds the entire system completely insane.
I agree. And ppl don’t think enough about this, esp as they age. There is an epidemic of loneliness in this country. And it’s in large part bc people move away from family, even if they don’t have to.
I wish we had more family close. But our jobs -taken when we were young- are not transferable to out small midwestern area.
I moved far away from home for school and it was the best thing I ever did. My family is extremely toxic and I couldn't get away fast enough. Never had the desire to live close to any of them.
Same! no regrets. My kids have the opposite upbringing and unless they get a scholarship or unique opportunity in another area, I prefer them to attend a college that has some tie to our family or extended family or second home.
Anonymous
08/25/2024 08:57
Subject: Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?
I would be very happy if STEM-focused DC went to GMU or UMCP or UMBC, but I would insist they live in on-campus housing so they get the college experience and are ready to live on their own wherever they end up working.
Anonymous
08/25/2024 08:53
Subject: Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Unless your family is horribly toxic, I think most would like to be able to be close to their families as they start families.
I thought this thread was about where kids go to college, not where they'll live when they start families.
Two totally different things. None of our kids live in the city where they attended college.
Not always.
Do you have anxiety? Let go some, promise it'll be ok.
Logistically and for budget, preference was to stay on same coast.
Otherwise, encouraged them to spread their wings - grow, expand horizons (beyond local bubble), enjoy the freedom and fun of youth!
It's a small chapter in life, going away to school doesn't equate to staying away.
Anonymous
08/25/2024 08:20
Subject: Anyone else hope their kid stays close to home for college?
the more I suggest staying close, the more my children want to go further away. 🤣