Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:29     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:Here is what a typical 30-something will expect of her husband:
- Time: especially when she has her first baby. She’ll expect you to be there for everything and love it as much as a first-time parent. Take your turns with late nights. Take paternity leave to take care of her and the baby. Keep a quiet house - under no circumstances should your teenagers invite other noisy teens over with a new baby.
- 50/50 parenting and housework: nothing and no one else will absolve you of your responsibility to do half. If you have something with older kids one night or weekend, be prepared to give her a night or weekend off, too.
- hanging out with other families with babies. Your wife will need to build a social network of friends in your new life stage. You need to be a part of it.
- Don’t shortchange your wife and new kids financially, physically, or emotionally.

If you're rational and love or care about the woman you're dating, you realize you can't meet her expectations and should get out of the way so she can find someone who doesn't already have kids and an ex-wife.


No wonder so many women in their 30s are still childless. And now I understand why more and more of them are going into their 40s still childless and single. And I agree with them by the way they should not compromise. I just hope they are not delusional by the few success stories they hear and think that the pool of potential men is big enough. At that age it's tough.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:25     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.


This is pretty naive thinking on your part. This would be true whether OP was male or female. See the many posts on blended families to see how the original kids felt when a parent had a new child with a new spouse. Some people make it work but to say there will be no change is truly naive.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:20     Subject: This is tough....
Here is what a typical 30-something will expect of her husband:
- Time: especially when she has her first baby. She’ll expect you to be there for everything and love it as much as a first-time parent. Take your turns with late nights. Take paternity leave to take care of her and the baby. Keep a quiet house - under no circumstances should your teenagers invite other noisy teens over with a new baby.
- 50/50 parenting and housework: nothing and no one else will absolve you of your responsibility to do half. If you have something with older kids one night or weekend, be prepared to give her a night or weekend off, too.
- hanging out with other families with babies. Your wife will need to build a social network of friends in your new life stage. You need to be a part of it.
- Don’t shortchange your wife and new kids financially, physically, or emotionally.

If you're rational and love or care about the woman you're dating, you realize you can't meet her expectations and should get out of the way so she can find someone who doesn't already have kids and an ex-wife.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:20     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.


This is magical thinking. It is normal early in a relationship, but it's not sustainable and it's not helping you make good choices.

Think about your day-to-day life when your kids are with you. When do you wake up? What do they do? What activities do they have? How does dinner go? How does bedtime go? What do the weekends look like? Do they invite friends over? Do you take them to soccer practice? Swim team? Do you go downtown and hit a museum?

Now add an infant/toddler/preschooler to that routine. What does it look like now? What do meals look like? Can you still coach their soccer team with a toddler on the sidelines? Can you take that trip to Calgary to see the rodeo that you always promised them you would all do when they were bigger? Can they still have friends over, or are you worried they will wake up the baby?

I believe you are smart enough to do the math here, but the idea that nothing would change is just silly.



I am not OP. But there are women in the same exact scenario as OP. Can those women do everything you have asked?


Very few women are looking to start a new family in their 50s. I've never seen that in all of my time on this site, or in my actual life. Nor would a woman ever say that "nothing would change" if they had a baby when their other kids were already teens. I literally cannot imagine a woman being that clueless.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:18     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lol this thread is confirmation that divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods and f***ked. Man the attacks on this guy just for saying he is willing to have another child wow


I don't think divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods. I think a guy who swings back and forth on wanting kids in his late 40s, and whose current opinion is based on being d*ckmatized by a younger GF, is damaged goods and needs to think long and hard before wasting the GF's time.


So what should such men do? I guess #1 they should not remarry because they have small kids. What else should they do?


You are confused. The debate is whether OP should start another family at 50+, not whether he should remarry at all.

I think OP needs to decide what he wants, and think about the consequences. If he really wants another child, and he's ready to deal with the fallout for his lifestyle and that of his existing kids, then fine. But it's clear that OP thought he was done with kids, and that this change of heart is entirely about what his GF of one month might want.

So, what should a man like OP do? A man like OP should decide what he wants. Does he want more kids, or does he want to be done. Then pick his partner accordingly. But being swayed on something this important is a recipe for disaster.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:18     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.


This is magical thinking. It is normal early in a relationship, but it's not sustainable and it's not helping you make good choices.

Think about your day-to-day life when your kids are with you. When do you wake up? What do they do? What activities do they have? How does dinner go? How does bedtime go? What do the weekends look like? Do they invite friends over? Do you take them to soccer practice? Swim team? Do you go downtown and hit a museum?

Now add an infant/toddler/preschooler to that routine. What does it look like now? What do meals look like? Can you still coach their soccer team with a toddler on the sidelines? Can you take that trip to Calgary to see the rodeo that you always promised them you would all do when they were bigger? Can they still have friends over, or are you worried they will wake up the baby?

I believe you are smart enough to do the math here, but the idea that nothing would change is just silly.



I am not OP. But there are women in the same exact scenario as OP. Can those women do everything you have asked?
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:16     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.


It's because men like you don't know how to blend families. Go date someone your own age or preferably older. You should be dating a divorced woman in her 50s who can no longer have kids and who is closed to being an empty nester. I don't know why you are even dating women in their mod 30s. So gross. You both need therapy. Your girlfriend likely has self esteem issue and you are not helping her. You are taking advantage of someone who wants to have a child and is running out of time. Let her find someone single and closer to her age. You sound like a creep ew.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:15     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.


This is magical thinking. It is normal early in a relationship, but it's not sustainable and it's not helping you make good choices.

Think about your day-to-day life when your kids are with you. When do you wake up? What do they do? What activities do they have? How does dinner go? How does bedtime go? What do the weekends look like? Do they invite friends over? Do you take them to soccer practice? Swim team? Do you go downtown and hit a museum?

Now add an infant/toddler/preschooler to that routine. What does it look like now? What do meals look like? Can you still coach their soccer team with a toddler on the sidelines? Can you take that trip to Calgary to see the rodeo that you always promised them you would all do when they were bigger? Can they still have friends over, or are you worried they will wake up the baby?

I believe you are smart enough to do the math here, but the idea that nothing would change is just silly.

Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 09:06     Subject: This is tough....
OP here. I do not understand how me having another child will impact my relationship with my current kids. Nothing will change. From the start I told my girlfriend that my kids are very important to me. I have had to cancel dates with her and I also do not see her as much as I want to because i value my time with my kids. The assumption that I will just give up on them is strange to me. I love my children.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 08:55     Subject: This is tough....
OP if you want positive feedback date women who are 50+ or even 60+. You will be showered with praise then. Don't date women under 40 or even in their 40s like you. You are simply too old. But then again women on their 50s may look at you as too old as well. These women are going even younger.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 08:53     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Lol this thread is confirmation that divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods and f***ked. Man the attacks on this guy just for saying he is willing to have another child wow


I don't think divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods. I think a guy who swings back and forth on wanting kids in his late 40s, and whose current opinion is based on being d*ckmatized by a younger GF, is damaged goods and needs to think long and hard before wasting the GF's time.


So what should such men do? I guess #1 they should not remarry because they have small kids. What else should they do?
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 08:50     Subject: This is tough....
I remarried at 45 and my ex wife went crazy. She tried to alleviate our kids against me. She tried to prevent the kids from attending my wedding. She went to court to extract more money for child support. To this day she is still bitter. But it's a HER problem most people men or women are not irrational like that. If you want to marry your gf and have another child do it. If it works great. If it fails then it's likely your last shot...
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 08:39     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:Lol this thread is confirmation that divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods and f***ked. Man the attacks on this guy just for saying he is willing to have another child wow


I don't think divorced men in their 40s are damaged goods. I think a guy who swings back and forth on wanting kids in his late 40s, and whose current opinion is based on being d*ckmatized by a younger GF, is damaged goods and needs to think long and hard before wasting the GF's time.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 08:36     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m a woman, and no bitterness or jealousy is causing me to feel creeped out by your post. You seem to be acting on impulse and not thinking clearly. Every child deserves careful consideration, and keep in mind that situations change….one of your children may have increased needs and you may struggle to provide if torn between two families. Please - Do right by the kids you currently have and wait and see if girlfriend situation stands the test of time. Don’t be a deadbeat or get into a situation where girlfriend takes all.


You make valid points. However these same issues you are raising people do not apply them to women. When it comes to remarrying or having more children post divorce on this forum for strange reasons it's always the men who are told to pause and think about it.


Last month I attended a wedding for a woman who was 48 with 2 kids. I believe they were 7 and 9. It was her second marriage. I don't know if the guy had kids nor do I know his age but he looks much younger. She probably had to wrestle with the same questions as you OP. I wish them luck that's all I can say. Some of the comments here have a hint of jealousy or mistrust not sure how to characterize it. But when people are saying you should focus on your current kids over your own happiness they will not put it the same way if you were the ex wife. It seems as if by default people assume when men remarry they will simply abandon and/or neglect their first kids.


The stats use to bear that out. It’s why we have child support laws.
Anonymous
Post 06/30/2024 08:35     Subject: This is tough....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here again. I am not worried about the financials. I am paying child support and my kids are not lacking anything nor will I neglect them if I have another child. As I said it is not my intention to remarry and have more kids but I really love my current girlfriend and if she says she wants to marry because she wants a child I would do it. But of course I am worried being a new dad all over again as I am entering my 50s.


So you’ve got at best a little over a year of college saved for your children at today’s cost and you are already thinking about starting a new family? Grow up. You sound like a troll or a loser.


No wonder colleges are increasing tuition yearly at an absurd rate with these kind of parents saying and accepting that $100k per year is normal age aye


I’m not saying it should be 100k per year but 100k in total is not much

Of course it’s not much if you want to go to a college where the tuition is $70k.
But you don’t have to. There are many great and more affordable options available.