So we're clear, you're saying OP should not compromise in the marriage he's currently in, so that he can strategically cement his preferred location in the event of a divorce. This is your premise?

Yes.

If you thought divorce was on the horizon, would you move to a town where you don't want to live, don't know anyone, with significantly diminished career prospects, that you would have to live in for the next 15 years or so, and that you'd never be able to convince your spouse to leave because their family is there? Of course you wouldn't. And to suggest that OP shouldn't consider that is ridiculous. You're lying to yourself if you believe you wouldn't have the same thought process.

Then you're in the wrong thread. Or put more succinctly, you're answering a question that wasn't asked. Where on earth is "divorce on the horizon" in this thread? I agree that OP sounds like a crap husband and father. But to his credit, he's asking how to navigate next steps in a marriage/parenting situation he is feeling challenged by, and most posters are advising OP to choose a pathway that makes sense for the future of himself and his family. Most of us (you excluded) understand that this is how people stay married with a newborn. He isn't asking how to strategically position himself before an impending divorce, but it makes perfect sense that this is the question you're answering. A poster upthread said it best: some people just shouldn't marry or procreate. You and OP seem to be examples.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you should never move somewhere you don’t want to live if you should divorce.

Also, Ohio and Michigan are too cold for me and land-locked. I grew up in an east coast state and can’t imagine living so far from a real beach. I’d be willing to discuss a new city where a nanny is affordable, but not one of the ones the wife mentioned.

This is the most DCUM post ever.

Dumb? Check.

Entitled? Check.

Snarky? Check.

What a treat. Made my day.

Enjoy Ohio!

I’m in Ohio. I have a happy spouse, a good sex life, well adjusted kids, a close relationship with my family and extended family, no mortgage, and a good job with thoughtful coworkers, decent hours and a decent commute.

It’s a rough life. If only I had “made it” and ended up with a sexless marriage and a soul sucking job close to the ocean!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you should never move somewhere you don’t want to live if you should divorce.

Also, Ohio and Michigan are too cold for me and land-locked. I grew up in an east coast state and can’t imagine living so far from a real beach. I’d be willing to discuss a new city where a nanny is affordable, but not one of the ones the wife mentioned.

This is the most DCUM post ever.

Dumb? Check.

Entitled? Check.

Snarky? Check.

What a treat. Made my day.

Enjoy Ohio!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Are you seriously suggesting that OP should compromise by moving, even given the potential repercussions? I am guessing that if the roles were reversed, you'd be advising OP's wife to do what is best for her, and don't worry about him.

So we're clear, you're saying OP should not compromise in the marriage he's currently in, so that he can strategically cement his preferred location in the event of a divorce. This is your premise?

Yes.

If you thought divorce was on the horizon, would you move to a town where you don't want to live, don't know anyone, with significantly diminished career prospects, that you would have to live in for the next 15 years or so, and that you'd never be able to convince your spouse to leave because their family is there? Of course you wouldn't. And to suggest that OP shouldn't consider that is ridiculous. You're lying to yourself if you believe you wouldn't have the same thought process.

He doesn’t have to live there. OP has already said that he doesn’t care much for being a father and would prefer to be single in DC.

Anonymous wrote:Agree that you should never move somewhere you don’t want to live if you should divorce.

Also, Ohio and Michigan are too cold for me and land-locked. I grew up in an east coast state and can’t imagine living so far from a real beach. I’d be willing to discuss a new city where a nanny is affordable, but not one of the ones the wife mentioned.

This is the most DCUM post ever.

Dumb? Check.

Entitled? Check.

Snarky? Check.

What a treat. Made my day.