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Anonymous wrote:Tell him BEFORE you go out: “Gary, you are free to order a drink, an appetizer, an entree and a dessert. We are happy to pay, but if you choose to order a second entree, be sure to tell the waiter to put it on a separate check. We don’t want our kids growing up thinking it’s OK to take advantage when others are treating them. We don’t want them to think it is normal for someone to order two entrees on top of tons of food and drink on someone else’s dime. It’s not OK, it’s rude.”

This would be an insane conversation to have. I can’t imagine if my DIL said this to me.

If you can’t live with it, far better to eat at home or go somewhere cheaper. If he wants to go somewhere expensive just say “money is a bit tight at the moment so we would rather stay in tonight”. Then he might offer to pay.

Don't want a conversation like that? Don't act rude and entitled. There is no defense for ordering two entrees when someone else is paying. None. Inexcusable behavior.

This conversation should only be between child and parent. In-laws need to butt out. Clearly husband isn't as bothered or he would have said something now. OP is powerless in this situation which is why she moans uselessly here in reality she would never have the balls to say this in person. Her husband would probably be appalled and shut her down anyway. But keep fantasizing!

Oh honey, did you not read where OP canceled one of FIL's orders? I'd say that was pretty ballsy, and apparently DH did not "shut that down." You tried, though! You tried so hard.

My husband gets so exasperated and embarrassed when his dad does this. He has definitely said things in the past too. I thought I posted earlier how my husband literally cut a pie slice in half when father in law took a ridiculous piece of pie.

The time when one of our kids begged us to order a dessert (I called it a monster sundae), some ridiculous thing that cost nearly $20, we shut that down explaining to our kids that it was really unhealthy and really expensive. What do you say when Fil smirks and orders it FOR HIMSELF???? I genuinely thought to myself okay he’s undermining my parenting but I assumed he would take one bite and slide it down to my kids. He ate the entire thing, not offering a bite to anyone else, and then hid in the bathroom until we paid the bill.

There is no way he didn’t realize how annoyed we were, especially my husband. DH even said, you’re going to order this, even after hearing that whole discussion? And FIL smirked and said it looked really good.

Something isn’t right with him I think.

With the comments about hiding in the bathroom after gorging himself, wondering if FIL has an eating disorder/ is throwing up

My DHs step mother did this at Disneyland. We stopped to meet them in the hotel because they were bored of the park. We sat down in a restaurant / bar area because FIL wanted a drink, got kids chicken from the kids menu to share as a snack and step mother ordered a huge multicolored sundae that honestly looked disgusting to me was an absolute dream for my 5 year old and 7 year old. We had to tell them no because it would have made them sick, they had already a bunch of sweets in the park etc. This nasty cow of a person proceeded to ooh and aww about her gluttony, never offering any to the kids. It was really gross behavior. My kids were really behaved. I was so proud. After awhile of this, I said I needed something from the room and took the kids with me, got them each a toy they wanted in the gift shop on the way up.

Anonymous wrote:Am I a jerk for getting annoyed that FIL orders two entrees, an appetizer, and a dessert every time we pay the restaurant bill?

My husband and I are both feds and make a nice living but live pretty frugally since we have two kids with lots of expenses. Every time we visit our father in law who lives across the country or when he visits here, FIL insists we pay for everything. I find this annoying because FIL is wealthy (my husband has seen his financial records) and he brags about things like never flying economy when he visits Europe (which happens at least once a year).

FIL rarely pays for anything, ever except maybe the occasional fast food lunch where won’t let the kids order happy meals because they’re “too expensive”. I don’t know why this bugs me so much but it does. I have never seen anyone order two entrees at once. Is this normal? No he’s not fat, just chubby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

Sure! I hate wasted food and I hate people who eat more than 2-3 helpings when it isn’t a celebration. If it’s just a regular Saturday no one needs the chicken parm and the hamburger plus a side salad plus the calimari and wash that down with the monster sundae. No one needs to eat that much! And if you do choose to eat that much, fine but I don’t want to pay for it (especially since the dinner conversation was just listening to a lecture/rant). I don’t live very extravagantly so maybe that’s another psychological issue.

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

Sure! I hate wasted food and I hate people who eat more than 2-3 helpings when it isn’t a celebration. If it’s just a regular Saturday no one needs the chicken parm and the hamburger plus a side salad plus the calimari and wash that down with the monster sundae. No one needs to eat that much! And if you do choose to eat that much, fine but I don’t want to pay for it (especially since the dinner conversation was just listening to a lecture/rant). I don’t live very extravagantly so maybe that’s another psychological issue.

But you said he eats it all, so where’s the waste? You are fixated on what you see at gluttony and greed around food. Time to work on your own food issues, OP.

Stop. There’s no serious dispute that the FIL had serious food issues, call it food insecurity/gluttong/ whatever. Stop gaslighting the OP into thinking she’s the one with the food issues. No one their right mind acts like the FIL (orders 2 entrees for himself, orders extra entrees to go, hogs meat at the table, monitors everyone else’s food intake).

This whole thread is about monitoring someone's intake. "Too much!"

I don't think you need to actively monitor anything to notice someone's "intake" if they order two entrees at a restaurant.

And? You don't need to monitor at all. Or get upset about it. He does what he does. Stop doing the same things over and over again if it bothers you that much.

Anonymous wrote:We are talking $12-$35 per dinner a few times a year, for 8 pages?! You people are nuts

Anonymous wrote:FIL sounds like he is bulimic and OP is an almond mom.

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This thread is such a perfect metaphor for the boomer generation. Hoarding to their own detriment and not giving an eff about the younger generations. And yes, I see eating copious amounts of food as a form of hoarding.

Anonymous wrote:I’d suggest that your husband have a very direct conversation with him. He should not leave out that the behavior is weird and really looks like he is trying to insult you guys. Then go out to dinner with just the three of you and see if he behaves differently. If he doesn’t, you and DH stop him and send the waiter away. Tell him he either pays for himself or he orders normally or you all go home. When the waiter returns, be clear that there will be separate checks if he says he’ll pay for himself.

I had to do something similar with my MIL. She would not order her own entree ever. We are paying so it’s not a money thing. She’d go on about how she eats like a little bird and couldn’t possibly eat an entree on her own. She’ll share with someone and just wants a few nibbles. You know this is how she’s always kept her figure. She then proceeds to eat the entire thing and or bug others to eat off their own plate. My husband hates this and will say no he wants his food and sit as far away from her as possible. She latched onto me and the kids.

I had to just tell her directly that I understood she likes to be perceived as eating like a bird but eating my food and kids instead was stupid. Get over it and order your own entree or you aren’t coming with us. She acted shocked but the behavior stopped.

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

Sure! I hate wasted food and I hate people who eat more than 2-3 helpings when it isn’t a celebration. If it’s just a regular Saturday no one needs the chicken parm and the hamburger plus a side salad plus the calimari and wash that down with the monster sundae. No one needs to eat that much! And if you do choose to eat that much, fine but I don’t want to pay for it (especially since the dinner conversation was just listening to a lecture/rant). I don’t live very extravagantly so maybe that’s another psychological issue.

But you said he eats it all, so where’s the waste? You are fixated on what you see at gluttony and greed around food. Time to work on your own food issues, OP.

Stop. There’s no serious dispute that the FIL had serious food issues, call it food insecurity/gluttong/ whatever. Stop gaslighting the OP into thinking she’s the one with the food issues. No one their right mind acts like the FIL (orders 2 entrees for himself, orders extra entrees to go, hogs meat at the table, monitors everyone else’s food intake).

This whole thread is about monitoring someone's intake. "Too much!"

I don't think you need to actively monitor anything to notice someone's "intake" if they order two entrees at a restaurant.

And he expects OP to pay for it. How do you not notice that?

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

Sure! I hate wasted food and I hate people who eat more than 2-3 helpings when it isn’t a celebration. If it’s just a regular Saturday no one needs the chicken parm and the hamburger plus a side salad plus the calimari and wash that down with the monster sundae. No one needs to eat that much! And if you do choose to eat that much, fine but I don’t want to pay for it (especially since the dinner conversation was just listening to a lecture/rant). I don’t live very extravagantly so maybe that’s another psychological issue.

But you said he eats it all, so where’s the waste? You are fixated on what you see at gluttony and greed around food. Time to work on your own food issues, OP.

Stop. There’s no serious dispute that the FIL had serious food issues, call it food insecurity/gluttong/ whatever. Stop gaslighting the OP into thinking she’s the one with the food issues. No one their right mind acts like the FIL (orders 2 entrees for himself, orders extra entrees to go, hogs meat at the table, monitors everyone else’s food intake).

This whole thread is about monitoring someone's intake. "Too much!"

I don't think you need to actively monitor anything to notice someone's "intake" if they order two entrees at a restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

Sure! I hate wasted food and I hate people who eat more than 2-3 helpings when it isn’t a celebration. If it’s just a regular Saturday no one needs the chicken parm and the hamburger plus a side salad plus the calimari and wash that down with the monster sundae. No one needs to eat that much! And if you do choose to eat that much, fine but I don’t want to pay for it (especially since the dinner conversation was just listening to a lecture/rant). I don’t live very extravagantly so maybe that’s another psychological issue.

But you said he eats it all, so where’s the waste? You are fixated on what you see at gluttony and greed around food. Time to work on your own food issues, OP.

Stop. There’s no serious dispute that the FIL had serious food issues, call it food insecurity/gluttong/ whatever. Stop gaslighting the OP into thinking she’s the one with the food issues. No one their right mind acts like the FIL (orders 2 entrees for himself, orders extra entrees to go, hogs meat at the table, monitors everyone else’s food intake).

This whole thread is about monitoring someone's intake. "Too much!"

I don't think you need to actively monitor anything to notice someone's "intake" if they order two entrees at a restaurant.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you have your own food issues as well OP.

Sure! I hate wasted food and I hate people who eat more than 2-3 helpings when it isn’t a celebration. If it’s just a regular Saturday no one needs the chicken parm and the hamburger plus a side salad plus the calimari and wash that down with the monster sundae. No one needs to eat that much! And if you do choose to eat that much, fine but I don’t want to pay for it (especially since the dinner conversation was just listening to a lecture/rant). I don’t live very extravagantly so maybe that’s another psychological issue.

But you said he eats it all, so where’s the waste? You are fixated on what you see at gluttony and greed around food. Time to work on your own food issues, OP.

Stop. There’s no serious dispute that the FIL had serious food issues, call it food insecurity/gluttong/ whatever. Stop gaslighting the OP into thinking she’s the one with the food issues. No one their right mind acts like the FIL (orders 2 entrees for himself, orders extra entrees to go, hogs meat at the table, monitors everyone else’s food intake).

This whole thread is about monitoring someone's intake. "Too much!"