I am divorced (almost) and have no desire to marry again. We have two kids and I really value my independence. I also had a mom who made a bad choice in remarrying - never say never but it would take a lot for me to marry again. I hated fighting about day to day crap and love being able to make my own choices re decor, vacations, even what to eat for dinner!

Anonymous wrote:If someone sticks a needle in my eye, why would I pull it out and stick it back in again?

Amen!

It’s just as easy to emotionally walk away from a relationship as it is from a marriage: marriage conveys no certainty other than that it’s very expensive to get out of.

I’m 48 and have waited six years to meet someone special. I’ve dated along the way for fun and sex when the right person came along. And I’ve met someone special. And they give me butterflies and make me excited to wake up every single morning.

The difference is now I come from a well rooted place where I’ve healed from my divorce and I was waking up happy before I met this person- and I’ll wake up happy again should this person leave. Because I’m happy and whole.

When I entered into my marriage I was seeking completion. I was codependent and wanted a family so badly that I overlooked all of the red flags. Our marriage produced truly great children, but nearly cost me my life. So much destruction came from my exH. It was wanton and cruel and bizarre and scary.

I’m just not interested in worrying about promising anything more than today to a partner. That’s what love really is / it’s showing up every day, invested. NOT literally every day- I love to have lots of space and then meaningful fun quality time together with a partner. No blending families. No cohabitating. No mingling of finances.

I’m so happy for people who have great marriages. My whole family is full of truly healthy ones, ones that are rooted in deep love and mutual respect. Imperfect but real and loving. My experience was really bad. I own my role in that and the flags I overlooked and the choices I made. I don’t fault the institution- but I also don’t want it again, for me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Male here, there’s no need. At 58 I’ve launched my kids who are all doing very well so I have the family I want and the odds are high that someone else’s family has a problem child or two and I don’t need that. I have a very high NW and getting married would require a prenup and I don’t need the hassle. I have plenty of female companionship and I’m happy to spoil them with travel etc but I’m free to do my own thing at any time. At the same time lightening could strike but there are a lot of boxes that would need to be checked before I got married again.

+1 Man here and this is similar to my situation. I'm 54 with a net worth north of $14M (even after my divorce) and have two launched "normal" kids who are doing great. I'm in good shape, cycling several hundred miles a week and very independent. I spend time between my house in Arlington and my two vacation houses both alone, with my kids, friends, and female companions. I just don't see myself ever getting married again. Not sure what I would gain from it. I'm very content. I have had two longer term girlfriends, and it was fun for a while. They were attractive with successful careers. We traveled a lot, shared a lot of experiences and had a lot of sex but both eventually started talking about marriage and I just wasn't interested, despite them saying they would sign an airtight pre-nup (without me even asking about it). In the end, I just like my independence and frankly I think I was getting bored. I don't want someone trying to "change" me. I'm sure there are women out there in the same situation.

I am one of the PP females (NW at 45 over $5mm, will be around $7mm at your age). I think all these answers are evidently showing the consumerism based attitude to relationship. Instant gratification and give nothing in return. All men would say their GFs are attractive, young, successful etc. But none of them say they were in love with any of their partners, experienced a companionship, truly enjoyed that person being next to them every day.

I had an 18-years marriage which unfortunately ended in exH adultery, and he's still very bitter about me ending it. But it didn't make me bitter, or stop believing in love and companionship. We were inseparable for the first 15 good years, and never did we experience this level or resentment or desire to be left alone. I still miss spousal sex.

Nothing is forever or can be 100% predicted in life. Most people are transactional and truly lost the ability to feel anymore. If I meet someone who gives me this sense of "relative-like" closeness, butterflies, sexual satisfaction and becomes my best friend, I would consider it a great luck, even if it only lasts a few years. I'm too wealthy to seriously consider my exH social security as reason not to remarry.

And I did met several giving, kind, and successful men on OLD who were marriage material. Those who want and look for relationship material find it.

Anonymous wrote:Male here, there’s no need. At 58 I’ve launched my kids who are all doing very well so I have the family I want and the odds are high that someone else’s family has a problem child or two and I don’t need that. I have a very high NW and getting married would require a prenup and I don’t need the hassle. I have plenty of female companionship and I’m happy to spoil them with travel etc but I’m free to do my own thing at any time. At the same time lightening could strike but there are a lot of boxes that would need to be checked before I got married again.

+1 Man here and this is similar to my situation. I'm 54 with a net worth north of $14M (even after my divorce) and have two launched "normal" kids who are doing great. I'm in good shape, cycling several hundred miles a week and very independent. I spend time between my house in Arlington and my two vacation houses both alone, with my kids, friends, and female companions. I just don't see myself ever getting married again. Not sure what I would gain from it. I'm very content. I have had two longer term girlfriends, and it was fun for a while. They were attractive with successful careers. We traveled a lot, shared a lot of experiences and had a lot of sex but both eventually started talking about marriage and I just wasn't interested, despite them saying they would sign an airtight pre-nup (without me even asking about it). In the end, I just like my independence and frankly I think I was getting bored. I don't want someone trying to "change" me. I'm sure there are women out there in the same situation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

I know I okay a role on the dysfunction. Never should have married this person to begin w. I’m not a victim martyr. And I would not want to marry again. Period.

I played a role.

Anonymous wrote:Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

I know I okay a role on the dysfunction. Never should have married this person to begin w. I’m not a victim martyr. And I would not want to marry again. Period.

Reading these posts from women is entertaining. The women think they are not the cause or partial cause of the divorce and have everything going for them. Get real. Most divorced women I know, and I admit I don't know that many, are out of their prime looks-wise and have attitudes. The divorced men I know say the same thing about not getting remarried. Sure divorced women may have successful careers and money but so do a lot of single/divorced guys I know. I don't any of them would look to have a relationship with any of you. Just a quick roll in the hay if you were attractive and then that's it. Enjoy your independence.

Anonymous wrote:The men in my generation want too much and offer too little in return. Gen X men want women with Boomer values and millennial money. No thanks. Never again.

Wait...millennial money?!? Most millennials are broke.

Guy here. I've been married 30 years to a wonderful woman. We have two adult kids and our own successful careers. We would both be fine financially if we were on our own. We have had ups and downs like any marriage. We've learned to compromise. I'm looking forward to spending my retirement years with wife, traveling, visiting the kids, etc. For all the reasons the women posting here state for not remarrying, if something were to happen to my marriage, I would probably feel the same way. I doubt any woman could ever replace my awesome wife.

Just remember though, it takes two to tango. Would love to hear the guy's side of the story on your failed marriages.

Anonymous wrote:I feel like I see so many posts from people who are considering divorce or divorced and say they have no expectations of remarriage and neither should anyone else considering divorce. Is that because their experience was so terrible that they are skeptical a new experience will be different? Or because marriage for them was always just about kids and pointless if kids aren't involved? Or because they don't want to be on the hook for taking care of a new older person? Or because they dont think anyone worthwhile will want to marry a 40/50/60/70 something man/ woman etc? or other.

Have you ever been married? Doesn’t sound like it.

I cannot imagine ever feeling the way I feel about my husband with anyone else. This relationship has been everything and more than I could have expected and for that I realized we are blessed. It’s not what happens in most marriages as evidenced in our own families. I will be content enjoying what we have built together, our families and my career.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The men in my generation want too much and offer too little in return. Gen X men want women with Boomer values and millennial money. No thanks. Never again.

This is a great way of explaining it. The level of entitlement and greed from men who offer nothing beyond the bare minimum is truly disgusting. And what’s up with middle aged men overrating their looks?

I have a friend going through this right now. She is attractive, earns high six figures, owns her own house, and has good kids who are high-achievers. As soon as word got out that she was getting divorced, she started getting DMs and texts from men in her larger social circle. What was insane was just how little self-awareness these men had. Like the unemployed dad who is balding with a pot belly, who didn’t even want 50% custody of his kids. In what world would a man like that be remotely interesting to my friend? Yet he seems to think my friend is tripping over herself to date him. It’s delusional behavior.

I see this all the time. My ex’s fat friend with a friar tuck and three kids he barely sees made me what he described as a “fair offer.” He actually thought being a doctor made up for looking like Brian Stelter and having a heinous personality. I left the fool on read. Why would I divorce my husband only to have worse crawling between my thighs? Yeesh.

Anonymous wrote:I have spent thirty years taking care of everyone's needs except my own. I have zero interest in taking on more.

Bingo. What else is there to say? Life is good. I don't need anymore liabilities.

Anonymous wrote:It’s just too hard. I’m fairly happily married, but if that were to end I just cannot take on the neediness again, not to mention expectation of sex.

Me too. I actually love and adore my husband and hope we grow old together but if he passes there is no way in hell I am getting married again!! Our kids will be out of the house in five years, I have no desire to have any more kids, I make my own money, am currently the primary breadwinner, having a great family, have good friends, and I am totally and absolutely over sex and cleaning after other people. I honestly think I would be fine never having sex ever again. I only do it because it is important to my husband. This marriage is my one and only.

It's exhausting. I don't believe I'm capable of finding anyone who is not selfish and is as hard working as I am. For that, I am doing some serious reflection to see if I should just deal with this misery until my children are older or get out as soon as I can and free myself.

I also don't want anyone new in my space. And I don't want to be anyone's stepmother.