Anonymous
08/14/2024 15:30
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, gold digger "testing" her dates is single - SHOCKER!
Maybe you should be more generous with your expectations. Testing dates is immature and shows a real lack of kindness.
So true about how "tests" are immature. People who create tests in their heads are really are people who have no idea how mature adults communicate.
I don't know that OP is a gold digger since she insists she's got plenty of money. But that accusation is one reason why, years ago, I started a relationship with a man and from the very first minute told him we would split everything. Since we were blunt about the relationship being for sex and fun and nothing more, I didn't want to owe him anything material or monetary. Even if only the two of us knew about it. And the only "testing" we did was STI testing.
No games, no trad "etiquette" like OP wants, and no mind-reading expected!
OP isn’t looking for a boy toy just for sex: don’t you see the difference ?
Oh, I definitely see the difference, PP. I'm saying that our morally "bad" relationship for, gasp, sex, at least was more honest, up front and actually equitable than OP's attempt at finding a "good" relationship with Mr. Traditional. At least we were always honest with each other about what we expected....
OP here: I met a few men who were not up to pulling off their weight in relationship. And I did offer them FWB arrangements: men always declined claiming it would be "immoral" or "self destructing for them". Men want to have cake and eat it, too, by having a woman take care of everything. When a woman goes "I just want you for sex" they quickly call her immoral.
Men who would turn down FWB as immoral should be the upstanding men you claim you're seeking....shouldn't they? Oh, right they "were not up to pulling off their weight in relationship." Whatever that means. Maybe it only means "They won't pay for the first date like I telepathically told them to do."
You're a contradictory hoot, for sure.
And since you're so into proper etiquette, what does Miss Manners say is the correct way to offer FWB? Do share.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 15:21
Subject: Re:Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:You sound exhausting.
+1
This “test “ fails to consider that he is also a person trying to find a good match while making a good first impression.
In todays dating climate, bring a gentleman and following traditional gender norms is not always seen as a plus to women, …and men find themselves forced to navigate this unfamiliar terrain. Does he “insist” and pass your test? Or does he “insist” and look like a Dick?
Or does he just go with the flow and try to read your preference based on your behaviors?
Looks like he chose the latter in good faith, and probably assumed you would t offer if you didn’t want to help pay.
Next time, don’t offer.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 15:20
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.
You’re not compatible. Move on.
I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships
How is this working out for you? You’re still single so….
It's such a BS test! People aren't mind readers. On a first date, I would expect to split the bill. If I offered to split the bill, I would accept the guy to say "yes," because he respects that I am an adult who makes her own decisions and who can financially provide for herself.
This, above, is the ideal take on bill-splitting on a first date. And I'd add (as an aside, since the alleged OP definitely wants drinks and meals out as her dates) -- the best first dates IMHO tend to be an activity, like something outdoors, or an event where you'd each buy your own ticket and meet there (concert, outdoor festival, whatever), or a coffee date at a time that's not necessarily going to lead up to "Uh, it's nearly dinner time, I guess we could eat out?" In other words, not the pressure of the classic "Dinner Date and Then My Place" nights. Less facing each other across a restaurant table and more sharing an experience in a context where, if it isn't going great, it's simple to say goodbye at the end.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 15:15
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.
this.
man who goes on many many dates
coz i'm hot and rich
when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split
when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead
OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk
so are you hot or not?
i'm guessing NOT
non-hotties do not do shit tests. it always backfires on them. as the many respondents on this thread have pointed out to you+
rofl
The prior two dates said I was 10 on your stupid redpill grading system. Both paid. This one also appeared drooling. His exW was ugly relative me. I’m a solid “you are pretty attractive “ 8.5 without any makeup on online facial tests; average height and slim. It’s not as much about hotness of a woman but the man himself. Plenty of hot women end up with deadbeat boyfriends and husbands paying for everything and pulling all weight in relationships
DP. So...dates, two of them no less, actually said a number rating to you out loud?
Now we're in "things that never happened" territory as someone above noted.
Leave this material, especially the "drooling," out of the novel or script version of this fiction, OP.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 14:40
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you in DC? How in the world did an expensive bottle of wine and tons of apps only come out to $100? What did you order to drink that was only $10?
Maybe OP went to Applebees.
This tracks since she claims to normally spend $30 on 2 drinks. Maybe at a happy hour at a divey Mexican restaurant in the burbs.
Barcelona bars offer 3oz wine tasting that start at $4.5 per person
Anonymous
08/14/2024 14:33
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, gold digger "testing" her dates is single - SHOCKER!
Maybe you should be more generous with your expectations. Testing dates is immature and shows a real lack of kindness.
So true about how "tests" are immature. People who create tests in their heads are really are people who have no idea how mature adults communicate.
I don't know that OP is a gold digger since she insists she's got plenty of money. But that accusation is one reason why, years ago, I started a relationship with a man and from the very first minute told him we would split everything. Since we were blunt about the relationship being for sex and fun and nothing more, I didn't want to owe him anything material or monetary. Even if only the two of us knew about it. And the only "testing" we did was STI testing.
No games, no trad "etiquette" like OP wants, and no mind-reading expected!
OP isn’t looking for a boy toy just for sex: don’t you see the difference ?
Oh, I definitely see the difference, PP. I'm saying that our morally "bad" relationship for, gasp, sex, at least was more honest, up front and actually equitable than OP's attempt at finding a "good" relationship with Mr. Traditional. At least we were always honest with each other about what we expected....
OP here: I met a few men who were not up to pulling off their weight in relationship. And I did offer them FWB arrangements: men always declined claiming it would be "immoral" or "self destructing for them". Men want to have cake and eat it, too, by having a woman take care of everything. When a woman goes "I just want you for sex" they quickly call her immoral.
lol! Things that never happened!!
Anonymous
08/14/2024 14:32
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you in DC? How in the world did an expensive bottle of wine and tons of apps only come out to $100? What did you order to drink that was only $10?
Maybe OP went to Applebees.
This tracks since she claims to normally spend $30 on 2 drinks. Maybe at a happy hour at a divey Mexican restaurant in the burbs.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 14:32
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.
this.
man who goes on many many dates
coz i'm hot and rich
when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split
when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead
OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk
so are you hot or not?
i'm guessing NOT
non-hotties do not do shit tests. it always backfires on them. as the many respondents on this thread have pointed out to you+
rofl
The prior two dates said I was 10 on your stupid redpill grading system. Both paid. This one also appeared drooling. His exW was ugly relative me. I’m a solid “you are pretty attractive “ 8.5 without any makeup on online facial tests; average height and slim. It’s not as much about hotness of a woman but the man himself. Plenty of hot women end up with deadbeat boyfriends and husbands paying for everything and pulling all weight in relationships
Anonymous
08/14/2024 14:28
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Great first date, lots of common interests, decent guy close to my age, great job and claims to have great values. But two things: 1. He was too physical and 2. Agreed to my offer to split check (which was a test I use to weed out men who don’t follow gender roles). I offer to split and then watch if they gladly agree or insist on them picking the check following the unspoken dating etiquette. Those who insist on them paying get pass to date 2.
Even though I just wanted to order small drinks and he was the one “generously” ordering a whole bottle and lots of food. The bill was $100 and it’s nothing by my income level but typically first date bill for a man would be $30 max - couple drinks or coffee. This left me with unpleasant aftertaste. In my books, it’s the person who invites and orders more food pays. I feel like he didn’t try to impress me and I somehow felt used since he was physical (hands all over me, kisses etc). I didn’t really reject his advances and he’s a great kisser, but he did this in public and it pushed my comfort level somewhat.
He is a foreigner. Maybe that’s part of why he failed the test. Am I in the wrong here ?
Your reasoning is stupid. If you make half a million a year, it means that you are somebody in your profession, and that paired with you having been married before puts you at least at 35 if not older. What the heck are you doing making out in public on a first date? Is this what you do on all dates?
Per your payment test, your mammas rules work in a situation where the guy has been courting you for at least a bit, and then invites you out. You guys have gone past the quick physical chemistry test. In your situation, you find a guy online and want him to act in a different way.
We are both execs in our 40s; he’s 2 years younger. One of the reasons I was uncomfortable kissing in a hotspot bar. I told him but he did pull me towards himself couple times pretty authoritarian and said - why do you care? Who cares ? He’s from LA if that matters.
I’m not interested in being a hot mamma for some horny Latino guy
Now you sound racist. Good job. 😬
Anonymous
08/14/2024 13:59
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.
this.
man who goes on many many dates
coz i'm hot and rich
when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split
when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead
OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk
DP - but all you are agreeing to is that when the man pays he wants to f*** you. Not a relationship. Not long term. Just getting in your pants. And thats the kind of man you want?
You are all kinds of backwards. But youre also a troll so its fine.
Those who don't want to pay end up even shorter: they expect the woman to plan dates, pay for them, and it's not even worth trying. A great relationship starts with great chemistry. If a man feels like chemistry is not there to care pick up the tab, it's not worth my time to consider them for anything, including only sex.
So you want guys to pay for you and only then you'll f*** them? Like a prostitute? Is that common in your country?
It’s common for men anywhere in the world to treat a women first few dates if he wants sex or relationship. Friends also can treat - it doesn’t make the person who accepts advances or a generous friendly gesture a prostitute.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 13:47
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.
this.
man who goes on many many dates
coz i'm hot and rich
when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split
when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead
OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk
DP - but all you are agreeing to is that when the man pays he wants to f*** you. Not a relationship. Not long term. Just getting in your pants. And thats the kind of man you want?
You are all kinds of backwards. But youre also a troll so its fine.
Those who don't want to pay end up even shorter: they expect the woman to plan dates, pay for them, and it's not even worth trying. A great relationship starts with great chemistry. If a man feels like chemistry is not there to care pick up the tab, it's not worth my time to consider them for anything, including only sex.
So you want guys to pay for you and only then you'll f*** them? Like a prostitute? Is that common in your country?
Anonymous
08/14/2024 13:41
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.
this.
man who goes on many many dates
coz i'm hot and rich
when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split
when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead
OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk
DP - but all you are agreeing to is that when the man pays he wants to f*** you. Not a relationship. Not long term. Just getting in your pants. And thats the kind of man you want?
You are all kinds of backwards. But youre also a troll so its fine.
Those who don't want to pay end up even shorter: they expect the woman to plan dates, pay for them, and it's not even worth trying. A great relationship starts with great chemistry. If a man feels like chemistry is not there to care pick up the tab, it's not worth my time to consider them for anything, including only sex.
Anonymous
08/14/2024 13:37
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:1. Your test is idiotic. Don’t offer to split if you don’t mean it.
2. Learn to honor and express your preferences and set boundaries. You didn’t like how physical your date was getting. Work on feeling comfortable speaking up and saying so.
You’re not compatible. Move on.
I don’t think it’s an idiotic test. I was taught by my mother “a decent woman always offers to split and a decent men always politely declines at 1st date”. So far, it helped me to weed out people with hidden intentions of using me or keeping score in relationships
Wow your mother failed
Anonymous
08/14/2024 13:36
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.
this.
man who goes on many many dates
coz i'm hot and rich
when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split
when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead
OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk
so are you hot or not?
i'm guessing NOT
non-hotties do not do shit tests. it always backfires on them. as the many respondents on this thread have pointed out to you+
rofl
Anonymous
08/14/2024 13:32
Subject: Failed my test
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He prob agreed to split the bill bc he realized he didn’t want a second date.
this.
man who goes on many many dates
coz i'm hot and rich
when i want to get in her panties, i always pay 101% even if she insists to split
when i'm feeling ugh, i'm like sure you wanna split it? go right ahead
OP here: yes, I know how men think (assign mental "hotness scores" to women). Your post above confirms I should use the test to figure early on where I stand for him, and not waste my time for being someone's temporary pillow talk
DP - but all you are agreeing to is that when the man pays he wants to f*** you. Not a relationship. Not long term. Just getting in your pants. And thats the kind of man you want?
You are all kinds of backwards. But youre also a troll so its fine.