Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 14:46     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Anonymous wrote:I married in 1998. After first kid in 2000 my wife decided she wanted to be SAHM. She actually had resentment her Mom worked and never there for her. Never a parent in stands, walking home alone no one to pick her up.

I was making 61k at time. It was crazy as she was making 68k. I let her do it.

I had rock on my back needed to earn more. By 2004 doubled my salary. By 2010 I as making 310k by 2915 making 360k.

The man with a SAHM wife, mortgage and three kids will out-earn the guy with 1-2 kids and a working wife by double! Maybe 5x.

It is selfish for women to work


WTF are you smoking?

I met my husband in 1996 and we were both making around the same as you and your wife at 26 years old. We got married at 28. My Fed job allowed him the security to run wild with his career and take risks (since we had my substantial health benefits and Fed salary to fall back on). He was making $500k by 32. I never quit my job and I was always home with my flexible Fed schedule and then WAH in the early 2000s. So while my salary didn't shoot up like his, I make around $200k today and have about $2.5 million in my own TSP fed savings plan.

The man with a wife making $ at a flexible job will outearn the man with the SAHM wife, mortgage and three kids...and we now have two mortgages on homes worth $2million paid off before our first starts college next year.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 13:33     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I married in 1998. After first kid in 2000 my wife decided she wanted to be SAHM. She actually had resentment her Mom worked and never there for her. Never a parent in stands, walking home alone no one to pick her up.

I was making 61k at time. It was crazy as she was making 68k. I let her do it.

I had rock on my back needed to earn more. By 2004 doubled my salary. By 2010 I as making 310k by 2915 making 360k.

The man with a SAHM wife, mortgage and three kids will out-earn the guy with 1-2 kids and a working wife by double! Maybe 5x.

It is selfish for women to work



Agree. I love staying at home and going to the gym for 2 hours in the morning. Almost ALL the working moms/women I know have really let themselves go, and most (but not all) of their husbands have gotten fat too. I make sure my husband has time in his daily schedule to get to the gym for at LEAST an hour on week days.


This is the exact routine at my house and your observations ring 100% true in my observation as well.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 13:32     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Anonymous wrote:I married in 1998. After first kid in 2000 my wife decided she wanted to be SAHM. She actually had resentment her Mom worked and never there for her. Never a parent in stands, walking home alone no one to pick her up.

I was making 61k at time. It was crazy as she was making 68k. I let her do it.

I had rock on my back needed to earn more. By 2004 doubled my salary. By 2010 I as making 310k by 2915 making 360k.

The man with a SAHM wife, mortgage and three kids will out-earn the guy with 1-2 kids and a working wife by double! Maybe 5x.

It is selfish for women to work


Similar story for me, married in 2005 (43M). When you need to earn, you earn. And those of us from the latchkey generation saw what a bunch of bullsh!t that was. Feminism my a$$--more like the disempowerment of women by bringing them under corporate control.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 13:27     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Anonymous wrote:I married in 1998. After first kid in 2000 my wife decided she wanted to be SAHM. She actually had resentment her Mom worked and never there for her. Never a parent in stands, walking home alone no one to pick her up.

I was making 61k at time. It was crazy as she was making 68k. I let her do it.

I had rock on my back needed to earn more. By 2004 doubled my salary. By 2010 I as making 310k by 2915 making 360k.

The man with a SAHM wife, mortgage and three kids will out-earn the guy with 1-2 kids and a working wife by double! Maybe 5x.

It is selfish for women to work



Agree. I love staying at home and going to the gym for 2 hours in the morning. Almost ALL the working moms/women I know have really let themselves go, and most (but not all) of their husbands have gotten fat too. I make sure my husband has time in his daily schedule to get to the gym for at LEAST an hour on week days.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 13:19     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
I married in 1998. After first kid in 2000 my wife decided she wanted to be SAHM. She actually had resentment her Mom worked and never there for her. Never a parent in stands, walking home alone no one to pick her up.

I was making 61k at time. It was crazy as she was making 68k. I let her do it.

I had rock on my back needed to earn more. By 2004 doubled my salary. By 2010 I as making 310k by 2915 making 360k.

The man with a SAHM wife, mortgage and three kids will out-earn the guy with 1-2 kids and a working wife by double! Maybe 5x.

It is selfish for women to work
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 09:54     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
I’m 55, married for 30 years. My lifelong dream was to be a housewife (that’s what we called it). I dated accordingly and always conveyed and discussed my goals and values.

DH and I married with a plan: we’d live on his income and bank my (modest) salary until I quit to have a baby. I did exactly this and we have 3 DC. Resumed working almost 20 years later, part time. Just left that career perhaps forever- to handle elder care and prep for our own relocation/downsizing.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 09:41     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
If I had enough money, I would totally want my spouse and adult kids to not have to work but do whatever makes them happy, even if its no work, low paying work, business, adventure, raising family, cleaning neighborhood park, running for office, becoming astronaut or whatever.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 09:38     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?

Everyone (men or women)should strive for financial independence for themselves and their spouse and kids. If you have that then you get freedom to choose. You can pick your projects, your hours, your team, your causes, your physical health, your hobbies, your mental health, your social connections.

Our mentality is rigged, we think like minions and not just for ourselves but can't see anyone else making different choices. How dare someone can stray from given paths and betray us all by a different lifestyle?
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 08:45     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
The dream is not to have a stay at home wife. It is just a preference.

I’m a SAHM. DH definitely likes having a well educated pretty SAHM wife to raise his children.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 08:38     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My husband and I both have good jobs but we don't work crazy hours (I'm a lawyer but I work for the government, not a firm). Either of us could work insane hours and fully support the whole family very comfortably but by splitting the load we both have jobs where we can go games, or concerts and spend lots of time with the kids.

Much, much rather have a spouse who's a super involved parent than one who works constantly.


My wife is a lawyer by training but hasn't worked since we have kids. I am a lawyer in private practice. I work more than if I worked for the govt, but not that much more, and I'm very involved with the kids. It only gets easier the more senior I get. I would guess that overall, we work less in household than you and your spouse do in yours, so we have much more time to spend with our kids (and doing our things when we want to).


There's no way that you get to spend as much time with your kids as the PP or her husband do. You must work at least as many hours as they do. Yes, they're both working those hours, and only you are working those hours on your end, but I imagine PP and her husband appreciate that they BOTH spend a ton of time with their kids. Your wife spends more with your kids than you do. She has also put herself into a possible precarious position. So I'm glad you like your setup but it doesn't sound appealing to me.
Anonymous
Post 05/10/2024 07:34     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Anonymous wrote:What people are missing is that OP is talking about a man who just wants to make enough money that his wife does not HAVE to work. She could work, but his plan is to make enough that they have the flexibility to set their life up in the way that works for them, whether that's dual income with nannies or her taking some extended maternity leaves or her become a SAHM for all or part of their kids lives. Options. Who does not want options?

Men do not get pregnant or give birth or breastfeed, they don't go through the massive hormonal changes having kids works on a woman. So to me, a man who says he wants to give his wife the option of not working IF SHE CHOOSES is sexy AF, because he's recognizing that if they have kids, she's going to do something he can't do, so he's looking for ways to make it easier. That's awesome. Many/most men don't think about their wife or family unit that way, as being something they can plan for and support. Many memories take it for granted that their wives will have kids and go right back to work like it was nothing. A lot of men come late to the realization that we ask a lot of women when it comes to building families, and basically their wives have to educate them on it on the fly, like her actually it's kind of a big deal to ask me to go back to working 40 hours weeks given what my body and brain and emotions just went through.

OP wants an unselfish man who wants kids and wants to give his family options. That sounds hot. She never said she wanted a man who wouldn't allow his wife to work, or even that her goal was to SAHM for the rest of her life. She just wants a man who wants to do asuch to provide for his family as his wife does in doing the work of having kids.



I second this. People who said OP s selfish, lazy doesn’t want to work are jealous that some one can fine a partne like that.
I think women ( and men ) should know what they want, not afraid to ask for it, and don’t settled.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2024 21:39     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes

I worked my but off to make it so my spouse would not have to work. I don't wish working upon anyone, why would I want my house to have to work?

Having one spouse not working makes everything easier. Life logistics, events, travel.

I feel that our relationship has also benefited tremendously. Lunch/day dates are great. Even just going to the grocery store in the middle of the day when we feel like instead of cramming it into a busy weekend or late night removes stress and urgency.

Anything that I can do or we can do together to make life (especially DW's) as stress free as possible, I am all in.

Relationship run into issues when one partner thinks because they work they are relieved of all other responsibilities. My wife is better with the hands on stuff. I am better at the big picture stuff. I plan travel, make and go to Dr. appointments, do school pick up and drop off, handle a good chunk of other logistics and life needs.


Well said. The same in my house, married for 19 years, 4 children, we're very happy.

Interdependence is a crucial thing. Independence and dependence are both enemies of happy marriages.

I rely on my wife and think she is priceless and irreplaceable. She relies on me and tells me the same.

You all hedging your bets in case of divorce sound tiresome and miserable. Burn your ships, be all in.

Well, yeah, she would be homeless and have $0 without her work horse.


Only if the horse was an ahole. Not all me are.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2024 20:04     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Trust fund babies don't need money from their wife or their husband.

https://www.nydailynews.com/2012/06/24/defense-attorney-roy-kulcsar-disbarred-for-using-inmates-to-recruit-new-clients/

Also she has job, her influencer garbage.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2024 19:12     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
Of course there are men who want to earn enough so that their wife has the choice to SAHM. It’s only revolutionary thinking on DCUM. Fairly standard out in the real world.
Anonymous
Post 05/09/2024 18:55     Subject: Are there really men whose dream it is to have their wife not need to work?
It's cheaper in the long run to have a SAHW/M for the other spouse too.