Anonymous
03/31/2024 19:01
Subject: s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Heavy investigation of the future in-laws.
Go on vacation with them.
Ask how close they are to their families of origin.
My DH is very close to his family and they present as Leave It To Beaver wholesome until they think the coast is clear. My in laws outright helped DH hide things from me, such as an institutionalized schizophrenic uncle and my sister in law having a severe drug addiction (that died of after I married DH). Some families are really no good.
If we’re going to start blacklisting entire families because someone, somewhere in the family tree had a mental illness, then no one is ever getting married again.
One of my parents has four siblings. One of the siblings is an alcoholic with mental illness who lives in such complete filth that no one can even enter his house; everyone just gives him some money when his situation becomes especially dire. The other four siblings are productive members of society, in the middle or upper-middle class, and are in 40+ year marriages.
Mental illness can be idiopathic. Heredity does not account for all mental illness.
Anonymous
03/31/2024 18:54
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
No one of any religion or culture needs to stay married to an emotionally abusive mentally disordered person.
Don’t accommodate dysfunction.
Their parent should have gotten them professional help. Too late now.
You aren’t just moving the goalposts, you’re dropping new ones all over the field!
You are a textbook example of a person who should simply not get married. (And that’s okay, you are not required to get married!)
Don’t be a blockhead.
A chronically mentally disordered person can ruin everyone around them.
Unlike someone with cancer or a missing limb can or would.
We all know the difference, even a priest and rabbi, so go harp your cliches elsewhere.
Yes, cancer is notoriously stabilizing for families.
Anonymous
03/31/2024 18:29
Subject: s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Heavy investigation of the future in-laws.
Go on vacation with them.
Ask how close they are to their families of origin.
My DH is very close to his family and they present as Leave It To Beaver wholesome until they think the coast is clear. My in laws outright helped DH hide things from me, such as an institutionalized schizophrenic uncle and my sister in law having a severe drug addiction (that died of after I married DH). Some families are really no good.
If we’re going to start blacklisting entire families because someone, somewhere in the family tree had a mental illness, then no one is ever getting married again.
One of my parents has four siblings. One of the siblings is an alcoholic with mental illness who lives in such complete filth that no one can even enter his house; everyone just gives him some money when his situation becomes especially dire. The other four siblings are productive members of society, in the middle or upper-middle class, and are in 40+ year marriages.
Anonymous
03/31/2024 18:27
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
No one of any religion or culture needs to stay married to an emotionally abusive mentally disordered person.
Don’t accommodate dysfunction.
Their parent should have gotten them professional help. Too late now.
I agree with you. I posted about my ex husband and how he developed bipolar disorder in his early 30s with the birth of our daughter. The mania was something I do not wish on anyway. I supported him for over ten years but he would not stay on his meds and he drank. He caused a lot of destruction to our lives and those around him. “In sickness and in health” is ridiculous when you are being abused by a manic partner who doesn’t even remember their actions when they are in it. Clearly the PP has never experienced serious mental illness and dysfunction.
Incorrect.
Anonymous
03/31/2024 18:14
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
No one of any religion or culture needs to stay married to an emotionally abusive mentally disordered person.
Don’t accommodate dysfunction.
Their parent should have gotten them professional help. Too late now.
I agree with you. I posted about my ex husband and how he developed bipolar disorder in his early 30s with the birth of our daughter. The mania was something I do not wish on anyway. I supported him for over ten years but he would not stay on his meds and he drank. He caused a lot of destruction to our lives and those around him. “In sickness and in health” is ridiculous when you are being abused by a manic partner who doesn’t even remember their actions when they are in it. Clearly the PP has never experienced serious mental illness and dysfunction.
Anonymous
03/31/2024 18:06
Subject: s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:My sister married someone who was mentally ill. Here were some of the tells:
*Unreallistic expectations and plans about life in general and in specifics
*Gaps in personal history, stories don’t add up (My dad and I both wondered if he had been in a hospital or something due to vague timelines/missing details on years)
*Fibs/fabulism/exaggerations/lies (delusions)
*Immature for age
*Difficulty with goals
What was the illness? How did she handle it? Did she get divorced?
Anonymous
03/31/2024 15:41
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
Well, you need to give marriage your best but if there is toxicity beyond repair, you don't need to sacrifice at the alter. Almost every religion gives you right to divorce.
As far as moral obligation, you are absolved from it if other party commits infidelity, abuse or fraud of any nature and reconciliation isn't likely to bring harmony.
Anonymous
03/31/2024 14:12
Subject: s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Worry less about mental illness and more about personality disorders. Screen for those by assessing for empathy. Any sign that empathy is missing, run for the hills. I learned that the hard way and it has caused me significant trauma.
If you want your husband to be a woman, the good news is that this is legal in every state since Obergefell.
Anonymous
03/31/2024 12:17
Subject: s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Worry less about mental illness and more about personality disorders. Screen for those by assessing for empathy. Any sign that empathy is missing, run for the hills. I learned that the hard way and it has caused me significant trauma.
Anonymous
03/30/2024 23:57
Subject: s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Not a great message to send to all your teens and young adults with mental illnesses disorders. You shouldn’t date or marry as people need to avoid you. No one should have to take on mental health issues in a partner.
Do you really all tell your children they need to stay single.
The number of people on anti anxiety meds and antidepressants means an awful lot of people who should have stayed single.
Do you really all tell your children they need to stay single.
The number of people on anti anxiety meds and antidepressants means an awful lot of people who should have stayed single.
Anonymous
03/30/2024 20:29
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
No one of any religion or culture needs to stay married to an emotionally abusive mentally disordered person.
Don’t accommodate dysfunction.
Their parent should have gotten them professional help. Too late now.
You aren’t just moving the goalposts, you’re dropping new ones all over the field!
You are a textbook example of a person who should simply not get married. (And that’s okay, you are not required to get married!)
Don’t be a blockhead.
A chronically mentally disordered person can ruin everyone around them.
Unlike someone with cancer or a missing limb can or would.
We all know the difference, even a priest and rabbi, so go harp your cliches elsewhere.
Don’t worry, I don’t think you’ll need to worry about marriage anytime soon.
But to answer the original question, in your particular case a huge red flag would be someone being interested in marrying you in the first place. Such a person would obviously be some combination of mentally ill/desperate/completely lacking in judgement…
Anonymous
03/30/2024 18:37
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
No one of any religion or culture needs to stay married to an emotionally abusive mentally disordered person.
Don’t accommodate dysfunction.
Their parent should have gotten them professional help. Too late now.
You aren’t just moving the goalposts, you’re dropping new ones all over the field!
You are a textbook example of a person who should simply not get married. (And that’s okay, you are not required to get married!)
Don’t be a blockhead.
A chronically mentally disordered person can ruin everyone around them.
Unlike someone with cancer or a missing limb can or would.
We all know the difference, even a priest and rabbi, so go harp your cliches elsewhere.
Anonymous
03/30/2024 18:34
Subject: s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
If he or she has been married before, ask to see their divorce file. That will tell you a lot.
Just ask for the case number and see for yourself.
Just ask for the case number and see for yourself.
Anonymous
03/30/2024 18:31
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
No one of any religion or culture needs to stay married to an emotionally abusive mentally disordered person.
Don’t accommodate dysfunction.
Their parent should have gotten them professional help. Too late now.
You aren’t just moving the goalposts, you’re dropping new ones all over the field!
You are a textbook example of a person who should simply not get married. (And that’s okay, you are not required to get married!)
Anonymous
03/30/2024 18:21
Subject: Re:s/o How do we screen potential spouses for mental illness?
Anonymous wrote:If you’re not serious about the “in sickness and in health” part, then just don’t get married.
No one of any religion or culture needs to stay married to an emotionally abusive mentally disordered person.
Don’t accommodate dysfunction.
Their parent should have gotten them professional help. Too late now.